Saturday
Jul122008
Bias against boys?
Saturday, July 12, 2008
I am privileged to have grown up after many of the advances of feminism were ingrained in our society. I have been given every opportunity in life that my brothers had. Situations where I have felt a slight due to my gender and few and far between and can be chalked up to the ignorance of isolated individuals. I feel confident that the world is my daughter's oyster and she will be able to achieve anything she wants to achieve.
While I celebrate the advances of feminism, I worry about a backlash against our boys. I keep coming across more and more situations where our boys are being discriminated against in society, which in turn limits their potential to succeed and be happy. I have seen many examples of this recently, but a letter to the editor in today's newspaper by Brian Cooke and Leigh-Anne King sparked me to research and write this post.
Where might this prejudice be coming from? Is it warranted? If so, how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?
Our boys as hyperactive
An increasing number of children, especially boys, are being diagnosed with ADHD and many of them put on drugs to get them to sit still and pay attention in class. But is it really our boys' fault that they can't sit still?
First, a classroom environment is not necessarily the best place for boys to learn. They enjoy being active and moving around. Perhaps teachers should be taking the class outdoors more often or including more gym time into the curriculum (which is needed to fight obesity too).
Second, there is increasing evidence that while ADHD is genetic to a great extent, our diet and lifestyle is certainly partially to blame. A recent Reader's Digest article highlights the importance of Omega-3 nutrients in fighting ADHD. A WebMD research article speaks to the importance of prenatal health for the mother and nurturing in early years as a preventative measure for avoiding ADHD. Other studies point to the importance of changes in diet to combat ADHD.
Third, classrooms are larger than ever. And teachers are having trouble coping. While having one or two hyperactive children in a class of 15 kids would not be that difficult, having 5 of them in a class of 30 kids can be debilitating and keep the teacher from being able to work. Being active is a normal part of being a kid, but we are setting ourselves up for disaster when we expect children to be docile. Our schools need to be set up to harness our children's energy and not to send any child with ants in his pants off to the doctor for a prescription.
Our boys as sexual predators
Sexual abuse used to be taboo. That didn't mean that it didn't happen. It just means that we didn't talk about it. Now we do talk about it, but in talking about it and in trying to prevent our children from getting hurt, we are perhaps unfairly accusing our boys and men of crimes that they are not guilty of.
It is true that most sexual abuse is at the hands of men (75%). But, 86% of the time children that reported being sexually abused by women were not believed, so the extent of abuse by women (as compared to men) might be underestimated. What most people do not realize is that boys are more likely to be sexually abused by a woman than by a man (while girls are more likely to be abused by a man). Also, many male sexual predators are that way as a result of abuse that they suffered at the hands of women abusers. The Canadian Children's Right Council pulled together these and other interesting findings on women as sexual predators.
So when people say that they are not going to risk having a teenage boy as a babysitter or when they worry about an older boy playing with their child when they wouldn't worry about an older girl, they are unfairly accusing a whole gender of something it didn't do.
Another factor we need to consider here is the role that society plays in giving our boys a sometimes unhealthy view of sexuality. The way that sex is portrayed on television and in movies often glamorizes rape and prostitution. It shows men getting their own way and being rewarded for it. It isn't our boys that are inherently sexual predators, it is the media that they are exposed to. As parents, we need to be vigilant about limiting their exposure to this type of media, but also counteracting it with positive images of sexuality so that when they do come across this smut (and they will), that they already know that it isn't right.
Our boys as violent
People perceive boys as being violent. They like to push and shove each other. They like to play with guns. They play war games. They blow things up.
People have a need to feel confident. Confidence is power and boys are told that they should be confident and powerful, but they are not taught appropriate ways to express confidence and gain power, will use physical force to gain power. Also, boys need to be able to engage in physical activity and play and if they are not taught the right way to do this, then they will seek it out through fights.
Our boys as uncaring
Unfortunately, boys are also seen as uncaring. They do not display empathy in the same way that girls do. They avoid expressing emotions and put down other boys when they show their emotions. This is very much a societal issue. To quote Lawrence Cohen in Playful Parenting:
It is disheartening that our society continues to tell men that they cannot be caring individuals and that they need to have a thick skin. If we want our boys to live up to their full potential, we need to create a strong attachment right from birth and not let them slip away from us. I think that the suggestions of Gordon Neufeld in Hold on To Your Kids will be useful to parents in creating more connected boys.
