What I will tell my kids about sex
Thursday, September 18, 2008 As you may have gathered from my other posts, my goal for my children is not obedience. My goal is for them to be smart, to learn, and to make logical decisions on their own. I want to teach them, not train them or tell them what to do.
Crossing the street is dangerous. You can get hit by a car. You could be injured or you could die. But we don't tell our children to never ever cross the road. We know that sometimes the grass will be greener and they will want to cross. So rather than have them run blindly into temptation and get hit by a car, I teach my children to look both ways before they cross the street. I teach them to use the crosswalk. I'll teach them to wear bright clothing when out at night and to take a flashlight.
Same logic applies to sex. I won't be saying "just say no". I won't be teaching abstinence only. If my children want to practice abstinence, that will be their choice, not my command. Instead, I'll talk to my kids about sex.
The Globe and Mail column entitled "Give her a real sex talk beyond don't" includes some great advice on the things that parents should tell their daughters about sex. I agree with many of the comment writers that a similar guide is needed for boys, but nonetheless I think this is a great starting point. The article makes the very important point that teens today are flooded with talk and imagery about sex in the media, over the Internet, and from friends and as parents, we should want to ensure that at least some of what they hear about sex comes from us. Even if it makes them cringe to be hearing it from mom and dad!
A great quote from the article:
It is not about whether they should have sex. It's about entering, with eyes wide open, that stage of life where sexual activity becomes a real possibility. It is about allowing teenaged girls to be more thoughtful, hence more in control of their own sex life. Teach them what to expect so that sexual activity is more a cognitive choice they make rather than something that happens to them.
Anyways, read the article because it has lots of great ideas for the things you should broach with your child when talking about sex.
Reader Comments (3)
Great post! I read the article and bookmarked it for later.
We have three boys, so our talks with them will go a little differently and I probably will not be involved with the sex talks with the older two (while I consider them my sons I am still not their biological parent, so unless they seem like they WANT to talk to me about sex I will probably not put them through that!). Both me and my partner are firm believers in educating your children about sex - in todays day and age it simply is not safe to do otherwise. And as some (ahem) rather high profile teen pregnancies in abstinence only families have shown us, that simply doesn't work. You cannot make your teen not have sex. It is much better for them to make an informed decision about sex. In the case of my sons, I want them to know that some girls will actually try to get pregnant, or if they do might try to say you are the father even if i is not true. I want them to be prepared for the consequences, because for young men the consequences might seem (and be) less severe but they are very real.
Great post! I couldn't agree more.
[...] written a fair bit on this blog about the things I want to teach my children about sex, love, tolerance, religion, death, war, history, food, consumerism, feminism, empathy and more. So [...]