Wednesday
Aug192009
Hockey mom? No thanks.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I am Canadian.
I am Canadian and I don't want to be a hockey mom.
It isn't the early Saturday morning practices in a damp cold arena clutching my coffee mug that are deterring me. Not that I would particularly look forward to that, but if that was the worst of an otherwise rewarding and life changing experience for my child, I would suck it up. But what it comes down to is this: I don't think that being involved in hockey would be a life enriching experience for my children. If anything, I think it would have the opposite effect.
I am Canadian and I have committed blasphemy.
According to a National Post article by Wayne Scanlan (bold mine):
I'm sorry, but I don't see it as my personal responsibility to feed the NHL, the NWHL, or even Team Canada their future star players.
When this was being discussed on the CBC this morning, they were saying that surveys in certain areas of Toronto that are heavily populated by immigrants found that only half as many children want to be NHL players as was the case previously (I don't recall what year they were comparing the current figures to and can't find it online). They found this troubling. Personally, unless the kids that no longer want to be professional hockey players have decided that they want to be drug dealers, pimps or white collar swindlers instead, then I don't see this as a problem. If those children want to be doctors, teachers, writers, scientists, politicians, aid workers, nurses, photographers, musicians, professors, or mechanics instead of professional hockey players, I see that as encouraging not discouraging.
Why?
I want my kids to be active, but I don't think that violent expensive team sports are necessarily the way to go. I'd rather focus on free play and developing creativity. If they want to shoot a puck around on the frozen lake or the community ice rink in the winter, then great. But if they do go into organized team sports, I would rather it be in non violent sports and ones that allow balance between the team and other aspects of their lives.
So to those from OneGoal that have their sights focused on recruiting kids in the four to eight year old range, please keep your hands off my kids. This mom doesn't want to be a hockey mom.
Related post: Harper's Backward Proposal: Critique of the Children's Art Tax Credit
Image credit: Paul Nicholson on flickr
I am Canadian and I don't want to be a hockey mom.
It isn't the early Saturday morning practices in a damp cold arena clutching my coffee mug that are deterring me. Not that I would particularly look forward to that, but if that was the worst of an otherwise rewarding and life changing experience for my child, I would suck it up. But what it comes down to is this: I don't think that being involved in hockey would be a life enriching experience for my children. If anything, I think it would have the opposite effect.
I am Canadian and I have committed blasphemy.
According to a National Post article by Wayne Scanlan (bold mine):
"We can no longer take it for granted that growing up in Canada means you're going to be in love with hockey, or with the NHL specifically," Bibby told Canwest News Service.
Until now, it has only been accepted that hockey has struggled to gain a foothold in Southern U.S. markets. Logically, hockey viewership is bound to take a hit from splintered audiences, even in Canada.
But for mothers and fathers not to sign their children up for initiation hockey programs? Now that is sacrilege.
Hockey registrations in Canada bear this out. Though an increase in female registrations (up nearly 40 per cent over the past five years) helps to soften the blow, boys hockey registrations are more or less treading water and are projected to trend downward, according to Hockey Canada models.
In a nutshell, there will be a smaller pool from which to draw players in the next five to seven years, and many of the eligible youth players have grown up with a soccer ball on their feet instead of a hockey stick in their hands.
I'm sorry, but I don't see it as my personal responsibility to feed the NHL, the NWHL, or even Team Canada their future star players.
When this was being discussed on the CBC this morning, they were saying that surveys in certain areas of Toronto that are heavily populated by immigrants found that only half as many children want to be NHL players as was the case previously (I don't recall what year they were comparing the current figures to and can't find it online). They found this troubling. Personally, unless the kids that no longer want to be professional hockey players have decided that they want to be drug dealers, pimps or white collar swindlers instead, then I don't see this as a problem. If those children want to be doctors, teachers, writers, scientists, politicians, aid workers, nurses, photographers, musicians, professors, or mechanics instead of professional hockey players, I see that as encouraging not discouraging.
Why?
- The NHL and other professional hockey leagues glorify violence and glorify excess. It is a bunch of primarily white men being paid exorbitant amounts of money to pound the shit out of each other while perhaps also trying to get that little puck in the net.
- Hockey requires a significant time commitment. One that would take away from family time, from free play time, and from studying. I think casual team sports can be rewarding, but am not impressed with the idea of our entire lives revolving around practice and tournament schedules.
