Go The F**k To Sleep: Funny or Offensive?
Saturday, June 18, 2011 
Last weekend when we were shopping at Chapters, the book "Go The F**k To Sleep" by Adam Mansbach caught my eye. I hadn't heard about it until that moment and I was curious what it was all about. I picked it up and leafed through it, giggling a bit at some of the bedtime scenarios that were all too familiar. If you haven't seen the book yet, you can watch this video of it being read by Samuel L. Jackson (the story starts at about 1:00 if you want to skip the intro).
[Edited to add: VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE]
All parents have been there, right? We've all had those times when we wished, for once, that our baby, toddler or older child would just go to sleep already. We've all had those evenings where we are desperate for some alone time, where we have something we need to do after the kids are in bed, or where we are just EXHAUSTED and want to go to sleep ourselves.
Everyone has thought it at one time or another, with or without the profanity. So I giggled, because I've been there, just like you have. However, it left me feeling a bit uneasy.
I work in a city and I like to walk on my lunch hour. Sometimes I walk along busy sidewalks. Sometimes I walk in the mall. Sometimes I cut through stores. When I am walking, my goal is to keep moving at a decent pace. Inevitably, I will end up stuck behind people who are not walking as fast as I am and who do not get out of my way. Some of those people are clueless, i.e. they are chatting with their friend and are completely oblivious to the fact that I want to pass them. Some people notice that I want to pass and just can't be bothered getting out of the way. But there are also people who are in my way because they are in a wheelchair or using a walker, because they are elderly, because they are obese, because they have one of those huge strollers, or simply because their legs are shorter than mine.
So, I could probably write a book called "Get the F**k Out of My Way." Maybe it would be funny when relating it to the scenarios where some jerk just can't be bothered getting out of my way. Perhaps it would even be funny when talking about the people who are just clueless that I'm trying to pass them. But would it be funny if I was directing my "Get the F**k Out of My Way" to someone who is disabled, obese, elderly or vertically challenged? Not really.
Through the eyes of parents alone, "Go the F**k to Sleep" may be funny, just as "Get the F**k Out of My Way" would be funny if you were considering only my view point and not the viewpoint or limitations of those I was directing it at. In most cases, I don't think our children are staying awake at night specifically to annoy us. Perhaps there may be the odd occasion where an older child is purposely trying to disrupt the parents' plans, but for the most part, I don't think that a non-sleeping child realizes that they are ruining your evening or keeping you from sleeping. They are thinking that they want to cuddle with you, that they are not tired, that they are thirsty, that they are scared, that they are lonely, or that they just don't want to sleep.
Some of those are needs, others are wants, but none of them are maliciously intended actions that deserve a response such as "Go The F**k To Sleep," even if we are sometimes thinking that on the inside.
So yes, I giggled a bit, but I didn't feel great about it and I wouldn't say that I endorse the book's message any more than I would endorse a comedian who made inappropriate jokes.
"Please stay to the right."
"Please close your eyes."
Those are, I think, more reasonable requests, even for our inside voices, than "[blank] the f**k [anything]." Both for our own sanity and frame of mind and out of respect for the person those words and thoughts are directed at, even when they are annoying us.
Reader Comments (214)
mom101:
I wasn't intending the Sophie's Choice post as an analogy. I just mentioned it as an example of a situation where a blogger could be "uncomfortable with the idea of a parent saying out loud the things that parents often think on the inside."
I have to say I'm really surprised at the number of parents who say they've never dropped the f-bomb to their kid...especially a really rough sleeper. I mean, at some point I was having auditory hallucinations. That first year, man...whoah.
For me, personally, cursing is a real stress release. For example, I cursed as pain management in both my labors.
I am another "hilarious" vote.
I should be clear that I don't cuss on a regular basis around my kids, as I think is evidenced by the fact that my three-year-old isn't cursing like a sailor.
I'm replying from my phone and haven't read the other comments, so I might end up repeating what others have already said...
I spend my entire day being respectful and attentive to my childrens' needs. I understand that they are not manipulating me, but are simply trying to deal with the world the best way they know how. I do my best to remain calm and centered as much as possible.