Are boys are girls really that different?
There are two camps when it comes to gender differences. There are those that insist that the differences between boys and girls are biologically hard-wired. And there are those that insist that the differences are learned. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, summarizes existing research on the subject by saying that while inborn differences do exist, they are quite small but they are then nurtured and exacerbated by the way we treat girls or boys. The small difference that does exist is that boys are slightly more likely to seek out power and girls slightly more likely to seek out connection. And then society takes over and reinforces these differences rather than minimizing them. Generally, despite being a girl, I think I have tended more to seek out power than connection. But becoming a mother changed that and I have become very nurturing with my kids. I believe that each human being has the capacity to be powerful and connected and I challenge parents to help their children, both boys and girls, become confident and caring individuals.
How can we help our boys?
Hyperactive, violent, uncaring sexual predators. That is a horrible rap for boys to have. There must be a way that we, as parents, as teachers, as role models, can help our boys to be boys without living up to that prejudice.
I think we need to:
I don't want my boy to be held back from anything he wants to do based on society's bias towards boys. So I'll try to do my part in raising my boy to be the type of person that I hope all boys and men can become.
While I celebrate the advances of feminism, I worry about a backlash against our boys. I keep coming across more and more situations where our boys are being discriminated against in society, which in turn limits their potential to succeed and be happy. I have seen many examples of this recently, but a letter to the editor in today's newspaper by Brian Cooke and Leigh-Anne King sparked me to research and write this post.
No day care will take our boy
In the last month, we have been rejected by every day-care provider we've contacted once they discovered that we were parents of a boy. They made this decision without meeting us or meeting him. Either by phone or e-mail, each provider welcomed us to an available spot, only to change their mind once we filled them in on his sex.
When I discuss this with other parents and co-workers, they tell us that they have experienced the same prejudice. I call it prejudice because that is what it must be called.
Where might this prejudice be coming from? Is it warranted? If so, how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?
Our boys as hyperactive
An increasing number of children, especially boys, are being diagnosed with ADHD and many of them put on drugs to get them to sit still and pay attention in class. But is it really our boys' fault that they can't sit still?
First, a classroom environment is not necessarily the best place for boys to learn. They enjoy being active and moving around. Perhaps teachers should be taking the class outdoors more often or including more gym time into the curriculum (which is needed to fight obesity too).
Second, there is increasing evidence that while ADHD is genetic to a great extent, our diet and lifestyle is certainly partially to blame. A recent Reader's Digest article highlights the importance of Omega-3 nutrients in fighting ADHD. A WebMD research article speaks to the importance of prenatal health for the mother and nurturing in early years as a preventative measure for avoiding ADHD. Other studies point to the importance of changes in diet to combat ADHD.
Third, classrooms are larger than ever. And teachers are having trouble coping. While having one or two hyperactive children in a class of 15 kids would not be that difficult, having 5 of them in a class of 30 kids can be debilitating and keep the teacher from being able to work. Being active is a normal part of being a kid, but we are setting ourselves up for disaster when we expect children to be docile. Our schools need to be set up to harness our children's energy and not to send any child with ants in his pants off to the doctor for a prescription.
Our boys as sexual predators
Sexual abuse used to be taboo. That didn't mean that it didn't happen. It just means that we didn't talk about it. Now we do talk about it, but in talking about it and in trying to prevent our children from getting hurt, we are perhaps unfairly accusing our boys and men of crimes that they are not guilty of.
It is true that most sexual abuse is at the hands of men (75%). But, 86% of the time children that reported being sexually abused by women were not believed, so the extent of abuse by women (as compared to men) might be underestimated. What most people do not realize is that boys are more likely to be sexually abused by a woman than by a man (while girls are more likely to be abused by a man). Also, many male sexual predators are that way as a result of abuse that they suffered at the hands of women abusers. The Canadian Children's Right Council pulled together these and other interesting findings on women as sexual predators.
So when people say that they are not going to risk having a teenage boy as a babysitter or when they worry about an older boy playing with their child when they wouldn't worry about an older girl, they are unfairly accusing a whole gender of something it didn't do.
Another factor we need to consider here is the role that society plays in giving our boys a sometimes unhealthy view of sexuality. The way that sex is portrayed on television and in movies often glamorizes rape and prostitution. It shows men getting their own way and being rewarded for it. It isn't our boys that are inherently sexual predators, it is the media that they are exposed to. As parents, we need to be vigilant about limiting their exposure to this type of media, but also counteracting it with positive images of sexuality so that when they do come across this smut (and they will), that they already know that it isn't right.
