Monday
Mar302009
A slap in the boobs by Dr. Sears?
Monday, March 30, 2009
I usually love just about everything about Dr. Sears. There was one comment in the Baby Book that I remember not liking (something about not having the baby sleep between the mom and dad in bed because the dad needs his sleep). But otherwise, I've been consistently impressed.
Today I was on the site and was shocked to see Dr. Sears promoting nursing covers. I mean, I thought he bought into the idea that breastfeeding is normal and that women shouldn't feel ashamed of it. And then I saw this....
I'm not a fan of nursing covers to begin with, as I explained in my post on why I don't using nursing covers or child harnesses, but this has got to be the most over the top nursing cover I have ever seen. This one covers so much that you could repurpose this as a moo moo or a burka when you're done breastfeeding.
I have no problem with people trying to be discreet and hide their breasts when breastfeeding, but this suggests that it is not just the breast that should be hidden, but the entire act of breastfeeding. Maybe we should just hide the fact that we have kids too?
In the words of Alaina Frederick who I was tweeting with about this, it is truly a slap in the boobs, Dr. Sears.
Today I was on the site and was shocked to see Dr. Sears promoting nursing covers. I mean, I thought he bought into the idea that breastfeeding is normal and that women shouldn't feel ashamed of it. And then I saw this....
I'm not a fan of nursing covers to begin with, as I explained in my post on why I don't using nursing covers or child harnesses, but this has got to be the most over the top nursing cover I have ever seen. This one covers so much that you could repurpose this as a moo moo or a burka when you're done breastfeeding.
I have no problem with people trying to be discreet and hide their breasts when breastfeeding, but this suggests that it is not just the breast that should be hidden, but the entire act of breastfeeding. Maybe we should just hide the fact that we have kids too?
In the words of Alaina Frederick who I was tweeting with about this, it is truly a slap in the boobs, Dr. Sears.
Reader Comments (63)
I'm not a fan of nursing covers either. My thoughts are if you have a problem looking at me breastfeed you are more than welcome to put a blanket over YOUR head. I do agree that the covers shown are a bit over the top,. Maybe for a mom who really has a hard time with NIP and the baby is constantly trying to kick off the little receiving blankets this would make her more comfortable nursing outside the home.
I use a nursing cover but I only use it to cover her head area. i let her little legs hang out all over the place.
Plus I haven't mastered the art of whipping my boob out without revealing it to the whole world. ;-)
That's taking covering up a little too far. A good reason to breastfeed is that you don't have to carry bottles, formula etc... you would need an extra bag to carry that cover with you!
If someone feels like they would like to purchase this product, then what have you got against them? I can understand if you were upset that someone wanted you to use one, but you being upset with another woman wanting to use one screams of your narcissism. Let women do what they feel comfortable with, not what you boobies demand.
Ah, Dr. Sears. For me he sold out when he started banging on about his wonderful omega 3 supplements, and his special infant formula.
Ditto Ruth. As soon as they start to promote formula you know they are going to the other side :-) and couldn't agree with you more - they DO look like burkas!
Oh wow, I would be very embarrassed if I had to wear this nursing cover! Way to bring attention to yourself, you know? I am on the shy side, but when I had to breastfeed my children in public, I tried to be discreet - maybe put a little blankie over my baby's face in a safe way, more for his privacy, you know? But serioiusly, way to bring attention to yourself if you're wearing this huge tent of a nursing cover! Horrible!
Wow, I have to admit I am surprised by this! I am all for nursing covers IF they make the nursing mom more comfortable and willing to breastfeed her baby wherever and whenever she wants/needs to. This on is definitely over the top however!
After 3 babies I am decently able to NIP, but still use the nursing cover sometimes, especially depending on what I am wearing. I have never been able to just use a blanket and my little ones always have grabby hands that want to undress me. ;) They also come in handy when it is sunny out.
Ler's see. He took everything Jean Liedoff wrote in 'The continuum concept' and published in a commercial way, as 'attachment parenting'. He bought the patterns for ring slings from Reyner Garner and started the business with slings, 'forgetting' to say he is not the inventor. Of course, he is selling nursing covers, a special formula and basiclly anything that can make money. Bleah!