- It is pretty damn expensive. Especially at the rate that kids grow, to be buying a full set of equipment each year (even if bought second hand) and paying for travel to tournaments, ice time, league fees, and so takes much needed funds away from other things our family would like to invest in.
- Jocks are often pompous jerks. A generalization perhaps, but there you have it.
I want my kids to be active, but I don't think that violent expensive team sports are necessarily the way to go. I'd rather focus on free play and developing creativity. If they want to shoot a puck around on the frozen lake or the community ice rink in the winter, then great. But if they do go into organized team sports, I would rather it be in non violent sports and ones that allow balance between the team and other aspects of their lives.
So to those from OneGoal that have their sights focused on recruiting kids in the four to eight year old range, please keep your hands off my kids. This mom doesn't want to be a hockey mom.
Related post: Harper's Backward Proposal: Critique of the Children's Art Tax Credit
Image credit: Paul Nicholson on flickr
Reader Comments (120)
I have 5 kids. 4 boys. My dad was scouted for the Black Hawks and Red Wings some 50+ years ago. We don't do hockey. My kids are very active, we love soccer and Tae Kwon Do and dance. We live a block from the community rink and very slowly they are all learning to skate. Both my parents were born in Alberta and I've lived here all my life. We enjoy watching the occasional game. But it's never been "the thing." My husband also born and raised here can barely skate. My feet lock up in throbing pain when I lace up. Is this a sign of cultural degradation, deep failing as parents? Or is it a sign that Canada is growing up? We're becoming more culturally diverse and our culture is becoming richer and more complex, so something as simplistic as a single sport no longer encompasses all it means to be Canadian.
Here in Louisiana, football is the state religious sport. I had forgotten how extreme it was and this weekend, when there were games on, the streets were so under-crowded, the stores empty, that I wasn't sure what was going on. Then it hit me: OH! It's football season again! Hooray! I can shop in peace while the large majority of my town is at home yelling at their TV sets!
Soccer is pretty big in our town for the young kids and I just don't want to do it, either. My daughter has some skill at swimming and we've been encouraging that because it can be a team thing, too, and it's something that will help her with real life, all her life, fitness. My son, who is autistic, doesn't care about team stuff but he is sort of interested in playing basketball.
So. I guess he'll have to learn how to be a man by being a man. His football/soccer/hockey male initiation will have to be put off til he can someday figure out whether he wants to bother with other people. Now, if he does decide he wants to do that, the coaches are going to be very excited because he is a natural athlete. For now, he'd prefer to act out his favorite videos. I don't think his "male spirit" is hindered by me not caring which football team paid for the best athletes this year.
Great post. I think every set of parents needs to make decisions that best reflect their values. I'm so tired of parents judging one another.
And I think we place way too much value on hockey in Canada. My 9 year old son is extremely active in taekwondo. He trains 4/5 days per week and two of those days are double classes. He loves it so much - my husband and I have to watch for the signs of over-training and cut him back sometimes. Yet the families who have children in hockey say they spend more time and money on their kids than we do on our son! Because hockey is apparently the only valuable sport in Canada!
We are happy with our decisions as a family and I hope others are, too. Please respect our choices and I'll respect yours.
Hahah. Hang on, I need a moment to catch my breath from laughing at Jason's assinine assumption that a boy needs to know how to handle a hockey stick to become a strong independent man. Snicker.
Okay. Here's the truth. Between my husband and his three siblings, we managed to collectively produce fifteen children, all within a few short years. We've got hockey playing kids in our family. A lot of them, actually. So when it came our turn to sign our children up for hockey, we thought long and hard about it. Ultimately, we decided hockey wasn't a fit for either of our children, boy or girl. Neither kid was all that interested in playing the sport, we really couldn't afford the expenses of league fees, equipment costs or the cost for transportation. So we chose a different activity. And my kids are sports loving jocks, and I know you know, Annie, I spend a good portion of my day ferrying my kids to these activities because I constantly bitch about it on my blog and on twitter.
But what we've seen first hand from having family members in the hockey environment is what it does to the family and the child. It consumes them. To the point of detriment. And it consumes them equally, even if they are playing just for fun like my nephew, or like my niece who is playing Triple A and is being courted by Team Canada.
We watch and we see what is happening, and the hockey culture, and even as avid hockey fans who love a good brawl on the ice, and we don't want our children involved in that. Heck, if I could pull out all the kids I loved from this sport until the leagues, the politics and the parents clean it all up, I totally would.