But just because you cen understand, relate to, and empathize with a situation, does not mean it still doesn't sometimes annoy the living daylights out of you.
I've read of studies that show that shouting curse words after, say, stubbing your toe actually help relieve pain over shouting anything else. I wonder if curse words might have a similar effect in relieving frustration somewhat, even when just thought in your head.
I would never curse at my child (or my husband, or parents, or friends, etc). I doubt many people would honestly consider even showing this book to their kids. But occasionally, yes, I've gone on curse-word-heavy rants inside my head over a particularly frustrating situation. When we work so hard to be calm and present, it is a relief sometimes to see others say the same things we think and feel even if only on occasion, in the silence of our thoughts.
I was sort of meh about it (yeah, yeah, had my share of sleep struggles, I get it, probably thought it more than once). But hearing Samuel L. Jackson read it makes it MUCH funnier to me. LOL
I don't think the book advocates actually saying this stuff to your kid, and the fact that the parent in the story seems to actually be staying with the child (that is, it's not poking fun at a kid crying alone, THAT would be disturbing to me), I kind of like. Because I know even those of us that nurse to sleep as long as necessary, stay with our kids until they go to sleep, co-sleep, have an open-door policy in our rooms etc., we still get frustrated from time to time, even when we wouldn't do things any other way.
Annie, I also love your blog and can appreciate your point of view about this book, but your analysis here just isn't reflecting what many (most?) parents experienced reading this book. I loved it. It was hilarious. Every parent I have spoken with IRL has loved it (and most are *strongly* AP). If you think there are better ways to express the frustration, then I want to challenge you to write something that is as funny as this book and meets your criteria for respect.
This book isn't for or about kids; it's for and about parents. It's as selfish as a bubble bath behind a locked door. That's fine with me. It makes it easier for me to stay in the game and act as I intend to as a parent. I'm actually somewhat uneasy with (offended by?) the idea that we should immediately question ourselves and feel guilty about blunt expressions of common thoughts and relatively small indulgences, like enjoying a funny book. Sometimes I don't need to soul search, I need to fucking laugh.
I do find this book funny but not hilarious maybe in today's world the "f" word just doesn't make me laugh because it is so overused.
A parent who has had a sleepless night with a child might appreciate this piece of "literature" but the "f" word just kind of makes it more worthy of a "Saturday Night Live" skit to me rather than a book.
I love this book, but I think in contrast to Samuel Jackson's reading of it, I want to hear a bright, sunny reading. Kind of like how you'd read it to a kid, but even more over the top cheerful.
I've listened to the audio ebook about 11 times so far. I cry with laughter every time.
For me, it's helpful when my son needs 2 hrs before he goes to sleep. When I'm getting REALLY frustrated (usually an hour in), I replay it in my head. That makes me laugh(=cool down), and I can focus more on meeting his needs (whatever they are at the moment - *MORE* nursing, snuggles, whatever). I'd never say "go the eff to sleep" to him; it's just knowing that others feel this way that puts it in perspective for me, I think.
(Although I was a little uncomfortable with Jackson's ebook intro, I will admit.)
Lisa:
I don't expect my analysis to reflect what many (most) parents experienced reading this book. I don't think that makes my opinion less valid though.
I also don't think that others should immediately question themselves or feel guilty. I was just trying to understand and explain why the book made me feel uneasy.
I thoroughly enjoyed the book but then again, satire is one of my favorite genres. I tend to appreciate humor that asks the reader to laugh at themselves.
I'm not really disagreeing with you, per se, as I think you have raised a valid concern about the story. I would suggest, though, that how it's taken depends greatly upon the reader. that's one of the beautiful thing about books of any kind: the writer starts it, but the reader is really who finishes the book, who defines it and gives it a framework to live in. I cannot claim to know what the author's intention was with this book, other than to provide a story every parent on earth can relate to. I can say, however, that for me, the book invited me to laugh at my own inadequacies as a self-centered human being and to laugh with the author about a state of frustration we, as parents, get into. I don't think the book is about making fun of a child or making them out to be malicious. I think the book is about a parent's tendency towards being unable, at the end of a long day, to relate to the child in any other way than the parent's own perspective. the book is really asking us not to take ourselves too seriously and reminding us that parenting is funny, if frustrating.
the teddy bear bit killed me.
