Wednesday
Jan272010
Covering up is a feminist issue
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Note: Since writing this post, some of the images have been made unavailable. However, I also created a video version of the Covering Up is a Feminist Issue message, which I would encourage you to check out and share.
Yesterday I read and commented on a post where a woman, mother, and published author was asking breastfeeding moms why they can't cover up. She wanted to know why women can't just be discreet. That led me to look up the word "discreet" in the dictionary and interestingly Merriam Webster says it means:
According to that definition, it would seem that asking or telling someone to cover up is, in fact, indiscreet.
But is refusing to cover up indiscreet? I don't think so. There is a wide range of opinions on what constitutes good judgment with regards to how women dress themselves and how much they should or should not cover up. Any time a woman is told to cover up or told to undress, I see that as an attack on her person. Telling women to cover up and telling women to strip down are frequently used tactics for oppressing women. There are both practical and philosophical reasons why no one other than the woman herself should decide how covered or uncovered to be. It is easier for onlookers to avert their eyes than it is for a woman to dress in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable.
When it comes to dressing, I think women should be able to choose from a wide variety of options. It should be up to them to decide how they feel comfortable.
Burka by niomix2008 on flickr
P1010131 by brookesb on flickr
Saturday Night Smile by LollyKnit on flickr
Paola by Gary Denness on flickr
19/03/07 by Sagrado Corazón on flickr
#4 rach in the rain by rachel sian on flickr
Leaning Back by Diana Blackwell on flickr
CLEAVAGE ON A LAZY AFTERNOON by fabiogis50 on flickr
Sesion Color by Master/Cyber on flickr
Sandra IMG_6836 by -Andrew- on flickr
Denim Skirts by Anita Robicheau on flickr
Hi mom! by Magdalena O! on flickr
365 day twenty-two: keep a light on by Foxtongue on flickr
When it comes to breastfeeding, I feel the same way. There is no one definition of how covered a woman should be. Some people think no skin should show at all. Others think anything goes. I don't think it is the place of anyone other than the breastfeeding mother to decide whether or how much to cover.
Magical Milk Pic-O-the-Week on welcometomybrain.net
Magical Milk Pic-O-the-Week on welcometomybrain.net
Madeleine hides under the Bebe au Lait cover by freeformkatia on flickr
Jones Beach by Joe Shlabotnik on flickr
DSC_5552 by 150hp on flickr
080308VanSickler073 by littleREDelf on flickr
Mamella by Amadeu Sanz on flickr
purchased from istockphoto
sosta in paese by Matteo Bagnoli on flickr
at 2 years old...by @noborders on flickr
Bonding by Mike.Hanlon on flickr
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes to dressing and breastfeeding, appropriateness should be decided by the woman herself. If other people don't like it, they should discreetly avert their eyes.
Yesterday I read and commented on a post where a woman, mother, and published author was asking breastfeeding moms why they can't cover up. She wanted to know why women can't just be discreet. That led me to look up the word "discreet" in the dictionary and interestingly Merriam Webster says it means:
Having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech: PRUDENT; especially: capable of preserving prudent silence.
According to that definition, it would seem that asking or telling someone to cover up is, in fact, indiscreet.
But is refusing to cover up indiscreet? I don't think so. There is a wide range of opinions on what constitutes good judgment with regards to how women dress themselves and how much they should or should not cover up. Any time a woman is told to cover up or told to undress, I see that as an attack on her person. Telling women to cover up and telling women to strip down are frequently used tactics for oppressing women. There are both practical and philosophical reasons why no one other than the woman herself should decide how covered or uncovered to be. It is easier for onlookers to avert their eyes than it is for a woman to dress in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable.
When it comes to dressing, I think women should be able to choose from a wide variety of options. It should be up to them to decide how they feel comfortable.