Our boys as violent
People perceive boys as being violent. They like to push and shove each other. They like to play with guns. They play war games. They blow things up.
People have a need to feel confident. Confidence is power and boys are told that they should be confident and powerful, but they are not taught appropriate ways to express confidence and gain power, will use physical force to gain power. Also, boys need to be able to engage in physical activity and play and if they are not taught the right way to do this, then they will seek it out through fights.
Our boys as uncaring
Unfortunately, boys are also seen as uncaring. They do not display empathy in the same way that girls do. They avoid expressing emotions and put down other boys when they show their emotions. This is very much a societal issue. To quote Lawrence Cohen in Playful Parenting:
Look at the insults a boy hears if he is connected instead of disconnected. If he has a close relationship with his mother, he's a mama's boy. If he likes to play with girls, he's a sissy. If he wants to hug or hold hands with a boy, he's a fag. If he wants an equal, respectful relationship with his girlfriend, he's henpecked. If he likes school, he's a nerd.
It is disheartening that our society continues to tell men that they cannot be caring individuals and that they need to have a thick skin. If we want our boys to live up to their full potential, we need to create a strong attachment right from birth and not let them slip away from us. I think that the suggestions of Gordon Neufeld in Hold on To Your Kids will be useful to parents in creating more connected boys.
Are boys are girls really that different?
There are two camps when it comes to gender differences. There are those that insist that the differences between boys and girls are biologically hard-wired. And there are those that insist that the differences are learned. Lawrence Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, summarizes existing research on the subject by saying that while inborn differences do exist, they are quite small but they are then nurtured and exacerbated by the way we treat girls or boys. The small difference that does exist is that boys are slightly more likely to seek out power and girls slightly more likely to seek out connection. And then society takes over and reinforces these differences rather than minimizing them. Generally, despite being a girl, I think I have tended more to seek out power than connection. But becoming a mother changed that and I have become very nurturing with my kids. I believe that each human being has the capacity to be powerful and connected and I challenge parents to help their children, both boys and girls, become confident and caring individuals.
How can we help our boys?
Hyperactive, violent, uncaring sexual predators. That is a horrible rap for boys to have. There must be a way that we, as parents, as teachers, as role models, can help our boys to be boys without living up to that prejudice.
I think we need to:
- Teach our boys to be nurturing - give them the power of emotional intelligence.
- Give them a healthy diet, to avoid excess hyperactivity
- Give them opportunities to roughhouse and wrestle in a safe environment by engaging in physical play with their parents
- Give them plenty of opportunities to play outside, run around, to explore and to use their energy
- Limit access to television and Internet and ensure that materials are age appropriate and do not include images of violence or unhealthy sexuality
- Teach them about healthy sexuality and encourage them to ask questions
- Encourage them to express their emotions rather than keeping them bottled up inside
- Teach them to respect people, including teachers, women and girls, those that are weaker than them, those that are different from them
I don't want my boy to be held back from anything he wants to do based on society's bias towards boys. So I'll try to do my part in raising my boy to be the type of person that I hope all boys and men can become.
Reader Comments (42)
[...] actrocz7 wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWhile I celebrate the advances of feminism, I worry about a backlash against our boys. I keep coming across more and more situations where our boys are being discriminated against in society, which in turn limits their potential to … Read the rest of this great post here [...]
Soon coming services for men who were abused as boys: www.1in6.org
[...] seeing people making assumptions about children (or adults) based on their gender. My post on the bias against boys is one example of [...]
[...] my post on the bias against boys, I made some recommendations for raising boys, several of which I think contribute to making a boy [...]
[...] my post on the bias against boys, I made some recommendations for raising boys, several of which I think contribute to making a boy [...]
Oh, I am thrilled to stumble upon this blog tonight. I love the book, Playful Parenting, that you mentioned above. I've just recently discovered it and have found it greatly shifting my perspective (unlike most other parenting books).
I found PhD in Parenting on the blogroll at Warm Hearts Happy Family. I'm looking forward to checking out more of your site when I have time to peruse, but wanted to alert you to an article that I wrote around gender issues called http://childperspective.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/no-better-sex/" rel="nofollow"> No Better Sex.
Thanks for this insightful article.
