Monday
Dec282009
I want to be myself again
Monday, December 28, 2009
I asked for a treadmill for Christmas and Santa (along with all the relatives who pitched in) came through for me. I asked for it because playing basketball twice per week is no longer cutting it to keep me in shape and I can't think of any other way to fit in more exercise without sacrificing time with my kids, of which I already have too little. With a treadmill, I can spend some time in the evening after they have gone to bed walking or maybe even running. I can do something other than sitting in this desk chair or on that couch.
I want to lose weight. I want to do it for all of the right reasons and some of the wrong ones. But mostly I'm doing it because I want to feel like myself again.
My pre-pregnancy weight with both kids was between 185 and 190 pounds, with measurements of around 42-34-44. With a BMI of 24, I just fit into what is considered normal weight. I have a stocky build, so even at my absolute skinniest in high school my BMI didn't go below 20. I stayed at my pre-pregnancy weight and even dropped a bit during the first trimester of both pregnancies. I gained an average amount of weight during both pregnancies and it was added on to a fairly normal, but certainly never skinny, figure.
Those pictures show me at the size that I am comfortable with. Not super skinny, not going to be a fashion model, but in fairly good shape and able to wear clothes without them either pinching me, sagging, or looking like a tent.
By time time Emma was about a year old, I was pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight. I got down to about 190 pounds or so. But then, as I described in the calories and breastfeeding rollercoaster, the less I pumped and the less she nursed, the more the weight piled back on. I thought it would stop at some point, but it hasn't. I keep gaining and gaining and gaining.
The weight gain has not stopped. Over the past 2 years, since I stopped dropping the baby weight, I've been putting it back on. I've gone from 190 pounds up to 215 pounds. I've gone from 42-34-44 to 45-37-46. I've gone from a BMI of 24.4 to a BMI of 27.5. I've gone from normal weight to overweight. I've gone from being comfortable with myself to being disgusted with myself. I am now the same size I was when I was 7 months pregnant with Emma.
I don't want to talk about my reasons for wanting to lose weight because they are my own. I do not judge others on their weight and I know that most people do not judge me based on mine. But I want to do this for myself. I hope I can count on those around me both virtually and in real life to cheer me on, to celebrate my successes, to console me if I don't get the results I hope for, and to not pick at every bite I take or every workout I miss.
Each year it seems like there are groups of bloggers that are encouraging each other in their New Year's health resolutions. If anyone knows of anything like this happening this year, please let me know. I can use all the support I can get.
I want to lose weight. I want to do it for all of the right reasons and some of the wrong ones. But mostly I'm doing it because I want to feel like myself again.
My situation
My pre-pregnancy weight with both kids was between 185 and 190 pounds, with measurements of around 42-34-44. With a BMI of 24, I just fit into what is considered normal weight. I have a stocky build, so even at my absolute skinniest in high school my BMI didn't go below 20. I stayed at my pre-pregnancy weight and even dropped a bit during the first trimester of both pregnancies. I gained an average amount of weight during both pregnancies and it was added on to a fairly normal, but certainly never skinny, figure.
This is me when Julian was 21 months old, about 1 month before Emma was conceived
This is me 3.5 months pregnant with Emma
Those pictures show me at the size that I am comfortable with. Not super skinny, not going to be a fashion model, but in fairly good shape and able to wear clothes without them either pinching me, sagging, or looking like a tent.
By time time Emma was about a year old, I was pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight. I got down to about 190 pounds or so. But then, as I described in the calories and breastfeeding rollercoaster, the less I pumped and the less she nursed, the more the weight piled back on. I thought it would stop at some point, but it hasn't. I keep gaining and gaining and gaining.
The weight gain has not stopped. Over the past 2 years, since I stopped dropping the baby weight, I've been putting it back on. I've gone from 190 pounds up to 215 pounds. I've gone from 42-34-44 to 45-37-46. I've gone from a BMI of 24.4 to a BMI of 27.5. I've gone from normal weight to overweight. I've gone from being comfortable with myself to being disgusted with myself. I am now the same size I was when I was 7 months pregnant with Emma.