Some of us are modest and fat, not ashamed of breastfeeding. I would have gladly bought a nice, big nursing cover like this when I had my first baby, but none existed. They were all too small.
This reminds me of this post: http://www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com/2009/03/poll-results-moms-who-dont-cover-do-breastfeed-longer/ and this post that the first was based on: (check out the link to the photos!) http://www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com/2009/03/monday-musings-do-public-breastfeeding-moms-nurse-longer/
I think that the act of breastfeeding is more important than how a woman chooses to do it but I do think it reflects poorly on what the general public sees as social norms when someone like Dr. Sears starts promoting nursing covers.
If a woman feels that her alternative to a cover while NIP is pumping and bottle-feeding, then I say wear the cover! Yes, it's covering the breast of the woman and sometimes more, but no one makes any mistake as to what the mom is doing. I will continually disagree with campaigns against *HOW* a woman breastfeeds. These covers have made it possible for women to NIP comfortably and I would not fault anyone for wearing one.
At least he's not calling them "Hooter Hiders". I swear to God: http://shop.bebeaulait.com/shop/hhnc
As for for Dr. Sears, I fear that money-making may be getting in the way of his good advice. It's a shame.
I think there are some parenting/breastfeeding products out there that are far worse. I used a receiving blanket in the very beginning sometimes. It took me a few months to strengthen my confidence AND to be able to master nursing without being topless, LOL (in the beginning I just found that my shirt kept getting in the way!). Nonetheless, to see Dr. Sears promoting this is disheartening. AND the prices one is expected to pay for not much more than a piece of fabric are outrageous!!
It's one of the reasons he is wealthy and I am not . . . he is willing to sell out and I am not. I am not will to say or do something that I don't truly believe. If I lose clients as a result of not "towing their line" then so be it.
I am sad to see this floral tent being sold as a convenience item for nursing moms. Shame, shame Dr. Sears!
I agree with Kate. While they're not for me and I don't use them, I would support their use for a woman who would not breastfeed in public otherwise. I know a lot of people who are just not comfortable nursing in public (obviously due to an image perpetrated by a society not yet embracing breastfeeding as it should - I don't need to tell you that) and it doesn't bother me one bit to see them using a cover.
Dr. Sears has been selling "stuff" more and more frequently - although I didn't know he was selling formula - and I guess if he's already sold himself short, then he might as well be selling something that supports women nursing in public. We can educate and lead by example, but for now I'm not ready to take away the nursing covers from women who would like to use them.
Hey- if mom feels she has to wear a cover to make herself more comfortable while nursing- go right ahead! We want babies drinking breastmilk- if that's what she needs to do, then do it.
I used a cover the first few months, getting used to nursing and until I felt confident enough in public.
I don't use a cover anymore. But, there were times when I really liked it-- when my little one popped off and milk went shooting three feet, I was missing my cover then! :) And, sometimes when we were in a busy place, my little one would nurse and snooze-- the cover was nice to let him sleep and keep out the bright lights.
I too love Dr. Sears and I don't think he thinks women SHOULD cover, but if they want to-- he's got an answer. Go Dr. Sears!
I've lived in apartments smaller than this cover. ;)
I've got no problem with covers for mothers who feel more comfortable but this could be marketed with more sensitivity.
I completely agree I also saw this and thought that this is just awful.
I understand that some women want to be more discreet and want to BF covers, but come on,what is this???
How can you be discreet using this? One would be visible miles away!
So if this draws SO MUCH attention to NIP, then why is it bad? Isn't it then a good thing? I'm hearing a little bit of double-talk here. NIP is bad if it's covered, but good if it's not? What is it exactly you're against? Dr. Sears making money? Sure, I believe that he's created a monetary empire from his books and products, but do you think he's trying to send a message that breastfeeding should be hidden? I'm doubtful of that. Very doubtful. Transparent about money-making, sure. But somehow shaming breastfeeding? That stretching it a bit.
I just don't think trying to shame women more about *how* they breastfeed is the answer. Or even constructive for that matter. Because I know a lot of women who'd never NIP if it weren't for covers.