The odd thing (for a supposedly post-feminist culture) is that I feel like split-gender socialization of children has actually become MORE intense over the last 30 years than it was previously. McDonald's used to include a toy in a Happy Meal. Now they ask if you want a "girl toy or a boy toy." WHY? Is there a cross-marketing economic motive for segregating the plastic crap our kids play with? Cartoons are now boys' cartoons and girls' cartoons. Pop stars are different for boys and girls, too. The intensity of gender coding is mind-blowing.
@Brosti: Agreed. I was also complaining last night to DH about the boy pull-ups having Cars and the girl pull-ups having Disney Princesses.
[...] some of the idiocies in society in posts like bias against boys or out of sight, out of mind, out of job, or feminism, fathers and valuing parenthood. Challenging [...]
I believe as a society we're become more intolerant of boys. I'm the mum of three boys who are really boys and constantly feel I have to excuse their....boy behaviour. It really isn't over the top. Since we're the usually the main caregiver; the one that reads; the one that researches I believe that mothers of boys must read about how to raise their sons truly as sons and not mini girls. I love Michael Gurian and Leonard Sax for providing the tools for me to be a more effect advocate for my boys and providing the science and research to empower me to tell others.
Thanks for this post. Boys are having a hard time of it. While Failure to launch is a funny movie this is become more of reality for families and it's disturbing to see these lost boys.
A-FUCKING-MEN
As the mother of a girl who acts like a boy ib a lot of ways, I have been shocked to see her boyhavior accepted while milder forms of it, in boys, were met with calls to mom and various reprimands.
Its all out of alignment. I suspect we're seeing the result of trying to feminize our culture in the name of political correctness.
[...] very few differences in terms of how we should parent boys and girls. As I wrote in my post on the Bias Against Boys: Are boys are girls really that [...]
Annie, this is tremendously profound, thank you. I resist the temptation to write more because I know I wouldn't be done this side of lunchtime!
Thank you Annie for writing about this. I have a girl as you know, and I run a Home Daycare. I look after boys and girls, but I have been fighting with myself because I feel I can't for some reason connect with the boys. I am glad you also noticed this, it's something that I have been hating for so long. I don't even know where this stems from.
In me having a daughter resulted me to forget what boys are like and how to relate to them? I have looked over boys in the past and got along great, never an issue, I am still apart of their family. I have asked these boys if I treated them any different than their sister. They said I was the only one who treated them the same and expected the same.
It's troubling me to no extent. I want to know how I can relate again, but I would never turn my back on a family who needs me because they have a boy.
Almost a year ago, I complained to a group of friends about two girls who were riding their bikes down my street with their parents. The girls were roughly 6 and 8 years old - as near as I could tell from my second story window. They rode by at about 7:00pm, when my son was just going to bed at night and were shrieking like banshees the entire way down the street - a street that everyone in the neighborhood knows has lots of very young children. At 6 and 8 years of age, they are definitely old enough to know better and old enough to stop when told.
I think I slightly offended one of my friends (who has two girls) because I jokingly said I'm glad I don't have girls; I couldn't take the screaming. She was offended on behalf of her daughters (ages 1 and 3) who weren't even being discussed (but they are screamers). However, if the situation were reversed and I complained about boys, I feel quite certain that no one in our group would have been upset, despite the majority of us having sons.
I think there is absolutely a bias against boys now. Little girls have the freedom to be and achieve whatever they want, but boys have to meet some confusing standard that society puts on them. And, as the mother of a little boy, I'm definitely concerned about him - your post here just adds to concerns I already had.
I think you are conflating some issues here. I've read a lot of the same books, and a few more about raising boys, and I am all for combating unhealthy gender stereotypes that would undermine our attachment to boys and their connection with their own emotions, their compassion, etc. But I think parents of girls have their own battles as well. I do not think this has anything to do with discrimination, and frankly I don't see discrimination against them at all. If anything I see more behavior excused under the "boys will be boys" excuse, and I think my boys see a man's world. Any time women and girls make some gains, there is always the accusation that it is at the expense of boys. It is not. I just got home from a baseball game where my three boys saw grown men play professional baseball and get cheered on by a stadium full of people. They saw the young women in short shorts throw t-shirts to the crowd. This is the world we live in, everywhere we go, no matter how much I try to show them and be a strong woman.
ann:
I don't disagree with you about the "man's world".
However, I do think there are hurtful stereotypes against boys too that do end up discriminating against them.
