Saturday
Oct272012
Miss Representation -- Inspiring a 10 Year Old to Write Her Own Story (Guest Post)
Saturday, October 27, 2012 .jpg "Miss Representation")
Last fall I had the opportunity to see the film Miss Representation at Blissdom Canada where it was screened by Jen Maier from Urban Moms. I think the film is a must-see for all women and tween/teen girls, so when my friend Candace said she was going to take her daughter to see the film at a screening in Ottawa, I asked her if she would write about it for my blog. Please welcome Candace...
I Took My 10 Year Old To Miss Representation
When my first daughter was born, the world suddenly became a very different place. No longer was I running offence, pushing obstacles out my way, but I was suddenly running defence, throwing myself all willy nilly in front of every image, song, and story I deemed offensive. I became overwhelmed, and even a little neurotic, at the daily barrage from media that paints women and often girls as nothing more than sexual objects. I was scared for her and for my second daughter that came along 21 months later.
Move backwards in time to when I was a young woman and I was a confused mess. I gave the impression of being the modern empowered woman, but the reality was my sexual bravado was a disastrous mix of misinformation, low self-esteem, an incident from childhood that left scars and a “Cosmopolitan” persona, only too generously fed to me by the media.
I grew up with working class parents, in a lower-to-middle income neighbourhood in the 70s and 80s when media was really beginning to shape and influence young women more than any generation before. I was not surrounded by university educated women discussing feminism or women in leadership roles. I was also not surrounded by women who would openly discuss matters of sexuality with me, that was considered unmentionable. And so I looked for role models and found them, in the pages of Cosmo and Vogue, my Uncle’s hidden Playboys, and on television with the likes of Charlie’s Angels. Yes a woman could have it all, as long as she had big boobs and a great body. My brains, by the time I hit the teen years, took a back seat.
When I first viewed the documentary, Miss Representation a year ago at a blogging conference, I felt relief. Eureka! I am not alone in my feelings. It was cathartic watching and I left feeling more in control than ever on maneovering my children through today’s society.
Recently, I heard that a screening of Miss Representation was happening in Ottawa. I knew I had to take my oldest daughter. Because I had seen it before, I knew that some of the images in it would be beyond her (the movie is rated 14+). I hesitated momentarily and then realized — she sees these images all the time, despite my best attempts at censorship within our home. They are on bus shelters, on the backs of magazines at the store, on movie posters, the airport, billboards, at the stores and the malls. The rating on this documentary is quite laughable when you consider half naked people can be plastered on a billboard on the side of the highway.
So after I brushed that argument away, I started to wonder, what is she making of these images? What’s her almost 10 year old head telling her? And then I decided to take her, so that we could start framing the conversation now, when she is most impressionable and most likely to talk to me. There were a few moments in the film when she looked at me with shock as if to say “Are you really letting me watch this?” and I would squeeze her hand. Other times I could see her trying to understand the content, but for the most part, she was rapt.
So, what was the car ride home like after? Well, there were tears, laughter, outrage, and sadness. I was surprised by the roller coaster of emotion from such a little girl. I sat and listened and felt pleased that I took her.
It ain’t easy being a girl today. Across the globe a young girl was shot in Pakistan for speaking out about education and we cry out with indignation, “How can this be so?” (as we should by the way). But what about the daily degradation we subject our girls to on this side of the globe? The impact may not be as sudden as being shot but the outcome is equally horrific… anorexia, bulimia, cutting, bullying, suicide.
At first it was easy to censor the message my daughters received, but as they get older it is becoming damn near impossible. There is really only way through it and that is by talking and talking and talking some more. It’s by sharing our own stories with our daughters about the impact of media on our lives, by listening intently to what they are telling us and by pushing back against the machine that claims to “only be giving us what we ask for”.*
Jennifer Siebel Newsom has created a powerful framework for women to not only start the conversation, but continue it at MissRepresentation.org . It’s a great place as a mom to arm yourself with knowledge about media literacy and to help your daughter navigate through the tween and teen years.
I asked my daughter today, after seeing Miss Rep two weeks ago, what she walked away with from it. She said, "That I write my own story and I have to rise above and be what I want to see". Not a bad jumping off point for a 10 year old.
*quote from Jennifer Pozner MissRepresentation
Candace Derickx writes on her site Life in Pleasantville, is a featured blogger — SeeMummyJuggle — at YummyMummyClub, and is a staff editor at ChildMode. Follow her on Twitter @Candace_Dx.
Reader Comments (15)
I too wouldn't want to take my young daughter, but hope that I would think through it in this way, cringing, but starting a very important conversation. Thank you for sharing.
It sounds like a powerful film. My daughter is only 4, but any of us who have children (I know it is is especially something moms of girls think about, but also parents of boys too) are faced with how best to handle girls growing to women in this world. I think what your daughter's take away from the film is great. I do hope this conversation continues everywhere for all our girls.
My daughter is still a bit young to watch this, though I speak to her about images she sees in the media, but I will watch this with my 13 year old son. It's equally important for young men to notice the distortion of women and girls in the media and to value what his heart tells him to.
Hi Candace,
Your daughter's statement, "“That I write my own story and I have to rise above and be what I want to see” . . . . WOW! Just wow. That gives me goose bumps. In fact, I'm going to write her words down and hang them on my bathroom mirror: I write my own story. I have to rise above and be what I want to see. Thank you! And please thank your daughter for me.
Beautiful. I went on my own to see it, shlepped all the way to the tip of downtown Manhattan and absorbed every word in the film. I agree, it reflected everything I feel about life and gender inequality. Your daughter must be very mature as I'm not sure if my 9YO is ready but if it comes through town again, we're there.
What a wonderful way to spend important time with your daughter. She is lucky to have a mom l like you who attends to the messages she gets from the world around her. You are right that you cannot protect her from all of them, but you can teach her how to consider them herself. And you are doing that. My daughter showed me just this weekend the importance of that - she made her own costume. The Paperbag princess. Even that story got in her bones and, as an almost 20 year old, she texted me "defying slutty stereotypes". What they hear and see and talk about matters.
So glad to hear you'll watch it with your son Kat. Please tell me how it goes.
Hi Holly, She is definitely on the mature side. :) My youngest is 8 and I don't foresee her being ready for this for a few more years yet. :)
I love that. :) The Paperbag Princess is great.
Your daughter sounds so grounded. And I'm sure it's because she has a mom who is so willing to listen and to share with honesty about all of these really complex issues. Nice post, Candace!
Thanks Julie. :)
Hi Candace,
What a beautiful post. I recently sponsored the movie with other businesswomen in my community. I previewed it with my 14-year-daughter at home to make sure the equipment worked. She was profoundly moved by the movie; angry, sad, scared, and wide awake. I'll never regret sharing it with her even if some of it was very frightening. The next generation of girls has a harder ride than we did with politicians fighting agains their rights, a media that gladly marginalizes them, and social media that can be used to diminish their well being. The movie and the powerful voice that it uses is a game changer that is likely to scare insecure misogynists.
By raising your voice here and with your daughter you are bringing like-minded women together and in the long run we will change the world for the better.
Thank you Lisa :) What a lovely comment!
So glad you took her to see it, Candace. I'd like my boys to watch the movie too. From the Pakistani girl who was shot to Amanda Todd's story, there's an ongoing narrative my youngest (boy) doesn't fully understand. I used the word misogyny with him the other day -- spelled it out, explained it. I still don't think he gets it. I think we need to keep talking and talking to our kids and showing them something better, through our own choices and lives.
The comment above is, unfortunately, part of the equation and the reality as well. : (
Thanks Pam. Thankfully that comment has been removed and will not live on here.