Tuesday
Jun142011
A civil post deserves a civil reply...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011 ...a rude post, not so much.
Last week, blogger Casie Stewart wrote a post ranting about an annoying family with a bunch of kids that she was stuck at the airport with. The post was a commentary on what was annoying her, accompanied by pictures of Casie, with annoyed expressions on her face or flipping the bird, along with captions saying things like "enough already, tame your kids" and "f%@k *uck f&c# f*%k" and "LOSER". I hadn't seen her post at the time. If I had seen it, and if she was someone I knew or whose blog I usually read and enjoyed, I would probably have let her know that I found her post immature and rude.
Or, in the spirit of "tame your kids", perhaps I should have written her mom an e-mail asking her to control her daughter. But I wouldn't do that, because I understand that the circumstances that lead someone to be loud, annoying, rude or offensive are more complicated than "bad parents". I'm sure Casie's mom is lovely. In fact, she left a lovely comment on Casie's post saying: "Oh Casie, we travelled so much with you when you were little I am sure we probably annoyed some people too. But must admit, you were cute. Miss you. Lots of love mum xoxo."
But ultimately, since I don't know Casie and don't usually read her blog, I probably would have just rolled my eyes and continued along with my day if someone had pointed it out to me. She may, like many of us, learn the hard way how difficult it can be to travel with kids (especially if there are delays, as it seems there were in this case). She may, with time, change her mind.
But just as everyone is entitled to their own reaction and opinion when they encounter something that annoys them in an airport, people are also entitled to their own reaction and opinion when they encounter something that annoys them online. Erica Ehm, from the Yummy Mummy Club took it to facebook and posted a link to the blog saying: "This rant was a bit much - what people who haven't had kids think of those of us who travel with kids." Erica got a total of eleven comments from six people on that facebook link. Hardly something to get upset over.
So far nothing to write home about. Just another day on the Internet.
But then it get's ironically interesting
One of Casie's friends told her about Erica's facebook comment and link and Casie decided to write a post about it. In it, she asked why Erica didn't write her directly or leave a comment instead of posting about it behind her back on facebook. I found this interesting, since Casie wrote a post on the Internet ranting about this family instead of politely approaching them in the airport. Not that I'm advocating approaching them, but I'm also not advocating rudely ranting on the Internet about it. Essentially, I don't see any difference between what Casie did and what Erica did, except that Erica was significantly more polite than Casie.
In her post, Casie wrote: "Why didn’t you share your thoughts from a mothers perspective? Maybe you have some great ideas on how to deal with a situation like I was in?" You know, I have a pretty good idea why Erica didn't do that. I mean, why would she be motivated to leave a civil, respectful and helpful comment on a post that was full of "enough already, tame your kids" and "f%@k *uck f&c# f*%k" and "LOSER" along with associated facial expressions?
If Casie had written a civil and polite post talking about the dilemma she found herself in and wondering how she should have handled the situation, maybe someone would have left a civil comment explaining why kids are sometimes annoyingly out of control in airports and giving suggestions for what she could have done in that situation. But I usually don't expect that someone who is flipping the bird and calling people a loser is very likely to be open to listening. So I wouldn't bother.
Casie's follow up post was a lot nicer than her initial post, which is why I'm replying to it right now and saying that I respectfully disagree about Erica's approach being inappropriate given the situation. I don't think that a rude post deserves a polite reply.
Interestingly, in her post, Casie noted:
"Let’s hope this incident inspires people to raise their children with manners & etiquette. We want the younger generation to be kind & respectful. Don’t we?"
Absolutely, we do Casie. Which is why next time my kids flip someone the bird and call them a loser, I'll be so proud that I've raised them to be just like you.
Reader Comments (68)
Well done, well done.
Annie, I don't think you needed to write this.
My first instinct was to say exactly what Katherine said: "Oh snap!"
Your logic in this is something I totally appreciate. She's obviously young, in that "I'm so cool I can do whatever I want" phase and doesn't understand how online dialogue can help educate, enlighten and build respect - her "community" is a clique, whereas most of us have relationships with those we talk online with that are much deeper than that.
I laughed at your last sentence, but have to wonder if that isn't doing sort of the same thing. Obviously there's no respect there - she hasn't displayed that she deserves it - but does the sarcastic comment make it any better?
Just being devil's advocate :)
No, I didn't need to write it. I don't think there is anything on this blog that I needed to write.
Annie, you've built significant moral and social capital here by taking on problems posed by society, culture, and business. This...this is what? To show some 9-year old who wasn't starting drama with you the irony of her ways? To amuse your readers? That's bad joy. It's so out of character for your usual behaviour that I was stunned by its pettiness.
Tell me it's your blog again, and that you'll write what you want. That doesn't address the criticism. This post was beneath you, and it was bullying.