I am glad to see this post Annie, as I have been feeling this backlash for over 5 years. I am the mother of only boys, 3 of them to be exact...5yrs, 2yrs and an infant. I am really starting to resent people when I am out in public and get insensitive comments directed at me and my boys. (Are you going for a girl? Did you want a girl? Hopefully one of your sons will be gay...and so on. Do people not think that perhaps I am happy with my boys?!)
I want to preface by saying that I was in woman's studies in university and considered myself to be a feminist...now, I am just getting tired of the reverse discrimination against my kids and feel resentful towards the woman that try so hard to make everything "equal".
I really feel that my little boys get discriminated against because they are not girls, or should I say that they do not act like girls...you said it yourself "how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?" Who says that the are not already? Who says that the way a "girl" acts is the proper way to act? She may act like a girl stereotypically does, quiet, shy, listens, sits, etc...but that doesn't mean that WE as Women/ Mothers need to enforce these codes of behaviour on our boys. I followed the link above provided by a commenter and it explained how to stop the gender gap...I want to ask all of you, WHY? Why do we have to act the same? Why can't we embrace our femininity and let the boys embrace their masculinity? Why do we try and make our sons more empathetic, or sensitive or whatever emotion you wish to "create"? What gives us the right as WOMEN to try and TELL a man or in this case our son how he "should" act?
Is my brain wired the same way as his, science would tell me no. So why would he want to think like me, or is he even capable?
I think in our society we are trying to feminize boys and we don't respect them enough to know that they will be who they are biologically.
Why is it that it is okay that a girl have Girl Scouts that are just for girls, but the boys are expected to share? Why can't they learn just boy things?
I could go on forever on this topic, as I have started already, but I urge any woman with sons to read "The Wonder of Boys" by Michael Gurian. It explains that what boys really need is a tribe of their own, a place where they can just be "a guy" and they need a MALE mentor, and HE will show them the proper way to "act" like a "man".
Both genders face discrimination though, and it hurts them. The "discrimination against boys" argument just confounds me b/c we still live in such a sexist world. Truthfully, the unhealthy views of male sexuality and identity that you talk about existed before feminism made any progress. If anything, I think paving the way for girls' rights frees men and boys from these gender constraints too, or at least aims to. I would be so much more worried about discrimination if I had girls. I'm worried about ensuring that my boys don't buy into society's definition of masculinity, but I'm not worried about him perhaps missing out on a babysitting job.
Thank you. I'm a mother to 3 boys and sometimes they are just so my "boy" I feel the need to apologize. And then feel bad for apologizing for their behaviour, as they're not misbehaving -- they're just being themselves. So much I'd like to add, but suffice to say that you've hit the nail on the head. :)
ann:
Generally I agree with what you are saying. I'm not sure if this is the only post of mine that you've read, but I've written a lot about gender equality in other posts:
http://www.phdinparenting.com/category/gender-issues/
However, I don't think that paving the way for women's rights automatically frees men and boys from gender constraints too. I think that a lot of feminism has been about allowing women to be "just like men" without giving men the freedom to be "more like women". I have written about that http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/05/18/feminism-fathers-and-valuing-parenthood/" rel="nofollow">as it relates to fathering and http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/09/06/pink-feminism-and-gender-cues/" rel="nofollow">as it relates to colours and other things "girly".
There is a lot of discrimination against boys in education. Curiculums are set up to appeal to girl's strengths, e.g. long boring coursework, dumb down complex subjects, essay questions based on emotion, over empasis on languages etc. I made it through an education system biased towards girls and got my degree. However like many young men, I know that women have attempted to discriminate against me in education to ensure that females do better than males and as a result, I refuse to date graduate professional women. I also refuse to marry or live with a woman and have children. The most that I will ever do is live with a woman in a pre-nuptial legal agreement, no children and keep our incomes seperate relationship. If you discriminate against men ladies, we deny you a happy famility.
I think this movie pretty much exposes the fraud of feminism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plkeKMTDM9g
[...] upon an article so infuriating that you just can’t let it be. Today, the article in question is a post made by “PhD in Parenting” blogger Annie wherein she asks, “Is there a bias against boys [in [...]
[...] an article so infuriating that you just can’t let it be. Today, the article in question is a post made by “PhD in Parenting” blogger Annie in which she asks, “Is there a bias against boys [...]
I just have to say that this is one of the most offensive articles I have ever read on the internet, not only because there is absolutely no truth to it, or that the "facts" that you base your "research" off of are completely illegitimate (and therefore your argument in this post is ridiculous/non-existent), but because misogyny is still so painfully real in today's society.