To clarify for those that are asking:
1) If a mom wants to use a cover, I'm fine with that. I'm also fine with her deciding to pump and take a bottle. I'm fine with her deciding to feed formula. That is her choice.
2) My problem is with Dr. Sears. My problem is not with him making money. I think he makes plenty of money with his medical practice, his books, other products that he sells. My problem is that he purports to be a breastfeeding advocate and then sells a product that suggests that women should hide to breastfeed.
3) I don't think it is a good thing if people breastfeeding under covers draws attention to nursing in public. Because then people start to see that as the normal or only acceptable way to feed babies in public. People see babies getting bottles in public all the time and they use that as an argument to be anti-NIP. They say other moms just pump and take a bottle, or just give formula when they are out, why can't you do that too? I explained more about that in my other post that I linked to (and it links to two other great posts too, including one by the owner of Milkface, who refuses to sell breastfeeding covers at her store).
I feel the same way about nursing covers that I do about nursing rooms. Some babies are very easily distracted. In the early days it can be hard to get the baby latched on, and feeling as if you're on display doesn't help. And some people just like privacy. In those cases a nursing cover and/or a nursing room can help.
But I don't like the idea that breastfeeding needs to be hidden. I think that we really need to normalize breastfeeding, in pretty much all situations. And I think that hiding it, or requiring it to be hidden, can imply that it's a shameful act. So I wouldn't use one. If it works for you, fine, but I won't do it.
And I'm disappointed in Dr. Sears. How can you claim to advocate for breastfeeding, while selling a product that makes it appear obscene or embarrassing?
I think this is such an interesting issue, and a great debate. I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding and NIP, and have myself had a bad experience being asked to cover up in public (click my link above for details about that). But I don't think that an endorsement for nursing covers is the same as condemning nursing in public. We sell nursing covers in our stores, and for most women who buy them, they use them because they feel more comfortable and less exposed. They aren't trying to protect those around them - they are trying to protect themselves. Nursing moms have the right to use them, and shouldn't be judged for it - just like we don't want to be judged if we choose not to use them.
Nursing covers like the ones made by Bebe Au Lait are well-designed and nice to use. Many have a rigid collar that allows the mom to see her baby while he's feeding, and a little corner of towel to clean up messes. They help babies stay focused in distracting environments, keep curious toddlers away, and fold up small enough to be an insignificant addition to the diaper bag.
Try to see the benefits of this product from the perspective of a first-time mom who is just getting the hang of nursing. You want those women to nurse in public - whatever it takes for them to feel good about that. With time, they'll probably relax, get more comfortable and retire the cover, but in the meanwhile, isn't it better for them to nurse under the cover than to bring a bottle because they're too embarrassed to expose themselves in public? I know women who have done this, and it breaks my heart.
My opinion about Dr. Sears also went down a few notches after the constant spam about Omega-3 supplements, but I don't think he's done anything wrong in this situation.
PhD: I think the point some people are making is that he IS still advocating breastfeeding. Some people aren't going to do it in public unless they can cover up. This helps those people make the choice to breastfeed.
I think it is possible to find something negative in everything. I think that you are looking at this cover as intended to make a woman feel shameful about breastfeeding. You could also chose to look at this cover as something great for a woman who otherwise would never feel comfortable nursing in public. Yes, those women do exist. There are women that won't even nurse in front of their husbands, will only nurse in the privacy of their own bedroom. Maybe those women feel like you are shaming them because they can't NIP like you can. They are just too shy, reserved or whatever.
It's all on how you look at it...
To the above poster that said shame on Dr. Sears...I say kudos to Dr. Sears for making/selling a cover that is bigger than a little square piece of fabric so that some mom can feel comfortable enough to take her 3 yr old to the park and nurse her baby without being worried the baby will kick off the cover leaving her to be embarrassed. I say kudos to Dr. Sears for making/selling a cover big enough so some mom can feel comfortable enough to let her husband take her out for dinner so she can get a much needed break.
Not everything is a statement about breastfeeding. Some things are just for the convenience of a mom that needs that privacy. If I saw a mom using one of these I would know exactly what she is doing. I would smile at her and maybe go up to her and say good for you for bringing your nursing baby to the park, good for you for bringing your nursing baby to dinner with your husband. Good for you for nursing and doing what you have to do to get out of the house!