I agree that it isn't a mindset that we want to indulge (stinkin' thinkin', especially directed at our own children) but I wouldn't say that it crosses the line to offensive. I say funny.
I am thinking about a lot of your points though on why it's a poor mindset. On one hand recognising disruptive behaviour as an expression of want or need that is not (likely) intentionally manipulative or malicious does make it easier to live with and address constructively. On the other hand, even if it is not malicious, it can certainly be inconsiderate. As my kids age and mature I do expect them to show increasing capacity for consideration. Even for me. So yeah, when there's an ongoing pattern of inconsideration of me and my boundaries, especially when I'm at my most tired and/or busy, then yeah, I'm pissed off.
So if you're looking for post ideas, I'd love something on character development around consideration - teaching kids to balance their own needs and wants with consideration for how they express themselves affects others.
That was a very thoughtful comment, Rebekah. Thank you.
I completely agree with you. I think it's interesting that everyone who has commented that they think it's hilarious somehow thinks they have a right to their opinion but you don't? We all get to decide for ourselves what we find appropriate and inappropriate - you published this, I'm assuming, not so people could try to talk you out of feeling a bit uncomfortable, but to express how you felt about it. I personally think it went just a bit to far for my taste, and AGAIN, that's just one person's opinion. I don't think everyone should agree with me (or believe that anyone will), but I would hope we could all respect each other enough not to slam Annie for her ideas!
When I first saw this circulating on Facebook, I didn't find it funny at all. I thought I was just being an overly sensitive grieving mom, but am glad I'm not alone. Are parents really thinking as their child is anxious or restless, "go the fuck to sleep?" Thoughts are powerful, and intention means everything.
I understand that your analysis is your own, and completely understand your reasoning, but when you concluded:
“Please stay to the right.”
“Please close your eyes.”
Those are, I think, more reasonable requests, even for our inside voices, than '[blank] the f**k [anything].' Both for our own sanity and frame of mind and out of respect for the person those words and thoughts are directed at, even when they are annoying us."
In using "our inside voices" and "our own sanity" etc, I felt that you were excoriating those who found this book to be very funny and not at all offensive to somehow do better, rise above, keep ourselves pure of thought, take the high road. I'm really chafing at that conclusion. It crosses over from what *you* as a mom choose to do into prescribing what *we* as "good parents" should do. I wish you had used singular pronouns instead of plural.
I'd still like to see a good, funny satire that speaks to parental frustrations but is adequately respectful of the children.
This book really made me uncomfortable so thanks Annie for putting into words a feeling I was struggling to explain to others.
I had a terrible sleeper (both day and night) so I do get the sentiment. The frustration and exhaustion.
Neither do I have qualms about the use of 'foul language'. At least not most of the time.
I think what affected me was the constant repetition and a feeling of casual violence that built up over all the pages. I laughed at the first few, recognised myself in the I am a failure and shitty-assed parent comment but, like you say, I don't appreciate humour that is based in this mythologised idea that infants and toddlers are always deliberately manipulative and that their needs (thirst, toilet) are not real.
During my (too recent) terrible sleep years I remember lots of tears, lots of internal Fuck! Please, please, please go to sleep! conversations. Lots of desperate nights and days of wondering what I was doing wrong, why wasn't it working for me when it was for (apparently) everyone else. Never did I think that my child was purposely contriving to make me miserable and sleepless.
Culturally we are (I think wrongly) encouraged to view infants and, probably all people, as manipulative and untrustworthy. With their own agendas. If you are coming from a baseline of distrust and othering it is easier to ascribe evil intent to others. And maybe that social conditioning is partly why the humour in this book works for so many.
While I don't think the book in and of itself is horrendously offensive, what I do find problematic is the way this kind of humour can further entrench this socio-cultural idea of the child as manipulator.
