Mommy Blogger, Mummy Blogger; I'm Not, She Is
Thursday, October 25, 2012 Tomato, tomahto. Potato, potahto. Mommy blogger, mummy blogger.
Earlier this year, I was contacted by a writer who was working on a piece for Reader's Digest on Canada's Top 10 Mommy Bloggers. While I was flattered to be included, I told her that I didn't really identify as a mommy blogger. After a brief exchange of direct messages on twitter, and me sharing my piece on the Typology of the Mommy Blogger, she asked me if I could provide a quote explaining my reasons for not wanting to be called a mommy blogger.
I wrote:
Personally, I dislike the term "mommy blogger" because of the assumptions and baggage associated with it.
First, it is diminutive, attempting to cutesy the writing that women do on their blogs. I write about politics, feminism, health, nutrition, social change, and more. I write about it from a parenting and mothering perspective, but a man doing the same would not likely be called a "daddy blogger". He would be called a writer or a columnist or even an expert.
Second, I find it is loaded with assumptions. When people think of a mommy blogger, they usually imagine a white, middle-class, stay-at-home or work-at-home mother with children under the age of five, a love of consumer products and a white picket fence. They aren't imagining women of colour, low income women, single mothers, white collar professionals, activists, lesbian moms, teenage moms, or mothers of teens. I find the term to be concurrently exclusionary and oppressive.
I'd prefer not to have my work and my writing labelled.
That was me trying to be brief...I could have gone on and on and on. In the end, the quote didn't make it into the piece (which was disappointing, but I also understand how editors can be).
The list, despite including a number of very impressive women, stayed mostly true to what I wrote above -- a lot of white, middle class, married women (as with other lists before). A bit of variety in terms of the topics covered, but not enough variety from a socioeconomic diversity perspective.
Today Eden Riley from Edenland wrote a post called I Am Mummyblogger. She wrote about why she is a mummy blogger and included a photo that you really must see. Really, go, now.
I stand behind Eden (ha!) and her choice to label herself however she wishes and to wear that label with pride. But at the same time, I recognize that not everyone necessarily has the luxury to be able to do what she did without consequence and that not everyone is deemed worthy of the mommy blogger label, with all of its positive and negative connotations, whether they identify that way themselves or not.
So for now, I'll just continue being ME. Not a mommy blogger, just ME. Evolving, ever changing, label-less, ME.
Reader Comments (34)
It's interesting. Last week during some of our media coverage, we grappled with the Mommy Blogger "label" through most of it. And I wasn't sure how to take it. On one hand, you're absolutely right: It can be used as a cutesy diminutive. But in another way, though, I didn't care. People need labels. Most of the "mainstream" world who doesn't participate in the blogging world identify with the phrase mommy blogger with at least some kind of recognition. People like buckets and places to sort things, and that label is widely used enough to get the foot in the door. For those who want to learn more, they'll realize the complexities of the community and that the label is limiting. For those who don't, hey! Mommy bloggers on TV! And, you know, whatever.
Yay, got in. Funnily enough, I (finally) just started blogging, and touched on this topic myself.
http://mum2beautifulboys.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/just-another-mommy-blog/
The only time I really take issue with the term is when it is applied to a blogger who doesn't have children and/or NEVER writes about parenting issues, then calling her a "mommy blogger" just because she happens to be a woman is well, weird.
I'll be honest, I DO tend to think of you as a "parenting blogger", perhaps because that is how I first came upon your blog. I'll try not to do that :) But I just discovered Eden thanks to Twitter this morning, and thought her take on it was awesome.
I'm so glad you've jumped into the blogging waters, Andrea. Welcome! :)
oh, and I should say I have less issues with the term "parenting blogger" than "mommy blogger". I do write about parenting and the word parenting is in the title of my blog, so if someone was going to apply a label, that would be more appropriate. But "mommy"...no. Not even my kids call me that and the general public certainly doesn't get to call me that.
Well "mum" is in my blog name, but then, there's a post about that too!
I LOATHE the term "mommy blogger". And sadly, I am not a big fan of the word "mommy", period and as such, my kids call me "mama" . Over the years, I have heard the word "mommy" used in such sneering and sarcastic tones that the word is ruined for me forever.
I am not a big fan of the term "mommy Blogger"...but what I am a fan of is "OWNING IT"...So long as you Own and are proud of what you do..the label means nothing..and EDEN IS OWNING IT!!! Luv that..She could write about dust bunnies and it would have value, because she is proud of what she does..PRIDE..now there is a label we need more of...
This is a terrific post on such a hot blogging topic. I respect whatever label a blogger/writer gives themselves.
Well Done!
Since I am ON this list, I guess I should comment about it.
I used to be VERY anti-mommy blogger when used to describe me, since I am so much more than a mama, and truthfully, my story is about ME, not always about mommy-related things.