I like the "Slurp & Burp" cover-ups from slurpburp.com - they only cover the breast/belly and not the baby. :)
I don't really use any cover up, though. I'm a pop-and-go type. My shirt covers all that needs to be covered.
I agree with other posters - I don't think it should matter if someone is covered or not, wants to be fully covered, a little covered etc. but if they are nursing, somewhere somehow, then that's great. Especially for first-time mothers, new to nursing, having this cover might be just the thing to make them comfy in public. It's not my thing, it's a little big, but with a baby who liked to be nursed football style, having a little cover was nice for me personally!
I was a nursing cover user with my first kid. It was new to me and I was really sloppy at getting my boob IN my kid's mouth, so they made me feel more comfortable.
You'd be surprised at how many women hate/loathe/fear NIP. And how many of their husbands hate/loathe/fear it too (that's a whole other topic, don't get me started). So, I'm going to guess that Dr. Sears promoting them might actually encourage more women to do it. I don't think it's saying "cover up while you nurse" (at least I have never gotten that message from a bf cover). To me it says "If this makes you feel more comfortable and could actually get you to breastfeed, then do it." Sometimes something like that is all a woman needs to make the decision to try it.
Honestly, I think this is looking too hard at the issue. Some women like to cover, some women do not. Dr. Sears also sells baby slings, should we infer that a woman is somehow lesser if she does not buy one? Or if she does? The products are there to be helpful, and I do believe that Dr. Sears has NOT sold out. You forget that he lives in San Clemente CA, an upscale, conservative area. I would imagine many women would buy and be very happy with this cover. And really, I am just happy that they choose to breastfeed at all. At whatever their comfort level may be. They are not me. The cover is not about me. To each her own. If you don't want to buy it, then don't buy it. But I think to accuse Dr. Sears of selling out is a disservice to the man.
*disclaimer, I didn't use a nursing cover, nor would I. And I did use a sling, though not Dr. Sears sling.
As far as I'm concerned WHO CARES! If this cover allows more woman to feel more comfortable to breastfeed in public than who's business is it where or why she got it and why is it a bad thing that it was available for her to buy...it's allowing her to FEEL more comfortable breastfeeding. For the record Yes Dr. Sears is selling out a bit but what's new, who isn't.
Frankly I think the formula selling is a much bigger deal... Although for example, I am a sexuality educator and believe in comprehensive sexuality education (correct and accurate info about birth control AND abstinence), but because some groups are dead set on only having abstinence education, I would prefer to be the one to do as I know I will do a better job. So maybe that is what he is thinking, if some babies are gonna get formula then maybe it's better if he has some say in it to "TRY" to make it better.. That's the best I can come up with as to why he would endorse any kind of formula. Maybe it's the same with the nursing cover. I imagine they focused grouped mothers about the design and this is what they wanted. If the choice is not NIP at all or only giving a bottle of pumped breastmilk, or giving formula then I guess this is a compromise. If someone has a problem with a nursing cover it's a problem with covers in general- this one is just a bit bigger.. not quite sure why- although one poster that spoke about breastfeeding football style might be a reason to have a larger cover.. I have never used one so I am not sure. Maybe for nursing twins at the same time??
@T@SendChocolate - I'm chuckling right now, but I'm only chuckling because I'm sure you didn't mean for me to interpret what you said the way that I did interpret it! When you mentioned people being likely to use nursing covers in an upscale, conservative area, I was thinking that must make me and you, a pair of low class socialists for daring to breastfeed without a cover!
May I clarify that while I think that Dr. Sears is selling out, it isn't because he endorses this type of cover -- although I think it is an awful tent -- it is because he is part of giving his book away free with the purchase of this BF cover. That reads, to me, as if he is suggesting that womyn *should* cover themselves and their babies. It isn't about what a mom may or may not be comfortable with (everyone is an individual and while I personally think covers are more work than they are worth and if a mom is trying to be discreet then this isn't the way to go about it) it is his message that moms SHOULD cover up when nursing in public. He has always been associated with AP and all things BF. If he wants moms to wear a cover then that suggests, to me, that he sees something in NIP for moms to feel ashamed of. This isn't the message that I want new moms and newly breastfeeding moms to get.