There's also a clip on YouTube of Australian comedian Tim Minchin performing a lullaby which is very popular in my circle but similarly makes me feel uneasy. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESFANzZTdYM)
Haven't read the 67 comments before me so I don't know what the prevailing opinion is, but I vote funny.
Would I ever say anything like that out loud to my kid? Of course not. But it didn't feel malicious to me; it felt real.
I think I may be in the minority here. I really don't care one way or the other about it. I can read the title or hear the book being read and give it a courtesy smirk. On the other hand hearing profanity repeatedly tends to take something away from the original intent.
For example, this blog post (http://bit.ly/iyLfGr) on Good kids and total F*cking A**holes is a good mix of emphasis and an appropriate f-bomb for my preferences. On the other hand, here is Pulp Fiction cut down to only its swear words (http://bit.ly/kNJr0N) 420+ swear words in about 3 minutes and 20 seconds. Way too much for my taste.
For me, the book goes past the funny use for emphasis into the over the top 3 minutes of nothing but swearing type of category.
I don't think it says much about me or others who like it or don't like it as parents or as people. I can imagine thinking that in my head at one of my more desperate moments, but I know for a fact my kids have never heard me say f*ck.
I think there is a genre of comedy which some people love and makes others extremely uncomfortable. Some of the time that's because of what it says about society, but other times it is about us and our own "baggage."
Also, in your title you ask "funny or offensive?". I think for some people there is room for an answer of yes to both.
After reading all the other comments, I want to add this-- most of us do seem to have found this book more on the "funny" side, but NO ONE can say conclusively that it is *not* offensive. As long as it's offensive to one person, it is offensive (at the very least, for that one person). We don't all have to agree, but there's no need to try to gloss over other's opinions or feelings (one way or the other).
I hear what you're saying -- but the libertarian in me must make this comment: who cares if it's offensive? What does it mean if it truly is? That it should never have been written?
Here's the thing: in Western democracies, there is NO right to not be offended.
As a professional writer, I have a very big problem with anything that smacks of censorship. And the idea that "as long as it’s offensive to one person, it is offensive" is, I would argue, at the very heart of almost all forms of modern-day censorship. People argue the offended card to get Harry Potter banned from school libraries, to ban "Heather Has Two Mommies", etc.
I completely respect Annie's opinion (and yours) on this, and am happy you expressed it, even if I disagree. I like that Annie asks us to think about this stuff. I am happy people are respectful in Annie's space. But whenever anyone says the wod "offensive", I always ask "so what? Waht does that mean to you? Should offensive things not exist?"
My apologies for assuming -- I have to learn to stop doing that. Fatal flaw.
Things are better here now, and DH is not sailing right now -- but I also have a 12-month-old nursling in a growth spurt, so I am once again wishing he would just sleep some nights, instead of popping on and off the breast every 20 minutes.
He is amazing -- and is now planning to record a version of his lullaby for posterity. He and my mother laughed until they cried when they listened to the Jackson reading of this book.
I vote funny, but then I'm Australian and our sense of humour is way innappropriate and we're very big on swearing, too.
(You know I was dying to throw an eff word into that comment just for kicks, and I restrained myself because that's how much I like you, Annie).
I felt it was overkill, overdone and was immature. By the time I got the end I was slightly offended by the use of f**ks ... I personally love the f-word and use it a lot but in context ... and I obviously know when to use it.
I wrote a post reviewing to book - for me it was the story that SURROUNDS the book that is so fascinating - it's a movement, it's striving for cult status ... it will probably achieve it too. Most people will get swept up in the wave that it's now causing and proclaim their love for it without actually thinking about it. I love the way it's written, I just find the excessive use of f**ks ruined it.