Burka by niomix2008 on flickr P1010131 by brookesb on flickr Saturday Night Smile by LollyKnit on flickr Paola by Gary Denness on flickr 19/03/07 by Sagrado Corazón on flickr #4 rach in the rain by rachel sian on flickr Leaning Back by Diana Blackwell on flickr CLEAVAGE ON A LAZY AFTERNOON by fabiogis50 on flickr Sesion Color by Master/Cyber on flickr Sandra IMG_6836 by -Andrew- on flickr Denim Skirts by Anita Robicheau on flickr Hi mom! by Magdalena O! on flickr 365 day twenty-two: keep a light on by Foxtongue on flickrWhen it comes to breastfeeding, I feel the same way. There is no one definition of how covered a woman should be. Some people think no skin should show at all. Others think anything goes. I don't think it is the place of anyone other than the breastfeeding mother to decide whether or how much to cover.
Magical Milk Pic-O-the-Week on welcometomybrain.net Magical Milk Pic-O-the-Week on welcometomybrain.net
Madeleine hides under the Bebe au Lait cover by freeformkatia on flickr Jones Beach by Joe Shlabotnik on flickr
DSC_5552 by 150hp on flickr 080308VanSickler073 by littleREDelf on flickr Mamella by Amadeu Sanz on flickr
purchased from istockphoto sosta in paese by Matteo Bagnoli on flickr at 2 years old...by @noborders on flickr Bonding by Mike.Hanlon on flickrBeauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but when it comes to dressing and breastfeeding, appropriateness should be decided by the woman herself. If other people don't like it, they should discreetly avert their eyes.
Reader Comments (214)
[...] a debate going on here http://www.phdinparenting.com/2010/01/27/covering-up-is-a-feminist-issue/ about whether women should cover up whilst feeding and I must say I was as surprised as anyone [...]
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED this article! So beautiful!
I totally disagree! I am a breastfeeding mom and feel it is 100% appropriate to RESPECT others and not expose myself to those in the area. Look away...please! Just because it is natural and human to have sex doesn't mean we have to display it in public and hope people look away and don't get offended. Yes it is natural and we are feeding our babies, but where is the respect for others? I get so mad all of the the feminist breastfeeding moms who feel it is their right or entitlement to expose themself. No it's not dirty or wrong to breastfeed, but it is called respect!!!!
How far would you go to respect others Amy? Who gets to decide what skin you can show and what you can't show? What if someone thinks it is offensive for you to be exposing your ankles, your shoulders, your face? What gives them the right to tell you how much to cover up?
This has nothing to do with having sex in public, so don't even bother going there.
Breastfeeding in public is not about exposing oneself, it is not about feminism (though it has some intersections), it is not about sex (a private act in almost every place and time and one that does not need to occur every few hours for survival, last time I checked), nor, just in case that is next, is it about defecation.
Breastfeeding is only comparable to one thing, which is what it truly is: eating...an activity which is not only normal and natural but also necessary and social in almost every culture.
Breastfeeding is how my baby eats. I don't want to expose myself or prove a point. I just want to feed my baby without hiding away from the world.
I loved the photos. The one that says "Life is good" is my favourite. (I'd just replace the flag with a Canadian one.)
I have nursed three babies and I always use a blanket or cover if I am nursing in a public area where I am in close quarters with other people (if I am at a park, or in a home I typically don't) For me it is about my own comfort level. I wouldn't wear a low-cut shirt or a mid-drift bearing top, a mini skirt or a bikini, and I don't want my stomach or my breast out for all to see when I am nursing either. For me, it's just not comfortable! So I cover for my own sake, not for those who may or may not be looking! :)
I LOVE that the photos started with a woman wearing a burka. It is a parallel I drew myself in a recent blog post: http://biglittledays.blogspot.com/2010/04/mama-dont-wear-no-burka.html
The choice it the crucial issue, not the practice. I love how people are all about nursing in public...but only if you're DISCREET--the argument is tired and counterproductive. Let's fight for our daughters' freedom to nurse anywhere, any way they want!
Burkas are demeaning and subjugating. Just because a large part of the world insits on it, a society where all women must cover themselves as a sign of their submissive status is inappropriate and an insult to all women. There is nothing we need to be culturally relative about here. Burkas are wrong. It calls into question the validity of an entire culture's perspective...something I would rather not do, but must if I am to hold myself as any sort of empowered woman.