These are just MY thoughts. I understand that everyone interprets this ad very differently. I simply didn't want to give the impression that I think moms shouldn't use a cover. I think moms should do what feels right for them. I would rather see moms breastfeed WITH a cover than not use one and not breastfeed.
JMO
@ babyREADY - if he Dr. Sears were giving away the nursing cover for free with a purchase of the book, that would suggest that a woman who nurses in public should cover. Since he's giving the book away for free with a purchase of a cover, he's only insinuating a woman who buys the cover would like a book about BF.
@
@PhD - I think @T@sendchocolate was referring to an earlier comment about the price of the cover.
I am Muslim and choose to dress very modestly. I wear a headscarf and I use it just barely draped over my daughter's mouth and my nipple. People can still see her face and she doesn't even know or care that I'm covered. People know what I'm doing and often get uncomfortable. Although I feel the need to cover my breasts (the same amount as I would in any situation), I believe what makes people uncomfortable is the fact that my baby is sucking from them. Seems to offend more women than men, but I also get a lot of positive feedback too.
Annie, I get where you're coming from on this. To the people who are saying that there's nothing wrong with a mother using a nursing cover; I agree with that, but I don't think Annie's problem was with that. I think it was with a) the fact that he's actually having a *promotion* on nursing covers, which sends a whole different message from just mentioning that they're a reasonable acceptable alternative for some women, and b) the fact that he has his *name* on this one, which subtly gives out the message that he sees it as being in some way a desirable product. I don't think you have to object to nursing covers in general to feel that Sears is going too far towards pushing this alternative and that that may send women a worrying message - not that they *can* use nursing covers, but that they *should*.
BTW, can anyone explain to me just how the baby is supposed to breathe under there? Are there air holes? Regardless of your views on NIP, aren't there ethical problems for a paediatrician in promoting a product that suffocates babies? ;-)
It is just me, or does anyone else imagine it in crunchy thick 1970s waterproof plastic, with other uses, such as picnicing, changing into your swimming costume on the beach, and cycling in the rain?
I think you might as well be wearing a flashing sign that says "look at me" complete with sirens when you wear one of those to nurse. Is that what a woman who is feeling shy about NIP needs? I really don't think so!
Sure, do what ever you want, but if the dress you are wearing is not giving you the desired effect you are looking for I will tell you.
As for Dr. Sears and family -he is making money, I just expect that of anyone, I don't condone it.
This book I really enjoyed and has a section on nursing cover-ups and other stuff like that-
http://www.breastfeedingcafe.com/AbouttheBook-Press.htm written from a sociologists point of view.
@ Sarah V - Thank you. You explained it very well.
@ nita - Thank you for your perspective. I agree that there are ways to nurse modestly and discreetly without using a huge cover like this. I agree with others that said that a cover like this is likely to bring a lot more attention to you than if you weren't using one and simply use part of your outfit (scarf, sling, etc.) to cover.
@babyREADY - Perhaps as an alternate solution, Dr. Sears could say "Send me a picture of you nursing in public without a cover or buy a nursing cover and I'll give you a copy of my book for free". At least that way, he isn't promoting one option over the other (I still wouldn't like the tent, but I think this would be a little less offensive).
mostly i am just here to giggle about the "boob slapping" because that is about how coherent i am right now. but i also like the idea of repurposing these covers for other fun uses. maybe we would be more comfortable with them if he sold them under the guise of the multifunctionality - use it as a nursing cover, or an apron, or a picnic blanket, or a rebozo?
in all honestly i think that dr. sears can be great source or information for parents who are just beginning to learn about things like breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing, and other things associated with attachment parenting. if you are deeply surrounded by more mainstream parenting techniques i think the sears information is not so far afield as to scare you away. you might give these things a try. but, if you are already doing these things and sold on the benefits and naturalness of it all he seems a bit lame.
I still want someone to come up with a bright neon orange nursing cover that says in large black letters: CAUTION, MOTHER NURSING DISCRETELY. PLEASE AVERT YOUR EYES.
