Sunday
Aug172008
Being punished for our weaknesses
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I have a bad habit of forgetting about things until it is too late to do anything about them. For example, when I'm close to public restrooms, I'll decide I don't need to use them. Then five minutes later when I am nowhere near a toilet and it would be extremely inconvenient or impossible to go back, my bladder will start nagging at me. Or I'll pass when someone offers me a snack and then be hungry 15 minutes later. I'll forget to pick up cash when I'm at the bank making a deposit and then not have any money to pay for lunch and have to take money out of the ATM that charges extra fees. More often than I can count, I forget places that I need to call to make appointments, ask questions, resolve situations, until they are closed for the day and it is too late to call.
It has become apparent in the last few days that my daughter has picked up this trait from me.
I am committed to child-led weaning. That means that she will decide when she is finished nursing. It means that I do continue to offer her the opportunity to nurse and that I also indulge her need to nurse when she asks to do so. However, child led weaning does not mean that you do not set any limits with your child. And her new found love of testing limits combined with her picking up this personality trait from me has made for an interesting couple of days.
Today I took the kids to the Farmer's market. Because of some special events that were on nearby, we couldn't find parking anywhere near the market. Usually, I just pop my little girl into a sling and we head off to do our shopping. She sometimes stays in the sling and sometimes ends up walking. Today, we had to park about 10 blocks away from the market and walk. So I begrudgingly took the stroller out of the car, knowing that I wouldn't be able to carry her, the diaper bag, and the things that we would buy at the market the whole way back while at the same time keeping tabs on her big brother. I hate the stroller. I really do. But I think it was the lesser of two evils today.
The walk from the car to the market was fairly uneventful. I stopped at a coffee shop near where I parked the car to use the public restrooms, get a coffee for me and a juice for the kids, and get change for the parking meter (thank you Larry O'Brien for making us pay for parking on public streets on Sundays). Once we had fed the meter, we strolled towards the market. Both kids were very well behaved on the walk up.
When we got there, we waited in line to get some lunch. While we were waiting, my daughter was saying "kong kong" (her word for nursing) over and over again. I told her to wait until we got our food and got to our table. Once we got to the table, I offered her the opportunity to nurse and she didn't want to. She wanted some of the cheese and the potatoes instead. Fine. When we were done eating, I gave her the opportunity to nurse again. But no, she just wanted to walk around. But she didn't want to hold my hand and come with me to go to the vendors, so I popped her in the sling and off we went. I let her nurse in the sling, which she did for about 30 seconds until she noticed that there were dogs, people, apples, blueberries, etc. to look at. Then she was done with that.
When we were almost finished our shopping, she started up again, "kong kong, kong kong, kong kong". At this point, I was too overloaded with stuff to let her nurse in the sling and my son was getting anxious to get out of the market and get to the park that we were stopping at on our way back to the car. It was just one block from the market, so I quickly made my last purchase and told her she could nurse when we got to the park. She whined "kong kong, kong kong, kong kong" all the way to the park as I tried to help my son maneuver the stroller through people without running over them.
We got to the park and I sent my son off to play. I sat down on the bench with my daughter and got ready to nurse her. She jumped up and headed to the sand toys. So I let her play. I offered a few more times while we were at the park, indicating that we were going to have to leave soon, so if she wanted "kong kongs" it had to be now. Well, she didnt' want "kong kongs".
The kids were both exhausted (it was now getting close to nap time) and we were still 9 blocks from the car, so I warned them that we had to leave soon and then a few minutes later packed them up and off we went. I put my daughter back in the stroller (she wasn't thrilled about it) and she whined "kong kong, kong kong, kong kong" all the way back to the car. When we got to the car, I nursed her and then put her into her car seat and off we went. She fell asleep within a few minutes and finally the ordeal was over. At least for that moment in time.
But that is just one example. She doesn't want to nurse before I make the dinner, she wants to nurse while I'm making the dinner. She doesn't want to nurse before we eat dinner, she wants to nurse while we are eating dinner. She doesn't want to nurse before I have my shower, she wants to nurse when I'm going to get in the shower. She doesn't want to nurse when my husband and the kids come to visit me at lunch when I'm working, she wants to nurse when it is time for me to go back to work.
If I didn't see my own failings in her, would this be any less annoying?
It has become apparent in the last few days that my daughter has picked up this trait from me.
I am committed to child-led weaning. That means that she will decide when she is finished nursing. It means that I do continue to offer her the opportunity to nurse and that I also indulge her need to nurse when she asks to do so. However, child led weaning does not mean that you do not set any limits with your child. And her new found love of testing limits combined with her picking up this personality trait from me has made for an interesting couple of days.
Today I took the kids to the Farmer's market. Because of some special events that were on nearby, we couldn't find parking anywhere near the market. Usually, I just pop my little girl into a sling and we head off to do our shopping. She sometimes stays in the sling and sometimes ends up walking. Today, we had to park about 10 blocks away from the market and walk. So I begrudgingly took the stroller out of the car, knowing that I wouldn't be able to carry her, the diaper bag, and the things that we would buy at the market the whole way back while at the same time keeping tabs on her big brother. I hate the stroller. I really do. But I think it was the lesser of two evils today.