I don't get that sense at all, maybe I missed something but I don't think anyone here that thinks it's hilarious said Annie should think so too? Or that she has no right to find it *not* funny? Certainly she does (esp. considering it's her blog...) Though I'm also fairly sure Annie expects readers to agree to disagree with her opinion at times. Otherwise the discussion would be pretty short! :)
When I saw this on facebook, my reaction was similar: funny, but.... I elected not to "share" it because my feeling is that far too many parents buy into the notion that our little ones are manipulating us (as Matilda said above). My 4 year old has always been super-challenging with sleep, and while, yes, my temper has gotten the better of me at times, I find the support from connecting w/supportive moms at LLL meetings on this issue (sharing frustrations) to be qualitatively different from the experience of "venting" or connecting by reading this book, mostly because we come back to a shared understanding of the needs & developmental processes that underly our children's behavior, however exhausting/maddening it may be for us at times. That compassion for where my child is at is my #1 tool for moving past my own (acknowledged, not repressed) anger.
As a new parent of a 5 month old, I get asked one thing all the time: how does the baby sleep? Parents and non-parents are fascinated by baby sleep and you can't really "win" the conversation. Some times she sleeps great, other times (the past three nights) she sleeps horribly. Worse, I think some parents feel obligated to bend the truth a little bit regarding sleep because we think that somehow our child's natural sleep habits are our doing when in fact, they aren't. I think that's why it's so popular....it's about the one topic that everyone focuses on with babies.
I'm not sure if I find it all that funny but then again, my baby is little. Maybe when she's older it will resonate more.
You know, I hate the apparently common parental sentiment that babies are manipulative too, esp. the idea that babies wake in the night just to make parents crazy. I have always argued that by staying with my kids until they were asleep (even at age 3.5 and 6.5 currently), we've avoided the "I'm not tired/I need a drink/I need..." and up and down the hall bedtime stuff I've heard others complain of. Because we've made bedtime a positive thing, going TO sleep has never been the biggest issue here (or, maybe that's one area we lucked out in and it has nothing to do with our parenting -- probably this is the case! LOL) But -- I think even parents who don't believe their children are manipulating them, who believe in meeting their children's basic needs even during the night, can sometimes get so completely exhausted that they no longer think logically about such things. They can really be asking themselves "seriously?! another drink?!" even when they wouldn't deny their child that drink. It's only human, esp. when you are *that* tired and are waiting on the kids to sleep so you can have a few minutes to relax/clean the house/do work/be with your spouse/sleep yourself. I still don't think that means those parents will speak to their children in that way.
I think the difference is that the people who annoy me as I walk down the street (and I'm a fast walker too, so I KNOW whereof you speak!) are not people I love. The love of the parent for the child is the subtext that makes the book funny. As you pointed out, a wakeful toddler is not, in any way, trying to spite his parents or ruin their evening - and our realization of that is what makes the book funny. You start with innocent, loved child, add exasperating behaviour (that everyone can recognize), then take a normal, loving parent, and when that combination leads to Samuel L. Jackson-level profanity - that's hilarious.
We also stay with our kids, but they do frequently tell us that they are not tired, need another drink, have to go to the bathroom, etc.
I vote funny.
I have had these thoughts in my head many, many times. I don't blame the kids. I don't think they're doing it on purpose. I know they're just kids being normal kids. But I think that frustration -- even for the most AP, patient, nurturing parent -- is also very normal.
I have been in the car in traffic, frustrated, thinking "Ugh, what the fuck! Come ON people!" even though I know that is not the fault of the people in front of me.
I have also been in the grocery store, behind a little old lady who dumps out her wallet and starts slowly counting her change thinking "Oh, you are KIDDING me! Grrrr!"
But you know what? When that little old lady looks at me and smiles apologetically, I absolutely give her a smile back. And I wait patiently while she counts her change, making small talk, being friendly.
We ALL get frustrated. We ALL think things we would NEVER say out loud.
My oldest is nine and he is going through a phase right now -- he is learning (and I'm trying to teach him) how to deal with his anger and frustration. I'm trying to teach him that there are just things you cannot do when you're angry or frustrated (like hurt your siblings, break things, throw things around) and he said to me recently "WHAT?! I'm not allowed to be ANGRY?!" And I said of course you're allowed to be angry, but you're not allowed to hurt people.
Feelings are feelings, and I think allowing ourselves to be angry or frustrated sometimes, to honour those feelings, goes a long way in helping us deal with them.