I don't want to talk about my reasons for wanting to lose weight because they are my own. I do not judge others on their weight and I know that most people do not judge me based on mine. But I want to do this for myself. I hope I can count on those around me both virtually and in real life to cheer me on, to celebrate my successes, to console me if I don't get the results I hope for, and to not pick at every bite I take or every workout I miss.Each year it seems like there are groups of bloggers that are encouraging each other in their New Year's health resolutions. If anyone knows of anything like this happening this year, please let me know. I can use all the support I can get.
Reader Comments (70)
I am so sad I deleted the post where I actually photographed myself at MY most uncomfortableness (is there a word). Because posting it online for the world to see gave me the motivation to do everything I could to work hard to get myself back to a place where I felt comfy.
We are here. Supporting you to feel your best. XO
i know the feeling. it's so frustrating and discouraging! i was 130 pounds when i got pregnant w/my youngest. i lost my pregnancy weight when he was 2. and then, i quit smoking. i gained ALL the weight back. and yes, i know, it's better to not smoke. but still!
my biggest problem is how lazy i've gotten. and being a sloth does not aid in weight loss.
you can do! you seem like a strong and determined person.
good luck to you!!
I'm with you, sister! And your bathing suit pic rocks. I, on the other hand, have to go back more than a decade to find any good ones of me and even posting them on the Internet is intimidating.
I need to lose weight too. Or at least get more fit, if weight loss comes with that, great! I started doing babywearing DDR before, I need to get back into it & make it a habit. I'm actually lighter than before ds1, but still "morbidly" obese. The other day my 8 year old said "Mommy, I don't want to be fat like you & I don't want you to be fat either."
@wrapster and I were talking about a sugar free sistahood starting in the new year and I am joining @AgooAustralia in her #fatlossathon team. I desperately need some bloggy buddies to support me through losing about 50 pounds that have stacked back on since having baby #3.
I'll be a weight loss/ health boost bloggy buddy if you want :-)
Thank you! We are also trying to cut back on sugar for more reasons than one. I just ordered some cookbooks today. Can't wait to try out some of the recipes.
So THERE with you, mama! You must be pretty tall-- I'm 6' and I'm about 180 and a 24.something BMI.
I am excited to follow your progress, and excited to (hopefully) be right there with you!
I'm 6'2". :)
I completely understand wanting to find a weight that you're comfortable with. It's different for everyone. I'm probably 5kg (11 pounds) over my comfort zone as far as weight is concerned and am going to try to get active with my husband who is about 15kg (33 pounds) over what he's comfortable with.
I've had to change my fitness routine post-baby. I used to have the attitude that I'd rather eat whatever I wanted and just exercise more, but now I don't really have the time so I have to be more conscious about what I eat and find new and creative ways of exercising in the house.
So I have a skipping rope and a Wii (EA Sports Active is great) and I have one day a week where I have a 'calorie-free' day.
Good luck with it! I'm sure the treadmill will make a big difference and I always find I'm much more positive and energised with regular cardio exercise.
Oh how I hear you on this one. I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I am trying so hard to get fit and get in shape. I want to be a good role model for my girls and to teach them to love their bodies and to take care of them. But, how can I do that if I don't do it myself?
I want to have the energy to run and play with them and to not feel so tired all the time. So, yep, I understand completely.
You are not far from your goal, you will get there. Good for you getting a treadmill and being proactive about what needs to happen for you to reach your goals. I am sure you will do it :)
what i want to know is how do you still have nice-sized boobs? ;P mine keep shrinking no matter what my weight is. :P~~~~~
i am working on exercising more (for physical and mental health reasons) lately too. good luck to us both!!
Grass is always greener? I wish mine would shrink!
I'm right there with you! I've NEVER been in a bikini, and probably never will be, but I'd at least like to get close to where I was before I got married. -That's ~20 lbs to lose. To get to what I'd consider reasonable is more like 70 lbs! (ACK!!) That number seems almost impossible, so I'm going for losing that 20 lbs first.
Good luck! Maybe we can all encourage each other. :-)
Someone assumed I was pregnant again recently, that is my motivation! For some reason, I am carrying all my excess around my tummy, it is so depressing. I am planning to increase my activity levels and decrease my sugar intake (that is the really hard part) and hoping that is enough to start moving this spare tyre right back to the car boot where it belongs!
A woman recently confessed to me that she knows 4 Moms dying of colon cancer, and something in me snapped. I wouldn't want my kids to be without a mother. I want to be healthy. Since I stopped nursing my second son when he was 20 months, I have been putting on weight. I need to be healthier, leaner, see a naturopath and make sure all of my internal systems are giving me energy and vitality. I applaud you in your efforts. Wish me luck too. I will be doing a good workout 3 times per week and loading up on fruit and veggies.