Just because it would be absolutely hilarious to see people's reactions to a nursing cover like that. :)
@Sara - Now that is a nursing cover I would use!
First, I am very pro-breastfeeding and was not particularly modest about it when my daughter was nursing (much to the chagrin of some family members, but it didn't bother me or my baby at all).
However, I do know some people who were, and had one friend in particular who was quite heavy, didn't have a lot of money to buy special nursing clothes, and extremely uncomfortable lifting her shirt in public. She found blankets and slings awkward because of her size.
She bought a Hooter Hider (the one referenced by FamilyNature - hey there sister!), and she thought it was the greatest thing EVER. She nursed her son until he was two.
I really think that whatever makes people feel comfortable nursing and promotes bonding with their baby is fine. Many people are going to feel uncomfortable nursing in public for religous (Muslim, Mormon) or other reasons that have nothing to do with shame about the act of feeding a child.
Wear the cover if it works for you and your baby. Enjoy breastfeeding on your own terms.
This reminds me a lot about the new argument against women who pump. Sure, would I love to NIP without a cover? Of course! But I have emotional baggage that prohibits me from doing so. Would I also love to nurse my baby and never pump? HELL YES! But I can't, because I work. So, if Sears gave away a book with the purchase of a pump, would he then be advocating pumping instead of breastfeeding? I think not - that's just not the intention. He would be selling a product that's useful to nursing women. Women don't generally use or buy pumps because they find it to be an easy alternative breastfeeding, rather most use them to enable working, going out, relieving pressure, etc. Same goes for these covers... they make it easier and more comfortable for *some* women to NIP. They have a use, and that use it not for everyone, but Sears selling a useful product (albeit for his own monetary gain too) that enables women to breastfeed comfortably. I would doubt there was much thought about it beyond that.
I see your point...however, Dr. Sears is not going back on his stance for supporting breastfeeding and women being able to do it out in the open. Not ALL children are comfortable with eating in public and this is no different from breastfeeding as well. In addition, it is not about what the public and how the public feels, but have you stopped to think that maybe the mother is not comfortable with breastfeeding out in public for some reason or another. I am sure Dr. Sears wants ALL mothers to feel comfortable breastfeeding whether they choose to do in the open or with some privacy. Why are making such a mountain of a mole hill? This is a cover and each woman is different from the next... some don't mind breastfeeding in public while others do. This is about each woman's ability to be comfortable while breastfeeding - not making the public comfortable. I suggest, before going off on a tangent, that maybe you contact the person directly that you think is going back on his/her stance and get their reasoning!
@Jen - I guess I just assumed (rightly or wrongly) that an e-mail from little old me wouldn't get Dr. Sears' attention, plus I thought it would make an interesting discussion piece for my blog (and that it certainly has). I've really enjoyed the diversity of perspectives presented in the comments and truly enjoy hearing all of the different viewpoints on this issue.
I have a friend who is studying to be a pediatrician. When my daughter was born, she visited me and gave me all kind of unsolicited advice regarding nursing, when I should stop, how it is sexual, the breasts are an erogenous zone, how I may experience orgasms or other sexual feelings toward my daughter, based on case studies she's read. But she said breast is best. (LOL I think its a disclaimer slogan they have to say) It was really stupid. I was informed and secure enough to not let it make me feel uncomfortable; especially while she turned her head as I whipped a boob out and let my 3 week infant chow down. But there are really doctors out there making women feel insecure about BF. Dr. Sears is not the enemy. Also people's comments sometimes modify people's behaviors. I think its important to not make fun of the nursing covers so that women can feel proud to NIP however they choose without feeling embarrassed whether covering, wearing a loud nursing cover, a burka, a moo moo or out in the open. And to the comm
…And to the comment about breathing holes, people used to always say that when my daughter slept in the ring sling and I used to hate that comment. I'm sure they can breathe just fine on the other side of a piece of cloth.
"I still want someone to come up with a bright neon orange nursing cover that says in large black letters: CAUTION, MOTHER NURSING DISCRETELY. PLEASE AVERT YOUR EYES."
Well, this huge nursing cover doesn't have those letters on it, but it is obvious that a woman wearing one of this things is nursing her child "discretely" :D