BUT, the truth is, I AM A MAMA. And it really is so much a part of me. I am only ME because I am a mommy. So while I'd probably label myself as a lifestyle blogger, I'm not at all offended when someone calls me a mommyblogger.
great post - I hope your explanation of why you didn't like the title got included in the publication!
THANK YOU for standing behind me! (Heh) ... my post happened completely spur-of-the-moment yesterday. I had to quickly do it and not think about it or I'd chicken out.
I've had a really big week/month of being labelled in the mainstream press down here, and I'm DONE with the labelling. Sometimes things cannot be so compartmentalised, even though I know it's a human trait to help make sense of the world.
I completely agree about me having the luxury to do what I did ... so many women across the world do not have the freedom of speaking their mind and heart in such a public way. THAT'S why I believe most female writing on the internet is a political act, and I take it very seriously.
xx
I've given up. I'm a mom with a blog... I hardly ever talk about my kids except to let y'all know that they're perfect and I'm not.
So call me whatever you want. Just call. No, really. Please. Someone call me.
Now this is a post!
Hi, Annie, you know I enjoy mild debates with you for pure intellectual stimulation, so let me try it again here. The truth is you are a white middle-class mom who enjoys all of the privileges that it offers you as a mom blogger, and you saying that you're not one, doesn't truly change the advantages you get from it. Much like I am a privileged white male even if I don't feel like I am privileged. So I'm sure it feels on deaf ears to those who are outsiders -- minorities, low income mothers, grandmothers and aunts doing the child-rearing, the childless -- when moms who are using all the advantages that being a mom blogger has in the social media world, say that they are not mom bloggers. Once you start labeling everyone, which I never liked from the beginning, it is very hard to put the genie back into the bottle.
I have a lot of privilege. I recognize that and I cannot make that go away. What I can do is advocate for a world that is more inclusive, create a space that is more inclusive, and criticize structures that are erected for the purpose of furthering the privilege of people like me at the expense of others who don't share that privilege.
There ARE lots and lots of "mommy blogs" out there and they may be cute, etc., and nice for people's own personal fulfillment, but I've found most them to be boring, personally, and with generally mediocre to poor writing. Your blog is very thought-provoking and well done and although the topics are generally about "parenting" it doesn't *feel* like a "mommy blog" to me. Same with The Feminist Breeder and Blue Milk (though I generally like yours best). There are a handful of blogs by mothers about parenting topics that just go deeper...
Thank you for sharing your quote, and for calling out the gender inequality of the term "mommy blogger", given that a man doing the same activity would most likely be labeled a "columnist". Gender inequality is often subtle and hidden in language which seems harmless. Good for you for resisting restricting labels and words.
YES, Rebecca! That's the point Annie made that's really inspiring me. "... a man doing the same would not likely be called a “daddy blogger”." Indeed. Thank you, Annie, for this!
I'm currently looking for reading recommendations to help shift my thinking away from mainstream acceptance of gender inequality ... Any texts, sites or web authors you'd like to mention would be most appreciated.
A lot of the feminist bloggers that I like are listed in the sidebar of the MIRCI website: http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org/. That is a good place to start. There are many more though. I should probably create a list of my faves at some point.
No, it didn't get included unfortunately.
Thanks for that, Annie. I'm not a mother: I'm a 43 year old woman who never attempted pregnancy .... Eek, there's a statement filled with baggage. I'll check out the site, though. And I'll surf your sidebar, too. Thank you.
Ooops -- I misread ... their side bar... got it. Thanks.
Those sites would be mostly written by mothers who reject the dominant mainstream assumptions. However, there are tons of other great feminist and humanist blogs out there that reject mainstream gender inequality. Jenn Pozner is a great person to follow on twitter. She links to a lot of amazing writing and research. https://twitter.com/jennpozner
As usual, Annie you have made me consider issues on a deeper level. I am on that list, and I was with Zchamu at the TV station with the many references to us "mommy bloggers" and I agree with both of you. I prefer parenting blogger or parenting writer, but I do use mommy blogger as a way to alert people to what I do. It is shorthand for a lot of things that I don't like, many of which you mention above, (I would also throw in crafts, but that's my issue, possibly not yours) but also a label that I embrace, mostly because of the amazing, dynamic community that it covers. If people want to take the time to read me, and the other mom bloggers out there they will see that we are a much more diverse, interesting and opintionated group than the term signifies. The Internet has become such an amazing space for women to write and voice their opinions, and it is too bad that the term -- no matter what it is -- is used in a patronizing way. So I choose to mildly own it and people can decide if I am just a silly mommy blogger or not.