Yeah, like Christie, my kick up the backside to get going was when a relative at Christmas, after a few glasses of wine, stared at me as I was serving the pudding and said loudly: "I thought you had your tubes tied after the last one? How come you're preggers again, didn't it work?" Granted, the uncle in question is a boorish and insensitive person, but still, I know he wasn't alone in thinking my belly betokened a 5-6 month gestated babe rather than just too much fat. I have actually gained weight on what I weighed at the end of my pregnancy with my youngest (now 10 months old) - I was 78kg when I delivered her, dropped to 70kg immediately and now weigh 79kg. Which gives me a BMI of 28.2 and a net result of way-too-fat. I want to drop 15kg and return to 64kg by this time next year - a happy healthy weight for *me*, what I weighed just after I had my firstborn. So I'm in if we're doing a bloggy weight watchers thing.
(((hugs)))
I'm far above my pre-pregnancy weight, fairly close to my 9-months-pregnant weight. We bought an exercise bike at a garage sale, I ride while I'm reading books.
Good luck to you. It's hard when your body feels so off, feels tired and sluggish from being less than fit.
You can do it! I'm similar in measurements to your pre-preg weight, size 12ish, but I'm only 5'4". For me the bigger end of comfortable is 160, and I'm about there now. I want to get a bit more fit, eat more fruit and veg and get more exercise, so that I can walk farther and climb more hills and stairs without getting short of breath. I have some clothes that only fit when I'm closer to 150 or even 145 lbs [more like a size ten] and while I don't HAVE to get to that again, I do feel healthier even 5 pounds less than this.
So, my BMI is relatively high, but I have broad shoulders & a nicely proportioned rack, so I carry it well & figure if I can wear regular L & XL, I'm doing pretty good. ;p (Sometimes even a medium, LOL.)
I've been promoting belly dancing to friends who want to get fit--it works your core and can reduce your measurements, even without your weight changing! My SiL thought I had lost weight since she saw me last year, and I hadn't -- but I have been dancing a lot more!
Good Luck!!!
I started running about 3 months ago - for the first time in my life. I go 3 times a week and run for about 25 minutes each time. I find this is a really easy way to fit exercise around the family - it's quick and effective. I've dropped a dress size since I started. But what I really wanted to share with you is the idea that it's your attitude to the exercise which makes it a success or not and which determines whether you keep it up. I've viewed the running as 'me-time', when I'm not being a mum (or anyother role) but I'm doing something good for me. I've found this really has helped my motivation and got me out even on rainy days. The 'head-space' (if you know what I mean) when running - or on your treadmill - can be almost like meditating, mentally as well as physically beneficial. Good luck!
I follow a blog called Mama Notes (written by someone else named Samantha) and she runs a fun thing called the "Body After Baby Challenge". I didn't participate last year, but it seemed like she had quite a few people participate. It's about to start back up again. If you want to check it out, the description is here: http://www.mamanotes.com/2009/12/body-after-baby-2010-this-is-your-year.html
Getting a treadmill is awesome - I have always wanted one. It is easy to fit into your day and easy to make a habit. I find walking/running the best way to lose weight, for sure. My eating has been horrific the past month or two - I never say no to holiday treats and I've gained 10 pounds now to show for it. I'm hoping to work out more and eat healthy in the New Year too.
I agree with Amy - lucky you for the nice boobs :) That is where I lost all my weight first!!
Best of luck - you have lots of support and I'm sure you'll be able to do this in no time!
Yep. I'm in. With lots of nice, juicy medical reasons to lose the 30 pounds that are hanging on fiercely to my body I say lets do it. I'm not a big one for resolutions, but I think some definite life style changes are in order and why not now!
I commend you so much for being so transparent (I love it LOVE it). I want similar things- I look back to just months after I had my 2nd child and I was SO TINY. Now I'm going on 15 months after having Ivy and I swear I'm bigger than when I was pregnant.
Must do something. I am behind you, girl. I might be joining you.