[...] 2. Telling a woman to cover up or to strip down is a tactic used to control women. [...]
[...] Some of the 50 reasons: 2. Telling a woman to cover up or to strip down is a tactic used to control women. [...]
LOVE this! A picture is worth a thousand words- Very well said!
There were no Wiccans at the time of the Salem Witch Trials.
Back on topic, it seems that you are trying to back up your opinion on public "nudity" by saying that the law is on your side. However, as stated elsewhere in this thread, there are several places where it's legal for a woman to be bare-breasted in public. Austin, TX and New York City are two that I know of in the United States. Just so I'm clear, if your son sees a woman's breasts in Austin, is it okay because it's legal there? But not okay if it happens in Dallas, where it's not?
I agree, for people to witness breastfeeding, whether covered or not, it is normalizing. Some people will always be more comfortable covered up, and others won't. For me it's a question of proximity. If I have to nurse my baby while sitting next to a strange man, like on an airplane, I tend to cover up. Otherwise, it generally depends on what I'm wearing, or what type of situation I'm in -- I judge based on the occasion -- kind of like deciding whether it's appropriate to wear flip flops or not.
[...] breast may be exposed during the feeding of a child. Check out PhDinParenting’s thoughts on what discreet really means. most nursing moms are [...]
Well, yeah. But they deserve to be yelled at :p
My refusal to cover up is largely based on necessity. When I was pregnant I dreamed of blissfully nursing my daughter with a glass of water in one hand and my contentedly nursing baby in the other. These dreams were dashed when, moments after her birth I had to lift my DDD for her to be able to reach the nipple. 2 days later when my milk came in my DDDs swelled to H/Is and feeding my newborn became more chore than pleasure. I could not even scratch my nose while nursing her because letting go of my giant tata for even a second would cause 5lbs of flesh to cover my infants head. This led to many struggles with NIP as I tried to cover my baby while attempting to hold her with one hand and lift and position the breast with the other hand. Needless to say this was exhausting in those early weeks when nursing sessions last 45+ minutes. I had no way of knowing that there were ways to help with the big boob issue as all my BFing friends and family are members of the itty bitty titty club. I slogged through the first 3 months knowing that I was doing the best thing for my baby. But at 3 months a miracle occurred! My daughter became sturdier and faster and I contacted LLLI for big boobed help. It was a lifesaver. My daughter is now 6 mos and exclusively breastfed. We both love our booby time and I no longer pump @ work (another miserable tale altogether). However, it is highly impractical to carry a rolled towel around to prop my mammoth mammeries in public. And completely impossible to nurse in a sling. I have mastered the art of NIP and I choose to do it mostly uncovered for both comfort, convenience and safety. I choose to ignore the comments and discomfort of my own in laws and my own husbands pleas to 'watch out, some one's coming'. Often when I know I'll be NIP I wear one of my 'nursing tops'. Both are t-shirts. One says 'I make milk. What's your superpower?' And the other one says 'If breastfeeding offends you, put a blanket over YOUR head.' When I wear these shirts I feel that I've sufficiently warned people that boobs could join the fray at any minute.
Amazing post and beautiful pictures!
[...] of some sort themselves instead of having it thrust on them by icked-out bystanders.) Instead, insistence on a cover is going to make the woman feel dirty and wrong. What better place to keep your women, eh? [...]
I can relate!
[...] Covering up is a feminist issue (PostRank 9.9) [...]
Fantastic post.While I was unable to breast feed either of my children and so I really don't know how I feel about the issue I really appreciate the sense of natural beauty that your post is full of... expressed in both words and images. While others can tend to get a bit preachy about the issue you have shown how it is a beautiful, perfectly natural thing. Very well done :)
Well... the baby has some say in the matter. I don't know too many babies over 18 months that will *allow* mom to stay covered to for too long LOL
[...] about parenting, feminism, soc... Yes, they are. Telling a woman to cover up is a control tactic. http://www.phdinparenting.com/20...Insert a dynamic date hereView All 0 CommentsCannot add comment at this [...]
