Tuesday
May032011
Kids and Osama Bin Laden
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Yesterday I was listening to CBC radio. They were interviewing the wife of a Canadian man who was killed in the 9/11 attacks. She was pregnant at the time and her son is now 9 years old. She said that she told her son Osama Bin Laden was dead. He asked how he was killed. She told him that he was shot in the head by American soldiers. He then asked: "Why were they allowed to just go in and shoot him like that? Why wasn't there a trial?" This mother expressed both her own satisfaction at Bin Laden being dead, as well as pride in her son's sense of justice. I wish I had a link to the exact wording or even to the names of the people involved (the perils of listening to the radio while driving and not being able to write things down), but what their dialogue demonstrates to me is the complexity of issues like this and the variety of different reactions that are possible. I've heard reactions that disgusted me, reactions that scared me, and reactions that I thought were appropriate.
The issues are so complex and I think that is one of the reasons people are unsure how to broach the topic with their children, especially children who would not remember the 9/11 attacks and who may have no idea who Osama Bin Laden is. I wrote my take on that today over at the Bad Moms Club:
Sometimes Bad Moms Think It Best To Stay Quiet
The issues are so complex and I think that is one of the reasons people are unsure how to broach the topic with their children, especially children who would not remember the 9/11 attacks and who may have no idea who Osama Bin Laden is. I wrote my take on that today over at the Bad Moms Club:
Reader Comments (17)
I told him that killing is wrong, no matter who does the killing. I said that no matter how many people died because of Osama bin Laden, his death doesn't bring any of them back or make it better. Then I went into a kid friendly summation of this beautiful piece, called "Osama bin Laden is dead: One Buddhist's response" ( http://www.susanpiver.com/wordpress/2011/05/02/osama-bin-laden-is-dead-one-buddhists-response/ )
I don't think he should grow up thinking that the US is always right just because it's where we live - morality and ethics cross national boundaries.
it was another great post Annie.
The way we found out was that my six-year-old turned on the TV to watch a video and saw the news, so we had no choice but to talk about it. We said we do not celebrate when a person gets killed, even if the person was bad. He's known for a long time that we oppose war because killing and hurting does not solve problems.
I had told "the story of what happened on September eleventh" when my son asked about it a year and a half ago. So it was easy to explain that bin Laden was a leader of the people who did that and some smaller attacks. People are celebrating because they feel safer now that he's dead, but he was not the only leader, and his followers will be mad that he died and may hurt people because of it. This solves nothing. We are sad that our country kills people.
My 5-year-old daughter hasn't found out yet and I won't tell her -- she doesn't know about September 11 either. I would rather answer her questions than make a statement. However, when we talk about violence generally we talk about how some people think that it will solve problems but we don't think it will, and it makes us sad. I also think it's important to reassure kids about their immediate safety.
"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.".
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Perfect quote Sheri!
I was quite sad to see so many people dancing and cheering when the news was announced. It made me feel as though we are not any better than them... Yes, he was a bad man. I agree. But still, we don't need to celebrate his death by throwing a party. People can be relieved or even glad that their goal was accomplished but it would have been nice for them to take the news of his death in a more dignified way.
Yes. Tough topic.
My 7 year old asked about it - she heard from friends at school that Osama was dead and wanted to know what it was all about. We told her that Osama had been the leader of a group of people who had caused a lot of deaths (brief explanation of 9/11 followed) and that the US government and other forces had been looking for him for a long time, and finally found him.
Daughter: "Yes, but why didn't they arrest him then?"
Husband: "I think the idea is that they tried to, but he resisted, and so they shot him." Daughter, musing: "Hmmm. It doesn't seem right to me though, even though he was a nasty fellow."
My daughter is still too young for us to worry about this - and I hope that by the time she's old enough for us to discuss it, the war is over so we're able to provide her with the benefit of peaceful retrospection. I think it is always easier to look back on something and say a reaction was inappropriate than it is to do so in the moment. I also think it's easy to forget that 9/11 and other terrorist attacks orchestrated by al Qaeda over the years didn't affect any two people exactly the same - and as such no two people are going to react the same to bin Laden's death. When it comes time for me to explain this to my daughter, I hope that I am able to accept and forgive the multitude of reactions and emotions entwined with this topic and find a way to communicate that to her as well.
The Critter is only 2.5 years old, and so there is no need to discuss anything with him — yet.
The celebrations here in NYC embarrassed me, but did not surprise me. From what I could tell from a report on the radio about the celebrations at Ground Zero, most of the people there hadn't been directly affected by the attacks on 9/11. In fact, many of them were quite young — children at the time of the attacks, college-aged now. The reporter said that they were very patriotic — because they were waving flags.
Is waving a flag really what makes you a patriot? Is killing a man really justice? I suppose the thing to do to prepare myself for the eventual discussions with my son is to notice what the important questions are. Lucky for me, I'm still good at asking questions, myself.
[...] at PhD in Parenting chose not to talk to her kids about it: Kids and Osama bin Laden – “Talking to my kids about history is important. Teaching them about diversity and [...]
I think it's important to share happenings in spoonfuls suitable for development, but also truthful to your own feelings. If my son were old enough to remember 9/11 I'd tell him the man responsible for the attacks was found and killed. Older and we'd have a philosophical discussion about why death was the route the US government chose; younger and I'd explain that sometimes people are killed because of things they do to others (I mean, I could well be having this discussion about capital punishment, too).
Growing up during the Cold War I remember the nightmares I had about the Soviets "coming to get us." Learning about the end of communism and the Cold War brought my young mind much relief, much as I would think learning "the main guy" behind 9/11 is dead might bring this generation of children.
Personally, I was overwhelmed by the Bin Laden news; glad the hunt is over, glad he's gone, but I'm not jubilant. It's just another sad day for those who truly knew and loved him. It's always someone's baby, the way I look at it.
No I haven't mentioned it to my oldest (7.5 years old) or my youngest (5 years old). The news has been on while they're around but they haven't taken notice of it yet. If they were to ask then I would definitely talk to them about it but they haven't yet. And I don't think it's something that I want to bring up if they're not thinking about it or wondering about it, I think it might be too confusing. I'm sure that in the years to come, when they start taking more notice and more interest in the world around them and in history the questions will come and we will be able to have discussions at that time, when the curiosity is there.
Everyone is someone’s baby. But not everyone’s baby grows up to be a monster. And if my baby had been killed on September 11th or in the war that followed, I would have wanted the head of the person responsible on a platter and I wouldn’t apologize for it. You live by the sword, you die by the sword. He dedicated his life to violence and in the end it came back to haunt him. My son is not quite three so there is no need for explanation right now but when he is older we will talk about how a life of violence usually ends in a violent way and that is what happened. Our country cannot allow attacks on our soil to go unanswered. I certainly wasn’t dancing in the streets, but I was proud of my president’s decision and of our military’s actions.
We spoke about it.. My son is six and a half and he knows about the attacks on the twin towers, pentagon and the plane that went down. We spoke about the military and all the great things that they do. I expressed to him that I was proud that our military found him and caught him since he had done this terrible thing. I also told my son that I was very glad the military orders were to bring him in alive if possible. And that while I am very proud of our military and our country I simply do not think death is a thing to be celebrated.
http://snopes.com/quotes/mlk/rejoice.asp
This quote has been circulating a lot, but only the last three sentences are actually Dr. Kings.
I completely agree with this. Neither side is as white as they say or want to be. BOTH sides have done terrible things...sadly I can't say too much where I live since I live on a military base. Try telling a normal military soldier or wife that the U.S. isn't right either and woo boy...