Crafts is an issue for me too, because I'm not a craft person. I actively avoid it and outsource it to grandparents, preschools, workshops, etc. I love my kids and enjoy spending time with them, but I hate doing crafts. That said, I also have good friends like Alli from http://www.notimeforflashcards.com/" rel="nofollow">No Time for Flash Cards who have built up an impressive blogging and writing business around crafts. If that is someone's passion, then fabulous. I just don't want to be lumped in under an assumption that I do crafts.
I like crafts but I hate playgrounds. Am I am mommyblogger?
Get off my lawn!
I was blogging for eight years before I became a parent so I've never felt like I fit in with the mommyblogger crowd. I write about my kid and family on the site because they are a huge part of my life. I couldn't write about my life and not include my family. I tell people I'm a personal blogger - I write about my life and issues that are important to me. That covers it all.
I have learned in the years I have been participating more in the parenting community online that there are a lot more diverse, interesting, funny voices online than I once thought. Once I learned it wasn't all badly-written advertorial and contests to win coupons, I found some great people (including many of you here). So if someone referred to me as a mommyblogger, I may bristle a bit, but really, it's not such an awful thing. Parents telling their stories for others to learn from, get a laugh, or simply get things off their chest is not a bad group to be part of.
Much like everyone else, I don't care for the term 'mommy blogger' because I think mommy bloggers are undervalued.
As an example: recently the CBC opened a digital station in Hamilton. The station publishes a few stories about the city each week - mostly online articles and a few videos. The rest of the content is taken from select blogs that are published by Hamiltonians (which makes the CBC Hamilton more of a blog aggregator than a content producer and its value is therefore questionable, but that's another rant altogether). Shortly after the CBC came, our local newspaper The Hamilton Spectator began doing the same thing on its website too (although I'm not sure that it's been a success).
I suggested my blog to both news outlets (once to The Spec and twice to The CBC). I believe my blog fits the criteria well, and as a long-time resident, a home-owner, a mother raising two children in the city, and a business owner with a retail storefront in an up-and-coming neighbourhood, I know that I have valuable insights to life in Hamilton. Seriously, am I wrong? At the time that this all happened, I published frequently, I often wrote about Hamilton-specific events, and I put a lot of effort into writing well.
I never heard back from either of the news outlets. Even after a brief exchange on Twitter with the CBC about sending in my blog again when my first submission was ignored, no one bothered to acknowledge my second email either. And in the back of my head, I've always wondered if they both rejected my blog because I'm a 'mommy blogger'.
It's not sour grapes (well, maybe a little lol) but here's the thing - I don't see content from any mommy blogs on either of the two news sites - isn't that strange? About a third of the bloggers I know from Hamilton are mommy bloggers yet I haven't seen any of our posts being featured. We're definitely not valued as highly as other bloggers, which is an insult - as a group, mommy bloggers have a lot of great things to say.
One of the posts that you linked to mentioned how women have been silenced throughout history and by writing off 'mommy bloggers', society is essentially tell us yet again that our stories don't matter. But blogging is a way to tell our story, and I really appreciate that insight. Personally, I see mommy bloggers in a different light now and I have far more respect for the category as a whole (including myself). Thanks again for a great post.
Geez, sorry for writing a novel lol!
Hi, I'm a student doing a project on traveling with baby/child. What I would like to know is if you have had any problems with traveling or even going shopping with you baby/child.
This post has named what I have been struggling with since starting to write a blog with a friend of mine. I started to blog for family & friends when we moved from the east coast to Ontario almost 10 years ago, to keep in touch and share photos. When we moved back home it fizzled and then partly because I felt trapped in my house with a newborn, I started again this past winter. One thing led to another and I find myself co-blogging with a good friend. While I do write a bit about my 2 kids and our family, and I admit I am kinda crafty and like making my house cozy, I am not into being called a Mommy blogger. Maybe it is because whenever my daughter calls me "Mommy" she is whining...seriously. I am still working on writing in MY voice and finding again those things that I am passionate about, not just writing about cutesy caterpillars made out of egg cartons...although I do love that creating caterpillars will keep my daughter occupied for at least an hour.
Love this post...love your reasoning around rejecting the labee "mommy blogger"! As usual, you seem to have put words to something I vaguely felt, didn't have time to analyze, and also, I never felt free enough to the things you say as I was afraid to be attacked. The fear is starting to fade as I gain blogging friends (mostly mental health bloggers and PPD bloggers). I also believe the term mommy blogger is a way to again silence women, as another commenter added and the men who blog, as you say, w/b referred to as, of course, "experts." We need to hang together.
I don't like the word "mommy", especially, because of the diminutive. If I have to label myself, I usually go with "parenting blogger". However, I feel less strongly about this than I used to, and I believe that if other bloggers want to label themselves, that way, it's fine.
I also know that other people will label ME that way. If they do it directly, like say in a PR email, I might reply. But otherwise, I just can't get that worked up about it. I fit the stereotype you discussed, and I can accept that.