Steph
i so feel your pain on this one. i gained a bunch of weight with pregnancy 1 and had such issues nursing that it was all i could do to take care of my daughter let alone myself. 7 years later (appalling!) i have managed to take off 35 pounds and feel much better. i'm behind you 100%. the things that worked best for me? making time for workouts, no matter what. no excuses. weight watchers also worked very weel for me and continues to help me not slip back into old habits.
best of luck to you!
Awesome! I'll blog tips on purging oneself of sugar and some recipes too.
Please let me know when you do. I'll probably be writing about our efforts in that area soon too and I'd love to link back to you.
Oh, I totally understand you with this. I spent a few years adding about a dress size per year. When I got pregnant the first time, I topped nearly 200lbs, and I'm only 5'4". Between babies, I dropped some weight. I attribute this to breastfeeding and chasing a toddler, which was more activity than I was getting from my desk chair previously. Then just as I started running to get in shape in a healthy way, I was pregnant with #2 and morning sickness squashed any motivation.
I started running again when dd#2 was about 9 months old & I've been running pretty consistently for almost 2 years. My dh has been amazing with his support. The best part is that I feel good about my body- it's not in super-model shape, but I feel healthy and strong, which is what I really want to model for my daughters. I run with a group once a week on Saturday mornings at 6am. I'm home by 9 so the kids don't usually miss me.
Find something that you like- and try to find other people to do it with you. We meet to run at the local running store. There are walkers too. It really helps knowing other people are getting out of bed to meet me and I've made new friends too.
Annie, I'm with you all the way! Keep us posted so we remember to cheer you on regularly. Remember- you deserve time to take care of yourself and your body. So even if it means leaving the house while the kids are with your dh to meet friends to exercise, you are worth it. You are modeling self-care that will be worth more than a thousand words as they grow older.
((hugs!!!))
Thank you for the encouragement Karen! I am a WOHM and my DH is a SAHD. I already meet friends to play basketball twice per week. Between that and my work commitments, I don't feel like I can take any more planned time out of the house. I have too little time with my kids as it is and my DH has too few breaks from being a full-time dad. But the treadmill will be a big help. I plan to walk in the evening after the kids are in bed and get in a good run Sunday mornings while they watch their cartoons or something.
Wow! This is such a refreshing and honest post -- with pictures even!
Like many others who've already commented, I'm in the same boat. So we're all in it together. I managed to lose 20lbs this year (baby weight that still needed to come off), but now, it's all creeping back on - sigh. My middle-aged body really wants to be chubby!
I've been dreaming of a treadmill for the home because, like you, I think it will be a way to workout in the evenings when the kids are already in bed. I imagine it being sooo much easier to exercise if I'm on a treadmill in front of a television. Cuz that's what I used to do at the gym and time just flies by! (Movies are great for this too because they are even longer.) But, alas, I never go to the gym anymore and really don't know when I would find the time to squeeze it in and I don't have a single extra space in my house to put a treadmill.
Anyhow, all this to say -- you can do it!! You don't have much weight to lose at all; try just working on 5lb increments so that it is mentally less intimidating (a friend who is a fitness instructor recently shared that tip with me). And the treadmill at home is an awesome way to start!
Did I mention how much I LOVE this post??
My husband started running recently too. One thing we enjoy is running races together. He's faster than I am, so it's not actually together, but we enjoy encouraging each other and paying the sitter to spend some time getting healthy together is a good investment for us. Since you have the treadmill, maybe your dh would be willing to partner with you for goal setting and encouragement.
One other thing I wanted to say- I'm down to the weight and jeans size I was in college, without focusing on the weight, but more on my running goals. I'm registered for my 2nd full marathon on January 10th (but hurt my knee last week, so...)
The thing is- when I have a goal that isn't about my weight, my goals become real achievements without the disappointment of being judged by the scale. And that makes a big difference for me- being a little scale-neurotic at times in my past life. Hope this helps!
You're already a winner in my book. :^)
Pre-pregnancy I was 150 and at 5'5 that put me on the high end of normal. I wasn't 100% happy with my weight back then, but I looked good. Now, even with breastfeeding, I still weigh 170 (which is the same I weighed at my 6 week postpartum check-up and Peanut is 9 months old) even with breastfeeding constantly. I don't want to say it's a "New Year's Resolution", but I want to lose this weight. I've wanted to lose it since giving birth, but now that I've officially hit the mark where Peanut has been out of my belly as long as she's been in my belly (I read a book while I was pregnant that said 9 months up and 9 months down in regards to baby weight) I feel I really need to get on this.