Yes, I have been frustrated with my kids and sleep. And I have thought "go the fuck to sleep" often. But I do this as I lay down with them, as I co-sleep with them and as I nurse on demand.
Is it any different that someone has written these words down in a book? Not as far as I'm concerned. This kind of humour helps lots of people through trying times.
Amanda
No need to avoid swearing for my sake. I have no issue with profanity and would have written f**k out in full in my post if I wasn't concerned about some of my readers being offended by it.
I just don't like being sworn at or swearing at others.
Yeah...our current arrangement is that DH sleeps with the preschooler and I sleep with the baby. The preschooler does not have good awareness of when he is tired, and also is worried he's going to miss something - so he repeatedly asks for stuff he does not need. He just doesn't want to sleep. If that's not manipulation - saying things purely so he can get his way - I don't know what is? I'm not saying he's a bad kid, that we don't try to meet the underlying need, etc. But he *is* trying to manipulate us.
I would agree with the statement that, culturally, we are encouraged to view children, and particularly infants, as manipulative. Probably a lot of people who subscribe to this theory are laughing at this book. To that end, I can see your point that "social conditioning is partly why the humor in this book works for so many."
But many of us who have commented that we find it funny DON'T believe our children are manipulating us, so I don't think that is always the issue. Children have SO many needs, and it can be difficult to learn to balance meeting their needs while still meeting our own. There's an inherent struggle there, and it only gets more difficult as children grow out of infancy and many of their needs become wants, and we're left trying to distinguish between the two while still maintaining some sense of self.
The struggle can elicit strong emotions, and I think that's okay. It's okay to be really angry, because often that anger is what leads you to realize that what you're doing isn't working and that you have to find a better way. And it's okay to laugh about being angry, because otherwise you might have to cry. Using laughter as a way to express and work through our emotions is valid, I think, as long as we're certain why we're really laughing.
I work as a parent coach and received an email copy of this book from a client many weeks ago. I forwarded to one other client who I knew would appreciate the sentiment and understand that it was not a recommendation for directing children to return to their beds.
I find that parents need to know that other parents have high levels of frustration and dark thoughts. Just realizing the normalcy of the experience releases tension and if it can be furthered relieved by laughter, even better.
This book is not a recommendation for parenting, but a validation of the parenting experience.
I think I was kind of in-between as well. I listened to Samuel Jackson's reading, and giggled at least a few times (if not without a bit of guilt). I saw it kind of as a caricature of the rough evenings any parent has. No, I would never say that to my child--or even think it in those terms--but a small part of me identifies with the tone, assuming the book is only for grownups, of course! After all, the tone (I felt) is not of really being angry with the child, just of really, really, really wanting a bit of a break at the end of the day, and feeling near the end of one's reserves of empathy and caring.
That being said, I giggled a bit hearing the story once (and I think that Samuel Jackson's voice helps the story along a fair bit), but I wouldn't bother with buying the book. Being a bit crude about things that we don't feel crude about can be cathartic now and again, but I'd prefer to save the space on my bookshelf for things that nurture a more empathetic response--the one I actually want to be able to find in myself at trying times.
Perhaps I should add that while I wouldn't buy the book, I also wouldn't be inclined to judge another parent who DOES have it on their shelves--provided it's not at child level ;-)
This story is not offensive (unless someone is offended), it's just mildly surprising entertainment. The supposed funniness is the fairy-tale talk and pictures sprinkled with eff words, so parents who haven't seen that before would be all "Ooh, that's titillating. I see the nice pictures and story, but he's boldly cursing at his child." But it's BORING. I looked at it in Chapters as well, but it was not funny past the first or second page and has no re-read value.
People who want to see this kind of comedy done well, and can handle it, then a few of my favorites:
Maddox's Masterpiece: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule" rel="nofollow">I am better than your kids where he critiques and grade kids artwork by real standards -- there are two pages so be sure to check page 2. Get in the right state of mind, just like for the "go to sleep" book: Your child gives you a drawing she may be so proud of, or spent a lot of time on ... you say it's great, but really. Hilarious, but you may be offended. The rest of his site is also gold.
