Room for Two
Monday, December 14, 2009 I'm taking a little bloggy vacation this week and letting you all be entertained by some of my favourite bloggers. This is a guest post by my BlogHer 09 roomate, Amy the Crunchy Domestic Goddess (this post was previously published on her blog).
One of Ava’s books about nursing (Breastmilk Makes My Tummy Yummy) contains a picture of a mom nursing a toddler and a baby and states: “Two can breastfeed without fuss, there is room for both of us.” On Wednesday night, we - me, Julian and Ava - experienced that for the first time.
Jody had to work an unusually long day yesterday and wasn’t planning on getting home until after 8 p.m. Since I knew Ava was really tired I decided to try to put her to sleep while Julian slept in the swing. Seems easy enough, right? Well, wouldn’t you know it, just as I got Ava undressed, Julian woke up crying. So much for easy. I brought him in the bedroom with us, hurriedly put Ava in her PJs, washed her face and hands (we skipped brushing teeth) and we all laid down on Ava’s twin bed (it was cozy) so that I could nurse Julian and hopefully, get Ava to sleep. She thought it was quite fun that we were all laying on her bed together. When I asked her if she wanted “na-na” (to nurse) with Julian, the giggles started. It took a bit of acrobatics on Ava’s part to nurse since I had Julian in the side-lying position, but she/we managed it. She giggled a lot as she nursed and thought the whole thing was quite funny, and I started laughing a few times too appreciating the comedic value of the scene. After the giggles subsided, she stroked Julian’s cheek and then held his hand as they both nursed, and it was a very sweet moment. Then the giggles started back up again. ;)
It was all going quite well (other than being a bit uncomfortable for me), when Ava remembered that we hadn’t read any books yet - something that daddy generally does as part of her nighttime routine. Since Julian was asleep at that point, Ava and I got some books, turned on the closet light and read in the little hallway by the closet while we sat on the floor. She thought that was pretty fun too. ;) Then Julian woke up so I brought him to our storytime on the floor as well.
It was about that time that daddy got home, so he came in and proceeded to brush Ava’s teeth, then took Julian downstairs so I could finish putting Ava to bed. She had a bit more na-na though not without first saying she wanted to do it with Julian again. Aww. I explained to her that it was a special occasion that she had na-na with Julian because daddy wasn’t home yet. She seemed OK with that, had her na-na, rolled over and drifted off to sleep.
Never a dull moment in this house. ;)
I was talking with a friend about breastfeeding recently and she observed that since Ava only nurses once per day (before bed) that I’m not really tandem nursing, and she’s right. I made the decision before Julian was born that even if Ava asked to nurse more frequently (than her usual once before bedtime nursing), I was going to say no. It was hard to tell her no a few times when she was really upset, but I knew I had to set those boundaries or I would end up tandem nursing them, which wasn’t something I felt comfortable doing. And now after having nursed them simultaneously once (which may be the only time I do - we’ll see), I am happy I made the choice that I did because I honestly can’t imagine nursing two kids throughout the day and/or night. I commend the women who are able to do it. :) You rock, girlfriends!
Amy Gates (@CrunchyGoddess)blogs about green living, attachment parenting, activism and about living with an anxiety disorder at Crunchy Domestic Goddess. Her daughter Ava weaned at age 4 1/4 and her son Julian just turned 3 and continues to nurse.
Reader Comments (12)
Thanks for sharing this! Makes me miss tandem nursing. I chose to not nurse my children simultaneously very often, but it when I did it was such a sweet thing for them.
I wish I had been able to tandem nurse--mostly to experience the sweet moment between siblings you discussed--but couldn't conceive until I weaned my son at 16 months (and I had to get a move on because I am an "old" mommy). And I was still somewhat squeamish at that time otherwise I would have let my son start nursing again when his sister was born. Some people may think that is weird but I think it would have helped with the intense jealousy and sibling rivalry my very "spirited" son experienced; he had outbursts of rage and aggression towards all of us that were very painful to parent. I think it is so important for more moms to share their tandem nursing experiences so we can break the cultural taboos! I am particularly proud and grateful that actress Kelly Rutherford shared hers with us at the Best for Babes Foundation.
Great post! I have to disagree with one thing. I think that tandem nursing is any time a mom is breastfeeding more than one child, whether it is simultaneously or not. You still have the demands of more than one to meet, and it brings up all sorts of new challenges!
I tandemed my boys for about 4 months before my oldest choose to wean, saying he wanted pizza not milk LOL! I would breastfeed them together often, but just as often I would have them take turns with the baby going first and then the toddler. The memories of that for me are just so precious. Thank you for reminding me of them!
Yes, thanks for sharing. I can just imagine the stifled giggles.
I love hearing about other moms tandem nursing. Although I must admit I learned from your post that I had the definition wrong. I nurse both my daughter (August 07) and my son (January 09) and assumed I had been "tandem nursing" this past year. But like you, I rarely nurse them at the same time which I suppose is the true definition of tandem nursing. I have done it a few times, especially early on when my youngest was a newborn. I imagine if I tried it now it would degenerate into a giggle fest and they would forget all about their "mee mees." Breastmilk Makes my Tummy Yummy is a favorite book in our house as well! Thanks for the post.
Honestly Mary, I really think if you are breastfeeding two or more kids (whether or not you are doing it simultaneously) you are still tandem nursing. I wrote this post two years ago and had a different view of it then, but I've since changed my mind. ;)
I weaned my first child early in my second pregnancy, when she was almost 3. We also had a couple of dodgy moments, but on the whole it was really good for us. She was ready, and I was more than ready. I think that tandem nursing is great, and I admire the moms who can pull it off. So far, that's not me. Although if I were to have my children closer together, I would definitely consider it.
Actually, I think it's better to say that my friend was mistaken (and I didn't know any better). Nursing children of different ages is tandem nursing whether it's at the same time or not. So be proud of your tandem nursing, mama. :)
I tandem nursed for 5 months. We only did it all together a few times, which my oldest also thought was pretty cool, much to my surprise. I wasn't sure if she'd like sharing her mom with her newborn baby sister but I think it actually helped them bond. I got the heebeejeebees a couple months into it but it wasn't the tandem nursing that did it, it was just nursing my oldest on her own that made my feel physiologically weird. At that point I would only nurse her before bed and if she got hurt and then we agreed to wean on her third birthday.
i can totally relate to the heebiejeebie feelings, melodie. i experienced that with my oldest too both while i was pregnant and nursing her and after my son was born. i think it does have something to do with it being an older child, yet my son just turned 3 and while i've experienced those feelings a tiny bit with him, it was nothing compared to what i felt with my daughter. i think nursing 2 just takes a lot out of some of us - at least it did me.
Sometimes the tandem positions are quite comical! My 16 month old b/g twins are very "active"! Sometimes one is hanging off the pillow but still latched on while the other is trying to stand and look at 3 yr old big sister so as not to miss anything - something funny sister does or a drop of milk. ;) Way to go to everyone who nurses!
I love reading about the experiences of other Mamas who engage in tandem nursing so thanks for sharing. I have just written up my own personal experience on my blog for anyone who is interested http://onelovelivity.com/childofnatureblog/?p=755