If anyone wants to know the reality of gender discrimination (boys are NOT discriminated against, and are in fact privileged), you can read my rebuttal to this post http://vivianpencz.wordpress.com/2011/10/12/anti-feminist-myths-debunked" rel="nofollow">here.
So boys are just hyperactive, uncaring, violent sexual predators then?
I get misogyny. I understand that women still have a lot to fight for. That doesn't mean that boys aren't being treated unfairly in some circumstances.
No, they're not. I have not and would not ever make such a cruel and ignorant generalization as that. But, as I point out in my rebuttal, the vast majority of violent sexual predators are male. Nobody is saying that all men are violent sexual predators. That would be absurd. What I am saying is that the fact that the vast majority of violent sexual predators are male needs to be recognized by society and especially by men, since they are the gender that is most often responsible for perpetuating sexual violence and are therefore the gender that needs to take on more of the burden of preventing sexual violence.
Although you say that you get misogyny, what you say in this blog post indicates that you don't get it. And as for your claim that boys are treated unfairly in some circumstances, I implore you to give an example of one of those circumstances that isn't such an isolated personal anecdote as the one you provide in this post. Because it simply isn't the hard evidence needed to back up such a claim as yours.
Any comment on my findings (in my article) that all the sexual assault research that you cite in your post is from one illegitimate source? I say this because you should probably edit that part of your post if you don't want to disseminate lies.
Viv:
I don't disagree with anything you wrote in the first paragraph. I also noted that the vast majority of sexual predators are male. However, I've had numerous people tell me they would never leave their child in the care of a man (except the one they married), whereas they would have no problem leaving their child in the care of a woman. It is wrong to assume that all men are a danger and wrong to assume that no woman is a danger.
With regards to the statistics, I provided one link to the Canadian Children's Rights Council, which is a compilation of statistics and examples from numerous sources, including incredibly credible government sources.
You ask me to give other examples, but not personal anecdotes. There are numerous articles out there on the Internet from parents saying that they wouldn't hire a boy as a babysitter (here's one example: http://www.freshmd.com/fresh_md/2008/01/male-babysitter.html). All of the articles would be personal anecdotes, but they add up. My brother and I both babysat as teenagers and I got many more jobs than he did, even though he was very capable too. My kids have friends who aren't allowed to come over to our house unless I'm home, which is incredibly hard logistically because I work full time, whereas my partner is a stay-at-home dad.
I have other things to do today, so I don't have time to go and look for more sources for an article I wrote years ago. I do think you have missed the point though. My point wasn't that boys are at a disadvantage across the board as compared with girls. My point was that there are certain circumstances in which unfair assumptions are made about boys and I think those are worth correcting. Just as I think assumptions that girls are bad at math and only care about their looks are hurtful, I think assumptions that boys are violent, hyperactive sexual predators are hurtful.
Again, I agree that it's wrong to assume that all men are a danger and that all women are not a danger, and I never disputed this. However, I've already said what I had to say about the stats you cite and their invalidity. For example, "75% of sexual predators are male and 25% are female"--that's patently false, and some other stats that the CCRC cites are stated to be from gov't organizations, but given that they contradict other legitimate research done on this issue, and given the CCRC's incredibility, the "info" they provide is not to be trusted.
Fair enough regarding your point about male babysitters, but clearly I still have issues with the way you've written this article, and since you're unwilling to edit out the misogynistic b.s. you cite, I suppose this discussion is over.
As the mom of a 2 year old son I agree with this!! My whole family wanted a girl, and now that others in my fam are preg, they all want a girl agian..after my son was born everyone kept saying how he would be a pretty girl,. and how they wished he was a girl..and they dont know how bad it hurts to know that the 1st girl born in this family that he will be "thrown out like old news"..shew lord..idk what to do about it..noone can be happy with him the way he is, penis&all.
The problem caused because our society still do not understand too much on the nature of two sex / gender nature. Gender Studies and Research are critical and important.