I'm sorry if you wrote this in order to hear a bunch of "you tell her!" replies and I'm pissing in your cornflakes. I like you, and this makes me like you less.
No, that isn't why I wrote it. I wrote it because a number of people were tweeting about how "mean" the "mommy bloggers" were for complaining about Casie's initial post. I was a bit dumbfounded that they couldn't see that her post wasn't really any better. Not that mine is either (point taken), but I wasn't the one arguing that it was inappropriate for Erica to publicly complain about Casie's post.
Ok, but why address the second post at all? There is no need, and doing so does not improve the situation. And it's not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things that writing about it will change something for the better it would seem. Rather it has only elicited more people agreeing with you and dumping on her. Anyway, in the end, like I said, it's neither here nor there.
Sorry, bad choice of words from a new mother whose 10-week-old child has been on 5 flights already (he's pretty easy to "contain"... now.) What I meant by "contain" was "control". Not to defend the offensive blogger, but, who knows? These children may have been completely out of control. That can be annoying as well as dangerous. I believe children can be taught to understand that certain public places require different behavior - I certainly was and I really hope I can teach my son the same. The airport gate is NOT a playground. So, running and screaming are just NOT acceptable. Travel is stressful enough, don't add to your own or that of your fellow passengers if you can help it (and I really still believe you can.) Of course, babies are going to cry - they don't know any better - and parents do their best to make them stop and should not feel like someone's going to stab a knife in them (literally or figuratively) if they don't make it stop fast enough for everyone's tastes. People need to have more compassion. We ALL need to be nicer to each other because this planet is not getting any less crowded.
How do you engage with someone with as little self-awareness? as Casie I don't know but I'll bet her mother is embarrassed.
errr punctuation fail.
I am confused as to why a blogger would be upset by someone posting her blog to a Facebook page? Don't bloggers want their posts to be spread through social media?
I showed Casie's original post to my mother and aunt as well as her repost and this own blurb and the comments I got from both of them were pretty much this. Babies are in fact impossible to control, and dealing with them crying when they don't want anything is one of the ongoing struggles for mothers who understand how irritating it is for the world around them. But children old enough to reason is a different story. If a parent hasn't taught their kids the basic rules of how to act in public, then they'll behave even worse in difficult situations like long waits in the airports.
I can totally attest to this. I was never allowed to act up in public. The moment I started misbehaving my father looked me right in the eye and told me what my punishment would be if I didn't act properly. And more than once, my parents just took me home immediately. I do believe that it's 90% parents fault for not training their kids how to behave in public with the exception of extreme cases of behavioral problems. But that's just my two cents, and those of my mother and aunt who raised 7 kids between them.
You're slamming this chick for not being self-aware, but don't you think that someone who calls their blog "PhD in Parenting" isn't a little full of herself? Honestly.
Let's be honest, nobody wants to hear about, talk about, or see people's kids unless they themselves already have their own, and maybe this didn't occur to you, but what if the parents at the airport she was blogging about were actually shitty parents?
Yes, shitty parents exist. You might even be among them, and judging by how you're slamming this random stranger on The Internet I'd hate to see how you treat your own children.
@Backpacking Dad I agree.
@phdinparenting By time all the dynamics were explained, I was pretty confused, as a guy (or just as me).
I have seen Cassie around all the time at events and beside being a hipster (I hate hipsters, sorry to that, Cassie) she seems like a genuinely nice girl to me. So she bleeped up on social media...I wish someone older and wiser would have corrected her directly if that's how they felt and let the matter drop.
As a question to moms everywhere, if your child had this rant themselves online, wouldn't you just directly tell them that they're off base and not make a big deal of it? I agree with Cassie...I want people to approach me if I make a mistake, especially a big one. And someone with the amount of influence yummy mummy club has, I just don't get it.
I don't think Erica or Casie's posts or comments hold a candle to the mean comments on Facebook by the other women. I know Casie personally and she is a really lovely, sweet, kind and caring person. I am proud of her for being able to say what she wants on her blog and be open and honest about her feelings and thoughts. I would never have the guts to do that.
I am very sympathetic to parents and I love kids, I even love bratty kids (they're kinda my favourite because I think they are super smart). I'm just disappointed in the parents comments here because I hoped adults with kids weren't so petty and mean.
Casie if you are reading this know that many awesome suitors are probably lined up now to have babies with you because you are just so you and that in itself is truely amazing. I know you'll be an amazing Mom someday.
FYI - Backpacking Dad you rock.
Thank you Lucia. Sucks to real all these Mum's comments. I'm sure they wouldn't like to read that stuff about their own kid. My Mum read all these and reminded me not to let it bother me. I wasn't 'personally' attacking the family at the airport, the kids were behaving really bad, everyone was bothered by them. It sucked.
Reckon it would be funny if us young kids starting saying 'suitors'.
Thanks Laurie! #highfive
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