That was very long winded, but my point is that we can be each other's support. Maybe we can start a Twitter hashtag.
The title of the post really says it all! I have been going through this myself. Pretty much the same story with the breast feeding roller coaster. My 15-month-old is still breastfeeding but not as much as before and after getting down to 4 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight, I got to 20 above it.
The worst part about it to me is that pre-baby I really loved to do outdoor things like hiking and backpacking. Last summer, my husband and I did the Marine Mud Run with his cousin and it actually wasn't anything that would have been difficult for me before my son was born. I simply could not do it. I was huffing and puffing just trying to WALK the course let alone jog it or run. I hate the idea of not being able to do something.....especially when it's something I could've done only a year before that. That was a big wake up call that not only had I put on fat but I had lost a lost of strength and endurance.
After doing nothing about it for long time, I started doing the 30 Day Shred which I love. Just a few weeks ago I had almost no strength and after keeping at it I have really seen a difference. The number on the scale is holding steady but I have definitely put on a lot more muscle. The workouts are not as hard and also I find that when I incorporate that into the daily schedule, I feel more inclined to eat right so I don't mess up what I did during my work out. My clothes are fitting better and I have a lot more energy and feel much more like my old self again. I KNOW that if I can get started and see some results you can definitely be successful in whatever it is you are doing!!!! I have a friend who is also trying to lose weight and get stronger and she and I email each other every day to report how we did the previous day. No shaming or scolding, just encouragement. And I have found that I do try a little harder because it keeps me accountable and I'd rather report good news than bad. A blog works perfectly for that too :) Good luck. If you keep at it, little by little it WILL happen!!!!
I'm with you! And here to support!! Your courage to put it out there is inspiring.
It's hard when your body doesn't feel like yours, whatever size/shape. I know I've gone through it at various times in my life, with my weight not moving or going up. After having our 4th in March I put myself last on list & it has showed through in every way, physically. Now I'm looking to find balance & feel more like me again.
MichelleH - ah, I keep hearing about the 30 Day Shred! I must try it. My brother just started the P90X program -- he says it's a killer but he still loves it.
Annie, your candor is impressive and beautiful, as always.
You might want to look up the No S Diet (http://www.nosdiet.com/). It's a simple, practical way of looking at eating that might appeal to you. Basically, no sweets, snacks, or seconds, except on weekends. I lost almost 40lbs relatively quickly last year using this paradigm.
I understand the desire to feel like yourself again. I can completely relate. When I was heavier (by 30+ lbs) than my norm, I felt pretty wretched. I felt like a heel for being "vain" about it, but the truth was, I just didn't feel at home in my body at that weight. Now that I've lost the extra (plus a little bit more, thanks to the No S Diet's having reset my internal hunger-meter, which had gone rather wonky from years of hit-or-miss eating habits), I feel infinitely better in so many ways.
Cheers to you! I'm sure you'll be feeling much better very soon.
Of course I know the feeling, as I have also been struggling with my weight issues since even before having kids, but even more so, now, even though they're older. It's a struggle, for sure. I need to get motivated to work out, and curently, I'm eating basically hardly any carbs, and that is helping with the weight loss, but i know it is not a permanent solution. It's tough. Good luck... I'm right there with you!
I am soooo with you, sister. My measurements are different, but my story is similar, and the bottom line is, I'm not too happy with what I see. I am also still bf'ing my 25 month-old, and my diet is pretty freakin healthy. Does this mean I'm going to have to exercise to get back to my pre-baby weight? *shudder*
@coffeewithjulie-I love it because I like that Jillian is no BS :) I do have Turbo Jam and the instructor has more of a "We are having a Part-TAY!! This is fun!!" kind of attitude and somehow manages to not be annoying, so I like her too, but Jillian is really motivational and just doesn't mess around. I also like it because in Level 1 the moves are super basic. Push ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks. And strength moves with hand weights. When I moved on to Level 2 it made my eyeballs pop out of my head a bit because the moves are more complex but I was amazed that I could actually do it!! Level 1 sets you up to be able to do progressively harder stuff. I have it on my cable for free right now, but I only get levels 1 & 2. If I want level 3, I'll have to give in and buy it! :)
My brother has been doing the P90X program too and LOVES it. I don't know much about it and was a little intimidated but he got great results with it and his girlfriend was even able to do it with him. She has some big health issues and a lot of physical activity can be hard for her. But it was challenging for my brother who is very physically fit yet his girlfriend who is not in the best of health was able to do it too. I think there is also an eating plan with that one but I don't know much about that part. :)
I think you're doing so much better than most of us by getting to basketball twice a week and I wish you luck in meeting your goals for feeling your healthy best in 2010.