Women are a significant percentage of rapists if you properly define "rape". According to the latest CDC (US government) survey, 4.8% of all men have been "made to penetrate" and 79.2% of the perpetrators were women. Examples of "made to penetrate" are: a woman who has sex with a man who is passed-out drunk, or a woman who forces a man to have sex with her through violence or threats of violence. There is some confusion due to the fact that their definition of rape excluded "made to penetrate" and only included men who had been penetrated. That was far less common (1.4% of men) and was mostly perpetrated by men. However, if you include "made to penetrate" as rape, which you should, since it is forced sex, women are a significant percentage of rapists, and the majority of male rape victims were raped by women. You can read the report at:
http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
The above, lifetime stats do show a lower percentage of male victims (up to 6.2% of all men) than female victims (18.3% of all women) although the difference is far less than commonly believed. However, if you look at the report's stats for the past 12 months, just as many number of men have been "forced to penetrate" as women were raped, meaning that if you properly define "made to penetrate" as rape, men were raped as often as women.
Here is a reference to another study that shows similar rates of victimization between men and women: http://feck-blog.blogspot.com/2011/05/predictors-of-sexual-coercion-against.html
Here are some stories from male victims: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/v73r4/men_who_have_been_raped_by_women_can_you_tell_us/
I'm a man that has grown up in the recent generation. I can tell you from experience that men are constantly criticized more then women. Women attack me and other men all the time with they same type of attacks other races attack white people with. The whole revenge for the oppression of our for fathers/mothers concept... women who do not hate men get upset when hearing this, but it's the truth: there are indeed many women out there that want to see men fail. there are teachers out there that discriminate against men, i tell you from experience. Yes, a lot of the problem is legal and technical, but a great deal of the problem is plain sexism. I have been literally told my gender was the reason for my suffering , by my oppressors, have you? i don't assume i was discriminated against, i know.
You don't see it because you haven't looked! I can tell you a lot about my experiences with blatant discrimination as a man. Unlike Most women who "feel" they where discriminated, I was told my gender was the reason for my oppression by those who oppressed me..
Anti male discrimination does exist, and I'm shocked that women could be so hypocritical about this subject! How dare you try to down play my suffering and the suffering of my friends! how dare you claim that we do not exist and that or oppressors do not exist.
those same boys of your where still raised in a school where they are undervalued and ignored. those same boy's where raised in a world where women decide what they learn and how well they learn it. they grew up in a world, where women dominate the work force and out populate men. they grew up in a world where feminism is celebrated and masculinism is demonized. They grew up in a women world, a world where feminism decides their fate. there are no pro-male organizations out there as powerful as the monolithic groups of feminist. boy in a women world, don't even have a chance unless someone stand up for them... News flash, there are many feminist groups that openly hate men. I'm not saying that all feminist do, but it is a fact, that many of them hate men. For example these feminist who became famous, because other feminist agreed with them:
“I feel that ‘man-hating’ is an honourable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them.” – Robin Morgan, Ms. Magazine Editor
“To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he’s a machine, a walking dildo.” -– Valerie Solanas
“I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.” — Andrea Dworkin
“Rape is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear” — Susan Brownmiller
“The more famous and powerful I get the more power I have to hurt men.” — Sharon Stone
“In a patriarchal society, all heterosexual intercourse is rape because women, as a group, are not strong enough to give meaningful consent.” — Catherine MacKinnon
“The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race.” — Sally Miller Gearhart
“Men who are unjustly accused of rape can sometimes gain from the experience.” – Catherine Comins
“All men are rapists and that’s all they are” — Marilyn French
“Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is in a maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release.” — Germaine Greer.
anti-male discriminating does exist, just because your not apart of it, don't make it any less real. Remember when women protested women rights, there wher always those people (male and female) who denied that female suffering even existed. Now are you going to be a hypocrite and do the same to men out of your own stubbornness?
how can you possibly say that when there are 0 feminist organizations holding fundraiser for men's issues? you should worried.. i pity your sons... if only they had a mother that was able to understand them and prepare the hardships they will face as men in a woman world. Hopefully they wont become one out of the men who are 3-4 time more likely to commit suicide in this women world then a women is. you make think that men growing up feeling as if they have no purpose is harmless, but I'm sure they will beg to differ.
how can you possibly say that when there are 0 feminist organizations holding fundraiser for men's issues? you should worried.. i pity your sons... if only they had a mother that was able to understand them and prepare them hardships they will face as men in a woman world. Hopefully they wont become one out of the men who are 3-4 time more likely to commit suicide in this women world then a women is. you make think that men growing up feeling as if they have no purpose is harmless, but I'm sure they will beg to differ.
