Sunday
Nov142010
"Baby training" begins at birth
Sunday, November 14, 2010 
At what age is it okay to start sleep training? When should you potty train your toddler? At what age should children learn to read? When do you lay down the law when it comes to table manners? These are questions that parents ask and that many, many parenting books offer answers for. My answer, and the reason I don't stress out about these things too much, is that parents should start teaching their children these things at birth and their children will respond when they are ready. Going from diapers to underwear, from being rocked to sleep to going to bed on your own, from throwing the food off the high chair tray to using a fork and knife correctly, none of those are things that happen suddenly or abruptly.
- Potty learning begins at birth, by doing elimination communication or by changing your baby's diaper immediately when it is wet or dirty, by talking about bodily functions, and by letting them see you use the toilet.
- Sleep training begins at birth by creating an environment that is conducive to sleep and being consistent in your bedtime routine.
- Language training begins at birth by speaking to your child even when they cannot understand you and if possible having one parent or other family member speak to the child in a second language.
- Manners training begins at birth by saying please, thank you, you're welcome, excuse me, gesundheit and other niceties to and in front of your baby.
- Literacy training begins at birth by reading to your baby and reading in front of your baby.
- Empathy training begins at birth by demonstrating compassion to your baby and to others.
Some children will pick up some of these things more quickly than others and that is just the way that life goes. Just as some people excel in math and others in sports, some babies will sleep early and speak late, or sleep late and speak early. Some may be ahead of the curve on everything, making the parents feel competent, only to have them thrown off by a second baby who is completely different.
Start at birth. Be patient. Trust the process. Listen to your child, not to the books and not the calendar.
Image credit: Katie Tegtmeyer on flickr
Reader Comments (59)
I never comment on blogs, but I had to this time. Bravo! Well written. Please try to share your wisdom with more parents. You have a gift, and I do not say this lightly. You communicate with simplicity and clarity, and thus it is easy for your audience to learn a great deal from your ideas.
Please keep going.
Jilly
This all makes sense if you birth your child or you adopt your child at a very young age.
My son was adopted at 3 1/2 yrs and is almost 8 years old now and still has nightly wakings. He always slept with someone else (his first mom, and then another child in the orphanage), and has alot of problems getting himself back to sleep if he wakes up during the night. Even if I take him back to his bed and stay with him until he falls asleep, he sometimes will wake up again during the night.
What do you do for such a child...? After 4 years of trying everything under the sun short of giving him medication, I have decided that he will eventually grow out of it.
Start at birth. Be patient. Trust the process. Listen to your child, not to the books and not the calendar.
That is the greatest single piece of advice that all new mothers should hear. I had no experience when I had my first child and I turned to magazines instead of my instinct. Babies tell you so much, you just have to listen.
Love your book! EC has been so great for my daughter and I; I can't imagine parenting a small child without it, honestly.
[...] Baby Training Begins at Birth – PhD in Parenting [...]
In case there was any questions left, you've definitely earned your phd in parenting. This post is brilliant. Thanks :)
[...] PhD in Parenting, Annie reminds us that “baby training” begins at birth. So true — but how I wish at times that it weren’t actually so. Can’t the Critter [...]
Just have to say thank you for this comment. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who's bonked my poor kid on the door frame more than a time or two!
My 3 year old will respond to the littlest things with an over-enthusiastic, "Oh! Fank you, Mama!" which I've realized is exactly how we say it when she, say, gives us a piece of toy food to eat.