I am there.
I lost so much weight after my daughter was born. It just came off. Maybe the breastfeeding, the walking, the stress over trying to figure out what I was doing. The second time the weight has not been coming off. My stomach is jiggly.
I find it discouraging but I also don't know what to do. I am too tired after a day at home with them to drag myself out in the evening and go for a run or to yoga class. I was running in the mornings after dropping the three year old at school, but that is hard to do now with the cold and trying to push a double stroller through the snow.
We eat well. I will admit to some comfort eating. But did I mention that I am at home all day with two kids?
I'm right there with you, too! I would like to have at least one more child and would like to tone up. We have a trainer-led class available over lunch so I took it and learned that nutrition is the key to weight loss along with weight/resistance training. So..... do not forget those elements too!!! :) We get our heart rate up then down then up and down. It really worked. I am cheering you on.
Getting into better shape and feeling better was my goal for 2009. My weight was fine, but I felt sluggish and irritable all the time. Since joining the YMCA in April and exercising 4 to 5 times a week, I dropped about 9 pounds, but more importantly, I have more energy, I feel better, I sleep better, I'm a better mom. And I ran my first 5K earlier this month.
For me, the key to making it work was making sure that exercise was the FIRST thing on my to-do list that got done, even if it meant getting up at 5AM to run, or skipping some house work to make sure I got my work out in.
The other thing is setting a reasonable goal. Taking several months to train for a 5K was a reasonable goal, and I'm giving myself almost a year to prep for a half marathon. And although I weighed 136 pounds when I got pregnant with my daughtet (I'm 5 foot 8) and dropped down to 131 because I was so sick, I've come to realize that it's not healthy or reasonable to expect to weigh that little ever again. And since coming to that conclusion, I've paid less attention to the scale and more attention to how I feel, what my muscles look like and how much weight I've lifted.
You can do it, good luck!!!
Whoops, that should say I'm five foot eight. Silly emoticons!
Thank you so much for posting this. You can do it, and I"ll be doing it with you! I'd love to join a circle of bloggers supporting each other in these healthy goals-- good for mind and body and spirit. You'll get there. It's not just having the treadmill but also your own determination and courage that will help you succeed. Can't wait to hear about your progress!
You look great and I think you are super brave for putting a pic of yourself in a bikini up!
My 4 yr old asked me last week if a baby was growing in my tummy ( His aunt is pregnant) I told him, 'No, Mommy doesn't have a baby inside'. Then he told me ' You need to exercise'. Yep, my 4 year old told me I was chubby. Now he keeps showing me exercises I could do.
This seems like one of those times Mommy has to step up and be a good role model for healthy living.
@kgirl - I actually found that even though my diet was really healthy, my portions were too large. I didn't even realize it, but I was eating the same portion size as my husband every night. I cut my portion sizes and for a little while I did feel hungry but then my stomach adjusted back to eating the portions that were right for me. You just might be able to do it without breaking a sweat! :)
I am here cheering you on! And also feeling your pain. My 16-month-old isn't quite at the age yet where I can leave him in the evenings, or where I really want to leave him in child-minding someplace. So maybe a treadmill is my answer, too. It's such a juggling act when you have small kids, and so often we just forget about ourselves until we realize none of our pants fit. Here's to doing something better for ourselves.
you are probably right - grass is always greener. le sigh.
I will support you -- and I'll be by your side. I haven't written my post yet. Mine will not have pictures or numbers (because that just makes me anxious and crazy), but it will talk about why I am going to be getting more active; and the other changes I'll be making in 2010. (And how they all tie together.) I tweeted my five resolutions already, but they'll make more sense when I blog about them.
A, come join @shredheads! It's been such an amazing online support source for me and so many others. I haven't been so much concerned about weight as carving out self-care time and working towards goals (e.g., finishing my first race after spending a lifetime saying I wasn't built to run), and the Shredheads have been there for me every step of the way. -Christine