If you did further research you woudl finds that female sex offenders are more likely to get away with the crime, because they use manipulation and are more likely to rape a child under the age of 12 then a man is. While male sex offenders still offend children, they are more likely to offend preteens and teens then children under 12 in general. Men are more likely to use force, women are more likely to use manipulation. Women more often choose more vulnerable victims. Physical abuse is terrible, but mental abuse causes the most long damage to a child. Children who are manipulated are less likely to report. Men are also made fun of if they complain about being victims. Men are thought to be afraid of and ashamed of their own weakness. Men are told that if a woman rapes them, they are privileged, to be raped. They are told its not possible for a man to be raped. they are told that they wanted it any way and they got lucky... even by other men... male rape is terribly under reported, but happens 2 times more then female rape. 80% of men who report being molested by a woman are told that they are liars. 63% of men who seek help from domestic violence shelters are turned down, the rest are made fun of or accused of being the abuser. Only 1-8% find help. It's not that there are a more male sex offenders, its that less men get away with it then women do. women choose more vulnerable victims and are more successful silencing them.
The ridiculous statements presented by Thomas and "egalitarian" are sexist myths (Women = inherently emotionally manipulative? Right...) and pure fabrications. These are not facts. There is plenty of legitimate, well-researched, and unbiased research out there. Please educate yourselves on the facts, people. That's all that needs to be said.
No viv, that is NOT all that needs to be said about it. Your ridiculous and overly defensive reactions to the mere suggestion that men and boys experience BIAS and DISCRIMINATION on a regular basis, speaks volumes as to the truth of the allegations. Clearly they are striking a nerve with you, because your much-valued status as an oppressed victim of "patriarchy" (under bullsh#t feminist theory that is increasingly being shown to be disingenuous if not actual lies), is being threatened. God (or in your case, Karl Marx) forbid that you should apply the SAME standards of equality and opposing discrimination against men that you claim to want for women. The single most telling thing about your silly, angry, and delusional posts (being in denial as you are, NOT a man, and having NO CLUE what the experiences of men and boys are, in our culture), is that not only do you criticize and insult the woman who wrote the article, but you attempt to CENSOR it, attempting to use EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL to shame/coerce her into removing ideas and opinions that YOU don't agree with. Clearly you have major issues with men, and are a devoted feminist (in all of the worst and most hypocritical ways, apparently), yet while you are entitled to your opinions, your posts above (that I now react to) are CLEAR evidence of the kind of MANIPULATIVE behavior that "some" women engage in, and in your case, your bullying tactics aren't working anymore. GOOD FOR ANNIE for not caving in to your intimidation, and coercion to take back what she expressed, we have this thing called freedom of speech in America, and people like you who attempt to LIMIT and CONTROL the free speech of others, are a threat to a free society-and insecure as hell. Thomas, your points were EXCELLENT, and this woman needs to do a lot more than post a hateful, blanket statement to refute them, she needs to take the time, do the research, and formulate effective responses, point by point, before I would even begin to take anything she says seriously. Since you made so many good points, however, she is clearly unable to do that. From what she's expressed so far, I would hold her up as the poster child for womyn who display the worst of what feminism "has to offer" to our society. And while a heterosexual male, I will damned sure stand up for my brothers as well, against womyn who attack any man who tries to heal his own wounds, and point out the harm that is being done to men and boys in our society-all in the name of "feminism". Don't dish out venom against those who stand up for the rights of men, babe, unless you can handle it when it gets stuck right back, firmly in your face. ;O)
And I've got lots more where that came from, viv. What the hell do YOU know about being a boy in the schools, or being a man in this society, even if you DID give a rat's ass about us-which evidence suggests, is clearly not the case? By advocating and defending abuses against men and boys, and justifying them with bogus, paranoid feminist ideology, you are not only harming men and boys, you are harming women, and the entire society as well. That's the irony... as if belittling, demeaning, and emasculating men was going to bring out the best in us, or do any good for anyone, at all. It's time for womyn like yourself to start taking some RESPONSIBILITY for your OWN abuses against men, and your hatred (MISANDRY), rather than making lame, half-@ssed attempts to justify them, that people really aren't buying anymore. It's not the 1970s anymore, viv-and lots of feminists were hateful then, too :O). Bring it on, we're waiting... and I've got lots more love for you, next time you attack my gender, or anyone who tries to stand up for EQUALITY, and good and innocent men (but wait, they don't exist according to "Patriarchy theory", do they?). I'm starting to wonder, does anyone hate women (or womanhood) more than feminists??