The walk from the car to the market was fairly uneventful. I stopped at a coffee shop near where I parked the car to use the public restrooms, get a coffee for me and a juice for the kids, and get change for the parking meter (thank you Larry O'Brien for making us pay for parking on public streets on Sundays). Once we had fed the meter, we strolled towards the market. Both kids were very well behaved on the walk up.
When we got there, we waited in line to get some lunch. While we were waiting, my daughter was saying "kong kong" (her word for nursing) over and over again. I told her to wait until we got our food and got to our table. Once we got to the table, I offered her the opportunity to nurse and she didn't want to. She wanted some of the cheese and the potatoes instead. Fine. When we were done eating, I gave her the opportunity to nurse again. But no, she just wanted to walk around. But she didn't want to hold my hand and come with me to go to the vendors, so I popped her in the sling and off we went. I let her nurse in the sling, which she did for about 30 seconds until she noticed that there were dogs, people, apples, blueberries, etc. to look at. Then she was done with that.
When we were almost finished our shopping, she started up again, "kong kong, kong kong, kong kong". At this point, I was too overloaded with stuff to let her nurse in the sling and my son was getting anxious to get out of the market and get to the park that we were stopping at on our way back to the car. It was just one block from the market, so I quickly made my last purchase and told her she could nurse when we got to the park. She whined "kong kong, kong kong, kong kong" all the way to the park as I tried to help my son maneuver the stroller through people without running over them.
We got to the park and I sent my son off to play. I sat down on the bench with my daughter and got ready to nurse her. She jumped up and headed to the sand toys. So I let her play. I offered a few more times while we were at the park, indicating that we were going to have to leave soon, so if she wanted "kong kongs" it had to be now. Well, she didnt' want "kong kongs".
The kids were both exhausted (it was now getting close to nap time) and we were still 9 blocks from the car, so I warned them that we had to leave soon and then a few minutes later packed them up and off we went. I put my daughter back in the stroller (she wasn't thrilled about it) and she whined "kong kong, kong kong, kong kong" all the way back to the car. When we got to the car, I nursed her and then put her into her car seat and off we went. She fell asleep within a few minutes and finally the ordeal was over. At least for that moment in time.
But that is just one example. She doesn't want to nurse before I make the dinner, she wants to nurse while I'm making the dinner. She doesn't want to nurse before we eat dinner, she wants to nurse while we are eating dinner. She doesn't want to nurse before I have my shower, she wants to nurse when I'm going to get in the shower. She doesn't want to nurse when my husband and the kids come to visit me at lunch when I'm working, she wants to nurse when it is time for me to go back to work.
If I didn't see my own failings in her, would this be any less annoying?
Reader Comments (8)
Hi, thanks for popping onto my Blog.
Wow, sounds like you have your hands full, lol :)
Glad you all survived the trip in one piece!
x
Thanks for checking out my blog!
Despite a lot of headaches and stress I stuck with breastfeeding and I truly consider it one of the best decisions I have ever made. My son is eight months and I am waiting until he is a year old to start the weaning process. I have no idea how I am going to go about it so it is good to read about how other parents handle this!
Hi Lu,
Thanks for your comment. We are doing child-led weaning. Here is a great page outlining different options, including child-led: http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/how_weaning_happens.html
Good luck!
Fun and games!! We're following a child-led weaning path with littlepixie who's 21 months old now, she would nurse all day long at home but when we're out and about the world is just too exciting to waste time nursing! And then she'll randomly decide she wants milkies (she calls it boobies - that was really dumb of me, I know!) when we're waiting for the bus or in a queue in the shop, funny monkey!
Thanks for sharing that link it was very helpful. This has been a tough decision for me simply because all the people in my life think you should stop nursing around 1 year (if you do at all). Of course it is not their opinions that matter, but it does make it more difficult when people around you are not supportive.
I agree Lu, it is tough when people are not supportive. I haven't had many problems with people being openly unsupportive, but have come across people that are inquisitive. When they do ask questions, I remind them that the World Health Organization recommends nursing for up to 2 years or as long as the mother and child both want to.
I'd like to follow child-led weaning as well. My son is now 7 months old so we've got some time I think. I'm back to work full time though and am pumping to supply him during the day. I am a little anxious about my supply as I transition from breastfeeding fulltime to both breastfeeding and pumping.
I appreciate your honesty about how exhausting it can be when following the attachment parenting philosophy. I would like to follow that philosophy exclusively but am finding it hard. Unfortunately... or fortunately, limits must be set... sometimes earlier than we'd like.
@learningwith children -
Thanks for stopping by. I agree with setting limits and I try to keep a few things in mind when I do it in order to preserve our attachment:
1) The comprehension level of my child: Does she really understand why I am saying no? If she cannot understand, then I try to err on the side of indulging her wishes unless it is putting her in danger in some way.
2) Gradually introducing new concepts: I try to never suddenly introduce new rules. Instead, I slowly implement new ways of doing things. I think this gives kids time to get used to new rules and to adjust.
3) Respecting needs and wishes: My children are people. I try to remember that first and foremost. And I try to treat their needs and wishes with the same respect, if not greater respect, than I would that of other people.