So I understand and identify with this post Annie. Even if people like Jason don't. And my husband, a kid who grew up NOT playing hockey, still turned out to be a mighty fine independent, fully functioning adult MALE. Weird, eh?
oh how i loved this post. i won't go on and on about it, but will say it resonated greatly. the whole idea of the Canadian boy identity was enough to lull us into putting our son into a sport he's not designed to play. thankfully, we came to our senses very early on. what a relief to say it's behind us and that's where it will stay.
Jason - the same can be said about soccer, baseball, piano lessons, ballet lessons, skiing, swimming lessons, learning to ride a bike, etc. Where do you fit it all in? I think one of the main responsibilities I have as a parent is drawing limits, and one of those limits is 2 extra curricular activities at a time. My kids need time to play, relax, enjoy their friends, and of course, do their homework. Over scheduling is hell. My kid just started Grade 1 and he's tired as hell every single day. So how do you choose? Why hockey over baseball? Why soccer over skiing? I go with what my children want to do , I'm not here to force anything on them. They want boy scouts and swimming? Great. Soccer and skating? Great. Next year we can try something else. And you know what? Neither he nor I give a crap about whether he'll be "behind" the other kids in a given sport. He's having fun, learning skills and getting physical exercise. He is SIX YEARS OLD.
And I'm so happy for you that you've effectively ended your own life to service those of your children. I hope to hell you can find something to do with all that time when they've all left the nest.
Annie doesn't homeschool Jason - which you'd know if you had read more than this article before pulling that straw man out of your rear to take a swing at. I, however, DO homeschool. The ignorance of homeschooling that you are showing in your personal attack of Annie is bog standard. *YAWN*
Children *have to start early in order to enjoy and benefit from the game? Explain that to my 62 yr old Mother who put on her first pair of hockey skates two years ago and now practically lives on the ice and skates circles around the men. And I'm sorry my darlin' but maybe ur mother might have held u back from maturing into a man as we can tell from ur ignorant comments, but most mothers want to see their boys grow up to be strong men. Hockey or no. It is not selfish to want to spend time with ur children while they are young. My oldest boy just turned 7 and showed no interest in spending his time at scheduled activities, but would rather go fishing with his Dad, playing soccer with his friends, or camping with the whole family. He has shiwn an interest in basketball recently, so we will sign him up for that. But when he is a grown man and sharing his childhood experiences with his children I can guarantee his favorite memories will be the ones with hos family, not the ones on the court/rink
Excuse any spelling mistakes can't be perfect all the time ;)
another clause:
- Hockey requires you to out source (guilt trip) your friends and relatives to take your children to various hockey games, practices and after school programs (hockey camps).
I think you could have made your points a lot more persuasively if you had tried to be even remotely reasonable.
Of COURSE it is ridiculous for hockey officials to suggest that Canadian parents are failing Canada if they refuse to put their kids into hockey. However, implying that parents only put their kids in hockey because they have unrequited dreams of the NHL for themselves is equally ridiculous.
At any level, any sport, activity is good for kids. Learning important team building skills from playing organized sports is also great. Setting one sport aside as inherently problematic shows a very limited and close minded approach.
It is our job as parents to expose our kids to a variety of experiences. Any of those experiences may have aspects to them which we find we don't agree with or we are concerned about the impact of. It is then our job as parents to decide how to react: that may mean stopping involvement in that particular activity or it may mean getting more involved ourselves to try to improve the situation. Rejecting an experience out of hand because of personal prejudices or experiences doesn't usually serve our kids very well. This applies as equally to drama camp as it does to lacrosse.
Out of all your posts which I have read over the past few years, this is the first time I've been so thoroughly disappointed in your approach to an issue - and I've agreed or disagreed with you equally on many points, but always felt you were very thoughtful in your approach. Not this time.
I appreciate your candor, Megan. I cannot agree, however, that "setting one sport aside as inherently problematic shows a very limited and close minded approach." To be fair, it isn't the only sport I would set aside as problematic, but it probably the only one that is pushed aggressively onto Canadian children. I do think, however, that my reasons for not wanting my children to be involved in hockey are valid and not simply a result of "personal prejudices" (except perhaps the comment about jocks, which was meant as a tongue-in-cheek joke).
Kids aren't routinely getting head injuries in drama as they are in violent team sports such as football (American) and hockey. I can't agree that "any sport...is good for kids". There is evidence pointing to certain sports as being overly dangerous, and potentially leading to long-term harm; it would be irresponsible to ignore those studies just to go along with the flow. There are many ways to develop cooperation and group skills that don't involve head injury.