Kick-Ass: A movie about a high school kid who decides to wear a costume and fight crime like a superhero, but he's ineffective and gets into big trouble, then is saved by a 12 year girl who, with her father, also wear super-hero costumes to fight crime but they are very good. Led by the 12 year old, they eventually take out the major crime group laying waste to tens if not a hundred bad guys in adult-style battles. It's so cool to see a little girl playing the part of a batman hero.
Team America: World Police -- this movie has some definite rudeness but it gloriously makes fun of all action movies, actors, sterotypes, the americans, terrorists, etc. And it's all done with marionettes to expose the stupidity of all the serious business of movies and politics with all the millions spent and lives affected.
Alex,
That was my partner's reaction too. He thought it was boring.
"Also, in your title you ask “funny or offensive?”. I think for some people there is room for an answer of yes to both."
Absolutely. That was the case for me.
"I’m really chafing at that conclusion. It crosses over from what *you* as a mom choose to do into prescribing what *we* as “good parents” should do. I wish you had used singular pronouns instead of plural."
That is a very fair point Lisa. I probably should have used singular pronouns.
I know that for me, anger escalates. If I get angry at a situation, then other things that annoy me are that much more likely to make me angry. With time, that anger builds up and I end up having completely inappropriately angry reactions and my blood pressure rises far beyond where it should be. So when I find myself in a situation that makes me angry, I need to find ways to deal with that anger, rather than letting it fester. If I start thinking "Go the f**k to sleep" or "Get the f**k out of my way" or "shut the f**k up", then I am more likely to blow up at that person or at the next person who happens to get in my way.
I agree with both Annie's post and with Renee's comment. The first time I read through the book, I was shocked. I can't really put into words why it left me feeling disturbed, but it's something to do with the dehumanizing of children that sometimes happens among adults.
The second time, I remembered all of those awful nights of Kieran not sleeping, or rather falling asleep and then not letting me move an inch. Nighttime parenting brought out some of the worst in me, and so the second time I read it (weeks later), I did laugh, because damn it, that's exactly what was running through my head. Just go the f*ck to sleep, kid - let me have a minute to myself!!
I'm still on the fence about it. Yes, I agree that it's important for parents to share the frustrations of parenting and get some of those feelings out of our systems in a healthy way (and laughter is healthy!). But I can't whole-heartedly get behind a book that just reinforces the concept that kids should automatically obey, and if they don't, obviously it's because they're "misbehaving" (even if it's not what the author intended) .
I was originally in the funny camp and then i was listening to npr interview the author when one of the callers was rosemary wells. she made a pretty compelling argument against the book, basically saying that in these times when so many children are exposed to violence/harsh speech, this book was not a positive contribution to helping improve the situation/advance the dialogue of this important area, and i have to say hearing her thoughts made me think, i'm with the rosemary wells of the world - whose books i'm guessing will stand the test of time better then go the eff to sleep
if that makes me judgey and humorless i'm ok with it.
Of course the book makes people uneasy, even as it prompts laughter. That's what good satire is *supposed* to do.
The form of each quatrain—beginning as soothing lullaby verse but devolving into profanity by the fourth line—suggests how disturbingly close tenderness and hostility exist during moments of parental exhaustion. It articulates the anger that "good" parents are not supposed to admit, but it does so in a safe form (i.e. a book for adults, rather than real life swearing at kids) and in so doing functions as a safety valve for parental frustration, one that offers reassurance and relief.
I did want to make a couple of observations that may be missing although I could be wrong, given the thoughtful original post and the 95 comments!
Although I understand--and share--some of the reservations about this book, one of the humorous elements for me is how it skewers this entire treacly genre of "good night baby" books. I probably own 20+ board books with forest animals lovingly tucking their baby animals into various nests, holes, and hives accompanied by a sing-songy rhyme about how much Mama bees love their baby bees and Mama snakes hiss lullabies to their baby snakes and other anthropomorphic projections not supported by zoological science. If there were a whole genre of books about walking patiently behind slow, elderly people--accompanied by drawings of hedgehogs walking with canes in the forest--and rhyming verses about how wonderful and peaceful slow walking is, it WOULD probably be a relief to have a "speed the eff up, hedgehog!" book out there.