My son decided for me about coverage. He hated it so I learned how to breastfeed in public with no cover without feeling guilty. We live in Florida and when it's hot, it's hot and humid. I was glad he wouldn't agree to the cover.
i LOVE this post. I love how you said SO MUCH with little words. brilliant & thank you.
[...] year, I wrote a post called Covering Up is a Feminist Issue after seeing yet another comment from a self-proclaimed non-judgmental woman asking why women [...]
To anyone who is following the comments on this post, you may be interested in a follow-up version that I did in video format.
http://www.phdinparenting.com/2011/02/20/coveringup/?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=cover
Happy viewing!
[...] at PhD in Parenting has created a video to accompany an amazing post she wrote last year entitled ‘Covering up is a feminist issue.’ Read the article, watch the video and spread the word. Telling us how we can or can’t expose [...]
[...] The video is based on a blog post that i came across a few months ago (although it was written in Jan 2010) on the PhD in Parenting blog called Covering up is a Feminist Issue [...]
[...] loved the original article from PhD in Parenting, and now Annie made it into a video (with some help from her friends). [...]
Yes! I totally agree! I have a "Hooter Hider" (that's what it's called) that I use when I'm around my Mother-in-Law or in line at the pharmacy. But when I'm outdoors or at the beach I refuse!
First of all, the cover is hot and it bothers my baby! Sometimes she likes to look up at me while she nurses and if this isn't possible with a blanket or a cover she'll pull it right off. Second of all, if women who aren't nursing can walk around in bikinis and cleavage bearing tops then surely I can nourish my child with my breast - a breast whose sole purpose is to do exactly what it is doing!? I don't get why someone should suggest I cover my breast for doing what they're supposed to do.
LOVE the photos, by the way. All of them!
I think that Lady Gaga should wear a Burka to the next award show : ) That would get people talking
Thomas, it is legal to breastfeed in public and it is exempt from indecency laws.
[...] who is working on her “proverbial” PhD in parenting, has been blogging about the dichotomy most of us know quite well. We live in a culture heavily tilted toward female [...]
Breastfeeding allowed me ownership of my breasts and of my femaleness that I had never before experienced. I have the right to enjoy my own breasts with pride. Public opinion on my breasts as attractive or not, or as sexual objects is so unimportant and silly when compared to the amazing function of nourishing and bonding with my child that my breasts provide. I feel that my breasts are for me as a mother and for my child, not for public scrutiny. That is why I get passionate about defending my right to bare breasts. I am proud and happy that I breastfeed my child. How can pride in the act and shame in showing it exist together?
I feel saddened at the thought that this world will teach my daughter shame and I want to avoid being party to the painful tradition of shaming. What is covering my child while she is eating teaching her about how she should feel about herself and how her mother feels about her own body? I battle my own insecurities and shame in order to let my daughter know that nursing and breasts are natural and acceptable.
That being said, I do feel that feeding my daughter in a peaceful, quiet environment is preferable to a busy or noisy or otherwise distracting environment. I think of that time as special time between us and I prefer to be able to pay attention to her rather than getting distracted (I am, however, typing this as I nurse :). I have left the room in my own house to nurse when I had several boisterous guests so that we could nurse in peace.
Great topic; really got me thinking.
This is certainly a feminist issue in that anytime governments or ruling bodies try to dictate to women what they can or cannot wear it is problematic. If a woman dons a burqua by choice,more power to her! What business is it of mine or anyone elses to tell her how to dress?
The French government is attempting to curry favor with traditional voters by instituting this ridiculous law. It is-purely and simply-political pandering.
If the French government were interested in improving the conditions of women in a meaningful way, they would look at eliminating discrimination in employment and/or seek to reduce smoking.
Personally, I think more women -and men-would look better covered up,but I would never want government to dictate that preference. My belief is based on aesthetic reasons,not religious ones, by the way.
I'm not a mother, although I have been enjoying this article linked by a friend who is.
But I am an avid user of the Internet, and I'd like to suggest that at this point, intentionally or not, Thomas is trolling.
Don't feed the trolls. Feed the babies. :)
Nice boobs. Can i get their phone numbers.