I kind of agree with Megan, above. This was not your best post. Of course, I grew up playing all sorts of sports - baseball, swimming, soccer, rowing - and LOVED it! We had crazy schedules - I started morning swim practices in 7th grade, waking up at 5am to practice before school, and rowing all the way through college. No spring breaks to Cabo or Friday nights at the bar for this lady. Summers were spent recovering, cross-training, finding fun new ways to get fit, and I loved every bit of it!
It always makes me sad to see athletics get thrown under the bus. Your comment, while tongue in cheek, about "dumb jocks" does a lot to perpetuate some pretty horrific stereotypes. At my university athletes had higher GPAs and better graduation rates than the average student body. I was an engineering major and my team was a top-5 contender at NCAAs for three of the years I was in school. Women on my team went on to med school, nursing school, law and business school, became teachers and officers, coaches, and moms.
Sorry to go all anecdotal on you. Sports provide a wonderful framework for education - the education of the real world: time-management, goal-setting, working with a diverse group of people, learning to deal with failure, and learning to deal with success, learning to focus on the journey and not just the destination. And for girls in particular, involvement in sports is repeatedly shown to make a difference in increased self-esteem, delayed onset of sexual activity, and better grades.
Nice article here: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/15/as-girls-become-women-sports-pay-dividends/
I don't play hockey and I don't live in Canada, but we have plenty of sports-crazed families here in the states. A good athletics program can be so wonderful. And I have been a part of far more good programs than bad ones (and learned from the bad ones too).
Now that I have young kids of my own, I can't wait until they are old enough to join the local swim team and soccer teams. And if my kids show a strong interest in art or drama or music then that is great as well. But I am not going to delay starting any activity because I am worried about some preconceived notion of tough scheduling or violence or poor coaching. We'll cross that bridge when and if it comes.
Finally some sanity, thank-you Nicole!
Hey ya'll. Just wanted to give my input because I feel like I see it from both points of view (namely the author and 'Jason').
I live in the US, and on a broad scale, I feel like professional sports are over glorified in our society. Jocks rather than scientists are promoted as being 'cool' and sometimes sports dominate the college experience. The sexual abuse issues at Penn State was able to *thrive* because of that football mentality (where you daren't challenge the head coach etc).
On the other hand, my husband speaks about how he used to be a scaredy cat as a little boy, and his mom (a single parent) enrolled him in the kiddie version of football (I'm not American by birth so I'm not sure what it's called) and he cried and cried because he didn't want to go and he was scared of the other boys etc.
My husband credits this as a turning point for him seeing himself not just as a kid or mummy's baby boy but as his own man. Because sometimes you don't want to do something, but your parents push you in that direction and you like it. He also had a similar experience with basketball camp where didn't want to go, and even though he didn't like it at first, he's able to look back now as a grown man and appreciate how the experience .
When you are a parent, I don't really think it is about you. I have 2 boys in hockey and they are so passionate about it. I don't LOVE being a hockey mom. I would prefer to do other things, quite frankly. But I do it because they love it so much. And when I say they are passionate about it, this is not an exaggeration. My boys live for hockey!
I have decided that I am going to support them in whatever they choose to do (in terms of extra-curricular activities). Telling them they can't do something, that they have to do something else, because of your personal views of hockey does not translate to being a strong parent. Strong parenting begins at home, as you guide them, teach them and nurture them. Then, as they go out into the world as confident, smart, kind and empathetic individuals who happen to love hockey and want to play, you support them. Because that is what good parents do.
As a proud Canadian male, I must say the attention heaped on hockey lis laughable. I agree with you completely.
Bread and Circus's ... Our children's time would be better spent developing proper social skills and learning in general vs bullying around a rink pushing a black disk.
Oh and those hockey moms .... they're just bored and facing irrelevance.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_and_circuses
I think many parents live vicariously through their children.
I know a mom who is posting all over social media that she is a hockey mom, and loves every minute of it - always advertising her 7 year old playing competitive rep hockey and having a blast.
I think it is more about fulfilling her own identity (or lack of).
How does she know he is having a blast? Competivite sports can be very detrimental to a young child.
I think many parents live vicariously through their children.
I know a mom who is posting all over social media that she is a hockey mom, and loves every minute of it - always advertising her 7 year old playing competitive rep hockey and having a blast.
I think it is more about fulfilling her own identity (or lack of).
How does she know he is having a blast? Competivite sports can be very detrimental to a young child.