I also wanted to make an observation about lullabies. Although this book was written by a man--and there has been some discussion about how a mother's writing would have been received--folk lullabies are a woman's genre. And, oddly enough, while there are many "promise" lullabies where the singer promises the baby something wonderful for going to sleep--a golden ring, rich fruits, rosemary, cake--there is also a whole lullaby genre of "threat" songs. Fall asleep or ELSE--the cradle will fall, the white devil will eat your foot, the naked bear will eat you, I'll make you a little coffin and bury you in a little grave (*these are all actual lullaby lyrics from folk songs.) Lullabies have always allowed women to give voice to the frustration/fear/exhaustion/darkness that accompanies putting a child to sleep...and those songs were from days of exclusive breastfeeding, cosleeping, and much more community support than we have now...and from cultures with a variety of perspectives of the nature of babies and children. It's just tough (period) to be a mom with a baby/child who is dependent on you for such a long period of time, and it makes sense that sometimes this feeling surfaces in lullabies...or satirical board books.
One more thing about lullabies: I think it's the author of "What Mothers Do, Especially When it Looks Like Nothing" who makes the point that lullabies are a valuable source of cross-generational/community knowledge for women, and the fact that most women only know 1 or a handful from a world lullaby CD cuts them off this history. Perhaps if more women could sing these beautiful and sometimes dark songs, we would have less of a need for Samuel L. Jackson audiobooks.
Really enjoying this discussion!
I actually received this link a few weeks ago and decided against forwarding to others. Nothing major, just that although I found it hilarious and absolutely resonated with my experience, I just thought meh good for a laugh but that's it. (especially in nights like tonight when I had a 5 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 7 week old to put to sleep, and it's hot and the fan isn't where it should be apparently, and they older ones are both chattering, and the 3 yr old is doing summersaults in the bed and putting her feet on her sister's head and the 7 week old is feeding feeding feeding, and I thought oh geez, 3 yr old, please just go to sleep! and I wasn't enraged but I just thought gee it's been 45 minutes since the light was turned off and finally the 3rd one went down). My husband and I laughed and laughed reading this book. Like I said, I think it's good for a laugh, read it once and then move on, had the release and catharsis of that and that's enough.
But here's a couple of more thoughts:
Allergies. 3 years ago we took out dairy and egg from our children's diet because our oldest was having respiratory problems. The first improvement we saw is that bedtime was no longer a screaming hell (am I allowed to say that?) of over 1.5 hours and exhaustion. Bedtime wasn't instantaneous, but it became civil. (And later major respiratory improvements too.) We now know that one of the signs that some egg or dairy has snuck into their meals on a particular day is that bedtime becomes super awful again. As I read this book I wondered how many children may be out there who have an unidentified food intolerance and allergy that also has that sleep-robbing effect on them, and if the offending food was removed everyone would be much happier.
And Western culture. As I read the book I felt the book was distinctly focused on Western culture. I wondered how many parents in the majority of the world focus quite in the same way as portrayed in this book on getting young kids to sleep. I am no expert on child behaviour all over the world, but my guess is that in the majority of the world children are not put in a separate bed at a particular time and etc. (I don't, for example, remember such things from being raised in Central America) Anybody know more about this?
Oh, and also:
I get your uneasiness with the book, we all have our own opinions of books. But I don't think comparing it with getting annoyed with people in front of you etc. is adequate. Maybe if the comparison was with getting annoyed at your parents or other people you love. I think that the 'go the f88k to sleep' we think in our heads in frustration with our heads is tempered in a special way by the love we have for our kids, and I don't know about you but I sure don't have that same love for random people on the street :), and it's thinking 'get the f88k out of my way' about people you don't know would be more annoyance, less love.
Yes, exactly. :-)
"Maybe if the comparison was with getting annoyed at your parents or other people you love. "
They read my blog, so I have to be careful what I say. ;)