You write that the mode of dress of women who wear burkas for religious reasons is "tied to the suppression of women's rights and being under the control of and subservient to men." I am not Muslim, so I cannot speak to the specific issue of the burka, but I do observe religious modesty laws (Jewish) so I hope I can clear up a spot of confusion for you.
I understand that, from the outside looking in, it appears as though laws governing women's (and men's) dress are a form of patriarchal oppression, since the folks "in charge", the rabbis, are men. However, these laws aren't made up by the rabbis to oppress us; in fact, they aren't made up by the rabbis at all - they come from God, and all the rabbis did was write them down.
The burka seems oppressive and restraining to me too, but as a religious person I can appreciate that religious laws look different to those on the inside than they do to the rest of us. I won't pretend that every Muslim woman who wears a burka chose it for herself and is free to abandon it, but I wouldn't be so quick to assume that modest dress is tied to the oppression of women.
The burqa is not required under the Koran, which, for Muslims is the direct and final word of God. The specific forms that modest dress takes throughout the Muslim world is a product of the various cultures in which Islam took root...cultures that were often far more patriarchal than what Muhammed related as the word of God.
some of those gruesome p[ictures u displayed have just showed the case.lady,are u aware that oppressing women refers to making them strip down n making them sex objects,NOT asking them to cover up,thats protecting their modesty.ok ur case on breastfeeding mothers needing their top uncovered is somewhat valid,but this doesnt forgive exposure anywhere else inappropriate.and even more so for unmarried women or those without breastfeeding infants.whats with women who wear denim rags or bare their backs,thats totally disgusting.u say its liberating,then can u tell me what of a man just striding around in a pair of trunks and baretop?
right,and then those revealing gowns worn on dinners and proms are part of being unoppressed?then tell me why do men have to put up with a full suit attire,up to their necks,down to their cuffs and feet?if im against oppression and turn up in t-shirt and shorts,what then?dont tell me thats too little because some of those dresses are really like bath towels.and dont tell me presentability,somehow u women have a way of glamourising the least adequate of wear and pass them off as acceptable.u talk like only women are deserving of freedom from oppression and men are obliged to abide by social constraints,is that fair?not to mention women's variety is way more than men's,to find a suitable outfit without being indecent should be an easy thing u'd think.
and also,in the workplace,women have way more variety to choose their wear from,while we men have to put on the standard office shirt n pants matchup,sometimes with a tie.women get to opt for knee length skirt when the weather gets hot,or shorter,without stockings.what can men even choose,to adjust his level of comfort?if its respect for the workplace and occassion,should women not abide to an equal degree as men?why should they be given the same regard but contribute less?
swim suits for women are supposed to be swimming costumes,NOT bikini,let alone skimpy ones even within the bikini category which reveals the butt n breasts,which defeats their purpose.and u expect men to put on boardshorts?how disgraceful,cos even swimming trunks cover more than those bikini u showed.
Great to see your post generating discussion. My co-workers were talking about those "crazy moms" who don't cover up. I let them know I was part of that clan, and that the mythical creature that takes their top off and angrily yells while BF has yet to be seen. Kind of like bigfoot.
[...] DiscretionThis wasn't discreet enough for some because her head wasn't covered is subjective and means different things to different people, ensuring that it is impossible to mandate. It can mean anything from covering the nipple to covering all flesh to covering the entire baby. Whose definition of discretion should be used? The nursing mother should cover to the level that SHE is comfortable with. That choice is up to her and nobody else. [...]
[...] details please consult the UdderCovers website. Click here to get your free breastfeeding cover now!httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzIGh9BtXGU I received my free breast feeding cover from the udderco...nd I urge all of you other nursing moms out there to get yours too before the offer ends! Simply [...]
Sometimes it's more uncomfortable to be around people who are trying so hard not to look! Have a peek at my beautiful baby getting a snack! I would check out your food, too, if it looked good.
[...] about advocacy related to breastfeeding I referred her to PhD in Parenting’s blog post, Covering up is a feminist issue, because until that moment I had not considered myself an advocate. I had somewhat naively [...]